Saturday, August 11, 2007


It is my BFF Sherman's BURPDAY! He rescued his people on this date. So cool. Sherman deserves to have the greatest burpday ever!

He takes excellent care of his sissies.

He is a totally studly dude who can pull off even a rain slicker with great panache (and manliness). And look how skinny he is:

And he knows how to stay cool in the heat with a dirt hole and little beer:

Please tell your mum to pick up some things for you from me. Here's a list of suggestions.

A few steaks:

Chicken feets:

Your girl Dot! (So she's not afraid to travel alone, she'd probably better bring Sam with her, and drop her off at my house!)

A good sized raw meaty bone (this one the size is good but it needs more raw meaty).

And a cake! Look! This is a DotSpot Cake!

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Have a great one buddy! Good job finding your peoples.

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Friday, August 10, 2007

Shock Horror!

OK, apparently I have set the puparazzi buzzing and have set the dogblogging world on fire by letting everyone know that Stan sent me a kiss. Don't be scandalized. And Ruby n' Suki, don't be jellyfish (and sting me!) I admit I begged for the kiss just cuz I'm an affectionate guy. And why would Stan send me a kiss? Look at this face. Imminently kissable. My ma ape kisses me (here I am begging for one my resting my head ever so delicately on her knee), my sissy kisses me, sometimes complete strangers kiss me. And, deep down, you know you want to kiss me, too. The booth will be open all night. $1 per peck.

I am the kissing bandit!

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Smack it to Me Stan!

Look at what the GooberStan sent me! Now--he sent it via e-mail and even red lipstick doesn't show up well on my lovely black fur which makes me think he wanted me to keep it top secret. No way! Smack one to me Stanny! Here I am waiting:

But I can't promise my mouth was not down in this region.

But it's cool--we're bull pizzle pals so you KNOW where this mouth has been.

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The Nose Knows!

My granny sent me this story from teh BBC about the Double Nosed Andean Tiger Hound from Bolivia. He's very interesting looking!

Xingu the double-nosed Andean Tiger Hound

Imagine how good he would be at finding snackables! Of course I'm pretty good with just one nose (find the freezing box--sit in front of it) and I make primary use of my ears (listen for packages opening, fridges opening, chewing, swallowing, etc.)

This dude's name is Xingu and he sounds like an interesting chap:

He added that Xingu was "quite an aggressive little chap" who stood about 16 inches in height and loved salt biscuits but "wasn't a terribly handsome dog".

Xingu's best friend is apparently a wild pig called Gregory, and the two animals "rule the roost" in their village.

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Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Money Pit

My Granny sent me this MSNBC story about how much you apes spend on us pets ($41 billion/year--ie, NOT ENOUGH!). She wanted to know if I am going to get NEUTICLES--prosthetic testicles (cuz that's what the story opened with). I'm shocked! Shocked! That's personal, granny. Any bodily functions, inappropriate humping, my big ass, and my dirty dreams are all fair play but not my, um, missing bits!

Just kidding. I have no shame; I'll talk about anything including my phantom testicles. But let's talk about this $41 billion. I'm a little annoyed that they lumped together high-quality food, training, vet bills, and day-care/kenneling with neuticles, Hermes bags, and plastic surgery as similarly extravagant (and perhaps silly) expenses. Sure, you apes have a tendency to project your lifestyle onto us but I'm not so sure that wanting us to eat well is equivalent to making us wear a $4000 collar. I hate how these stories throw out the most bizarre possible examples in order to make ALL pet owners sound a little batty. And some of their examples of "plastic surgery"--like for droopy eyes or rhinoplasty--are done for medical reasons (cherry eye, breathing problems, etc.) I mean, some people live with goddamn CATS and the dog owners are the crazy ones?

But I did learn--they will do LIPO on dogs. For Pete's.

I think my ma ape might spend 40 billion of those dollars on our toys, foodables, furminator, vet bills, and football jerseys. But there's a simple reason:

Could you say no to these faces? My ma ape sure can't. But I don't want any neuticles.

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A marmoset monkey - archive picture

Both my onkel Eric (an ape and ape afficionado) and my granny sent me this story about a dude who smuggled a monkey under his hat! He flew from Florida to New York and didn't get caught until some passenger saw the monkey on his ponytail. That's some quality airport security! Though I'm not sure why human apes are ok but little monkeys are not. Since the flight attendants described the little dude as quiet and not disruptive, I would guess Mr. Marmoset was much less likely to get tipsy, demand more bags of pretzels, pinch the flight attendant's butt and then spend the rest of the flight in the toilet. I'm just saying.

