Saturday, September 09, 2006

date bait dogs?

my good friend rene (owned by my pals narra, buko, and jacks) sent me this link that claims to tell you the best breeds for "date bait."

the list:

Top Ten Dog Breeds that are Date Bait
by Deborah Wood

1. Golden Retriever – Friendly happy dogs with beautiful coats
2. Scruffy Terrier Mix – Small terriers can be some of the cutest dogs in the world.
3. Collie – “Lassie”
4. Afghan Hound – Elegant “Wow” Dogs
5. Labrador Retriever – Most Lovable
6. Pug – Friendly, Happy Comical Dogs
7. Saint Bernard – Big, sweet, lovable stuff animal
8. Tiny Dogs with Big Dog confidence – Confidence attracts
9. Beagle – Just a plain ol’ friendly face
10. Old English Sheepdog – Funny, furry dog which has to be hugged.

Top Five Worst Date Bait Breeds

1. Pit Bull
2. Rottweiler
3. Yapping little dogs
4. Dogs with elaborate hairdos
5. Chinese Crested - Consistant Winner of the Ugliest Dog Contest

all i have to say is--completely false. the biggest chick magnets i've ever known were pit bulls. stanley the pit (stay away from my mawma, stanley!) in chicago is always meetin' ladies at the bar and blue the energetic pit bull from the park could really draw attention because she was hilarious (such an attention getter that i had to periodically put her in her place. no stealing attention from wally.). collies? yawn. goldens? yawn. gorgis? yes. chinese crested? wouldn't they make a good conversation piece? and this doesn't really take into consideration the kind of person attracted by the respective dogs.

the worst date bait? i think this may surprise you but i'd say the corgador. because you have to know that once the naked ape of your desires has met a corgador you could never possibly compete. you'd always be second best, left to carry the poo bags and to sleep on the couch to make room in the bed for the alpha dog.

post-football exhaustion

what a day of football. notre dame vs. penn state and ohio state vs. texas. is there a way all four of 'em can lose?

the hooskers, of course, rolled over their opponent on their way to trounce the brats of troy (that works for the next two weeks!). my favorite football ritual is the pre-game baby carrot snacking. it's good luck. not that we're superstitious. well, i'm not superstitious, i just eat anything.

more corgador!

meet ralphie, a handsome corgador in ohio. and it appears he has a lovely feathery tail not unlike my own.

and before i get dozens of questions, no the lovely corgador in the last post is NOT up for adoption. it would surely be a crushing blow to my naked apes if i left them for someone else so, for their sake, i'm not on the market for a better home (unless you have a beemer. i love beemers).

fun with google

google "corgador", the name of the greatest species on earth. see who tops the list. (and no, google, i don't mean "cargador." that's not even a word.)

google "hooskers" and see what comes up second on the list. and no, google, i did not mean to search for "hookers." (speaking of hooskers, and maybe hookers, the hooskers are currently kicking some nicholls state butt. i'm still not convinced nicholls state is a real university and not a for-profit school of 70 football players who play Div. I schools for profit but what matters is the hooskers will beat them AND the university of spoiled children next week).

and if you google "naked ape" you will find that desmond morris totally ripped off my terminology. and before i was born. bastard. you will also find a swedish band called the naked ape who has a kind of cool graphic but, sadly, is not actually a cover band of my favorite swedes, abba.


my sister and i went to the state park for a little r&r (rowdiness and romping). we surreptiously snuck down to the lake where my sis could swim off-leash and I could wander around on my 15 foot leash. nice. i rolled in an unidentified gross and smelly substance and watched a teeny tiny frog in his burrow. we left as a big crowd of people showed up for some sort of 9/11 commemoration event. lots of pickups, suvs, flag stickers and t-shirts with angry looking eagles. whatever makes you feel better. but i spotted a bumper sticker that read the following:

and our troops

yes, PRESIDENT was considerably larger than the troops. i've never quite understood the fetish for the support our troops bumper stickers anyway since, you know, they're out of the country and can't see them and it seems like there are more concrete ways to support 'em rather than publicly saying "I SUPPORT YOU" on your bumper. it's nice if you want to get "Support Wally" bumperstickers but frankly, i'd eather have a nice fried egg for dinner, or a bowl of frosty paws. and if you're going to send me to iraq, please give me lots and lots of body armor.

but this seemed really bizarre. it seems bush needs a different kind of support than our troops, a fact somewhat obscured by putting them on the SAME bumper sticker. is HE in need of better helmets and armored vehicles? is he in constant physical danger? conversely, do the troops need the same kind of support? are their poll numbers low? have they become a liability to their political party? the connection seems tenuous at best.

