Saturday, October 20, 2007

Play Date!

Some of you might remember THIS thing:

That is Tuchuck (formerly known as Glacier, known as Upchuck to me). And he is my sissy's new real world BFF. We got to go to his house and my sissy was all nervous and not quite as playful.

But they did a little bit of chasin'.

And then I got to do some chasing!

And maybe a little terrorizing. Um, I might have scared Upchuck a little. What can I say? I'm a little jealous. He has all his bits AND my sissy loves him.

But what if I made a new friend! Look! That's Upchuck's sissy Narra.

I love to chase her! And completely indifferent to me.

Well, they decided to let my sissy and The Chuck play some more so I got to go on the other side of the fence to sharpen my teeth on a wizzler. That's good because I got to be with my best friend ever.


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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Welcome to the Wallyverse!

Here I am IN SPACE, defying gravity:

As I previously reported, my Newf friends discovered that I am, in fact, the proprietor of my OWN GALAXY! Awesome, huh? Though I'm a little unsure what they mean when they say I'm "underdeveloped." My legs are SUPPOSED to be like this! I've been asked about what rules I will make as the high dictator of my galaxy. I've been thinking long and hard about it and this is what I've come up with:
  • This is not a democracy, it is a DOGOCRACY.
  • All-you-can-eat-anytime boo-ffet with meaty bones, bully straps, moo tubes, jack mack, froot smoosh, veggie smoosh, heartables, frosty paws, and even kibbles for those who so desire.
  • No leashes, fences, or roads with cars.
  • No cats, but mysteriously every morning there will be a kitty nonpareil on the pillow.
  • I always get to sit on something that makes me taller than everyone else.
  • No thunderstorms EVER.
  • The naked apes will be seen (feeding us) but not heard.
  • We all have portraits of ourselves that age, get sick, and hang out with Al Urgee, while we remain completely healthy, happy, and young.
  • I get to sit at the opening to my galaxy and bark at passersby. And I never get in trouble for it.
  • Sunday morning chats are every morning. In person. And Buster is as raunchy as he wants to be.
  • There will be no Petfinder. Because all dogs have a home in the Wallaxy.
  • "Short" shall be referred to as "Tall." "Tall" shall be referred to as "Weird."
  • It's Happy Hour at The Corgi Lounge all day!

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Hire me!

So the University of Nebraska fired their Athletic Director for 1) hiring the worst football coach in history (other than the dude at Notre Dame--ha!) and 2) being an all-around jerk. Most exciting they brought back Dr. TOM! He won three national championships with my Hooskers in the 90s.

They have not yet fired their football coach but it's got to be coming soon. I'd like to be sure I get my resume in so I get full consideration to be the next coach of the great Nebraska Cornhuskers:

  • Wally T. Corgador
  • PhDog, School of Hard Knocks 199?-2003; Canine Good Citizen 2005.
  • Many years yelling at the telly during football games, especially important coaching tips like "TACKLE HIM" and "GO GO GO!"
  • 4+ years as Monday Morning Quarterback
  • Invented new tackling technique called "grab the tail!"
  • Own a Nebraskan
  • Visited Nebraska once.
Special Skills:
  • Eating buffalo in large quantities at incredible rates of speed
  • Pooped on Notre Dame once (the campus, not the actual cathedral. that would be hardcore)
  • Not intimidated by Ralphie, the CU buffalo.
  • Looking devastatingly handsome in red
  • Already own the outfit
  • Would look great running out of the locker room onto the field
Please hire me! I will be the best coach EVER and I will work for Nebraska beef. With the occasional buffalo steak for a bonus.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Cool Thou!

This is my ONE THOUSANDTH POST! One G, g! I have been blogging for almost three years which gives me an average of a post per day. That's COMMITMENT.

And in honor of my one-thousandth post I would like to share with you something my friends the Newfs of Hazard discovered--a galaxy named after ME. Yes, the universe is my oyster!


Welcome to WallyWorld.

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Monday, October 15, 2007

A Betrayal of the Highest Order

One of my best ape friends Rene came to my house today. With duck jerky! But that was just an in before he convinced my ape and my sissy be little Benedict Arnolds. Because he also brought this:

That's his new dog (the dog formerly known as Glacier) who needs a new name to go with his new home with Rene. Look at this jerk! He stole my sissy's ball! And he stole my ma ape who was outside with him. I gave them an earful while me and my sissy watched him playing in OUR YARD. And then.

The ultimate betrayal! How can that be my sissy? My sissy who will as soon pin you as play with you! Who doesn't like dogs other than me? And why am I watching this from inside???

Look at them! Wrestling!


More chasing!

And more wrestling!

Look at her! She's gone mad. Yes, my sissy has a real world dog friend! It is UNBELIEVABLE. Dude gets sprung from prison TODAY and he's already got my sister eating, er, chasing out of his paw!

Betrayed by my own sissy AND my own ma ape. But I'm still cool to look at right?

And I'm still cute, right?

You can't trust those bitches, man. They'll just break your heart.

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Coach Canine

Here I am, singing the blues.

What has got a good dog down? My football teams STINK! The Cornhuskers need a brain, the Beagles need some heart, the Seahawks need some courage and the Bears just need a darn QB!

So my sissy and I would like to give remedial course in football for our favorite teams.

Here I am calling an audible "Throw me the ball sissy!"

And when you're on offense you CATCH THE BALL and you SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.

And when you're on defense you take the ball AWAY so the other team can't score a TD.

See, easy. NOW DO IT!

Also, try to be handsome. Like this. Style points don't hurt.

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