But, I've been trying to figure out what kind of a hat my ma ape needs if she is going to smuggle me onto airplanes. Maybe one of these:

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Why I Whine

Partly Cloudy
Feels Like

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Free Gertie

This is Gertie. She's totally cool and likes many of the same things I do, herding geese, sleeping, eating, the works. But if you look carefully at the tags you can see the trials and tribulations of wee Gertie. See, she did an excellent job finding some people. They give her shelter, delicious food, and the occasional belly scratch. Unfortunately, they feel the need to humiliate her by associating her with Michigan football, they of the whiny coach and repeated embarrassing bowl game losses (the size of their loss always in direct proportion to how much they whined about deserving to go to a better bowl game). See, here's a recap of the last time Michigan played Nebraska, the 2005 Animal Bowl. Long story short? 32-28 Cornhuskers.

I think you would look as good as I do in Red, Gertie, so you might consider:


Hell, even THIS would be less humiliating:

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The Lady is a Champ

I received a small box in the mailables yesterday. I was a bit worried because it had writing in tongues (ie, French) on it. But I opened it and it was from my Girl Up North, Sophie La Brador.

I read her (long) letter very very carefully. I even drooled on it, as you can see. She told me she had sent me eatables in the shape of apes and a Big Ass! Oooh! How exciting.

I immediately took a liking to the snackables, as you can see.


My ma ape knew these were no ordinary snackables when my sissy took an interest in them. She usually only takes an interest in the meatables.

My ma ape is a bit worried these snacks may contain a highly addictive substance because we went MAD for the Ape Snackables. We made blissful faces:

And Doofus faces:

And yes, Sophie did, indeed, get me a big ass:

Yup, smells like a big ass!

Sophie is worried that her gift may land me in Gitmo. I know you just want me to seek asylum in Canada! Until then I will keep biting my toy until I hear him squeak "I resign!"

Thank you Sophie!

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Hot Dog

That is the face of a Hot Dog. You already knew I was smokin' hot--like George Clooney, or Boo--but I am also too d*mn hot temperature wise. Stupid global warming. Every day in August has been over 90. EVERY DAY.

My granny sent me this story from the Times today with the stupid title "Think your dog is smart, his collar may be smarter" which is stupid because nothing--not an iPhone, not my ma ape, not a Rhodes Scholar, not even a dolphin--is smarter than me. The story is about GPS collars that help you keep track of your dog. I guess it is helpful for hunting dogs and what not. Since my granny seems awfully concerned about my whereabouts (I know, granny, is is hard to be away from your favorite boy) I thought I would give her a written approximation:

4:15 a.m. Wake up the ma ape with a barely perceptible and pathetic whine
4:20-5 a.m. Go for walk, pant heavily, come home.
5:00-5:00:30: Eat breakfast
5 a.m.-6 a.m. Go back to bed.
6 a.m.-8 a.m. Take a nap at the top of the stairs
8 a.m.-8:01 Beg for snacks, get jack squat
8:01-10 a.m. Sleep in the basement
10:00-10:01: Run outside, speed pee, come back inside
10:01-2 p.m. Sleep in the basement some more
2:00-2:15 p.m. Go outside with the ma ape, watch her pick tomatoes, harass the neighbor, pant, come inside and get whiting snack
2:15-2:20 Kill the Big Yellow Wiener Dog Squeaky
2:20-5p.m. Post-kill nap on the couch
5:00-5:02 p.m. Whine very perceptively, go outside, eat chicken breast
5:02-present: nap on the ma ape's feets.

I DO need a GPS device to track my stealthy moves, I think. I'm exhausted just thinking about my day. I need a nap.

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Monday, August 06, 2007

Hate your Vick and Eat Him Too

Mike Vick Dog Chew Toy

Here's a Michael Vick chew toy! Some of the profits will go to the Jacksonville Humane Society. No word on when you bite it if it says "OVERRATED." Haha!

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Sunday, August 05, 2007

Dog(s) Dancing

My sissy and I are thinking about auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance next summer. What do you think?

Our specialty is rumba. Just because I like to say RRRRRRRRRRRRUM-BA!

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Weekendable Eatables

Hi to all my pals that I got to chat with this morning and to those I missed. I chatted about my breakfast and I realized that I talk a lot about what I eat. I can't help it. I love my food. More than anything except maybe my ma ape. And that's a maybe.

Yesterday I got ICE CREAM so my ma ape said we had to eat healthy today. So what did we get?

What's that there, then, ma ape?

Ooooooh....salmon skinables.

Gimme gimme gimme!

Why yes, it tastes as good as it looks AND smells.

The look of bliss.

Are you gonna finish that?

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