there's the obvious offensiveness to imply that support for one necessarily implies support for the other. obviously you could support the troops without supporting el presidente. and you could support el presidente without supporting the troops (like the people who were happy to let the handful of privates at abu ghraib out to dry without any punishment or serious investigation of their superiors, or the people who are willing to publicly support torture at the exact same time their own military leaders are making the case that these policies actually put our own troops at risk).

but my main question is why put PRESIDENT BUSH not only listed first but in larger font and all caps? that seems to prioritize him, meaning that you value a political figure who is need of political support above the actual lives of folks who are in significant physical danger. that's quite an interesting message, particularly at an event that is remembering 9/11. in a democracy that has survived a significant attack you are implying we must, if we are good americans, support a single political figure without question? and to not support that figure implies dislike for the troops. in other words, good americans support, they don't think and they certainly don't question and heaven forbid we do the very democratic thing of withdrawing support for a person we feel no longer represents our interests. what a sad message to send to commemorate a profoundly sad event. and quite depressing that your commemoration shuts out an awful lot of americans (most, in fact!) by tying commemoration of 9/11 to support for bush.

i guess it nicely captures the real intent of some who made a fetish of "support the troops" stickers. support for bush comes first. it has nothing to do with actual troops. at least you're honest about your priorities.

sigh. naked apes. i'd rather spend all day watching a frog in a hole than trying to figure out your beastly ways. sometimes i think even the goddamn cats make more sense than you. scratch that. it's not just sometimes.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

litter of corgadors

get thee to missouri! they have a whole gaggle of corgadors!

corgador of the day.

more corgadors on petfinder.

this guy might be a corgador. might be something else. doesn't matter, he's handsome. maybe not wally handsome but certainly good enough looking for a new home.

yeager lives in massachusetts.

today's corgador

more corgadors on petfinder. meet cadberry in a virginia shelter. can you resist the sad eyes of a corgador?

adopt him while you can.

canine counsel

the new york times is reporting on a new trend, lawyers for pets!

But in recent years, as pet owners have struggled to negotiate pet ownership in modern life, and as society has grappled with questions of the value and status of its domesticated animals, animal law has become a growing specialty in the legal world. A decade ago only a few law schools taught animal law. Today 70 do, including Harvard, Columbia and Duke. In fall 2004 the American Bar Association formed its first committee on animal law, which many say legitimized the discipline.

“The rate of growth in this field is incredible,” said Stephen Wells, the executive director of the Animal Legal Defense Fund in Cotati, Calif. “A lot of the scoffing and raising eyebrows I saw when I started in animal law has gone away.”

The rise of animal law — which includes dog bites, custody battles, pet trusts and veterinary malpractice — has divided traditional pet advocates. Many veterinarians, for example, fear that pet lawyers could become the animal-world equivalent of medical malpractice lawyers, reaping large jury awards and contributing to a rise in malpractice insurance costs. The American Veterinary Medical Association formed a task force on animal law last year and came out squarely against redefining the legal status of pets.

this trend is great news for me! i've been regularly lodging complaints with the SPCA about my appalling lack of quality snacks, the brevity of my walks, and unthinkable limits to my freedom like when my mawma won't let me harass our poodle neighbor through the fence. but for some reason they never return my calls. with a lawyer i'm sure i could negotiate for a more favorable contract. and could threaten the vet with litigation if he keeps putting things in my bum without my consent. sure you're taking my temperature, pervert.

Monday, September 04, 2006

corgador #2

part two of my ongoing series: corgadors you could have the honor of caring for.

this guy is montgomery, monty to his pals. he's in maryland. he's almost as handsome as me, though his head is awfully proportional to his body. big heads=big brains.

ape love

zoos are starting an online dating service for orange-tangs:

THE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) — Single male (red hair, long arms, interests include hanging in trees and grooming) seeks female for long-distance relationship and possibility of meeting up in future to help save species. Zookeepers in the Netherlands are planning to hook up Dutch and Indonesian orangutans over the Internet and believe the link could at some stage be used as an online dating service where apes could get to know one another and keepers could work out whether they would be compatible mates. First things first: A romantic dinner for two. "We are going to set up an Internet connection between Indonesia and Apeldoorn so that the apes can see each other and, by means of pressing a button, be able to give one another food, for example," said Anouk Ballot, a spokeswoman for the Apenheul ape park in the central Dutch city of Apeldoorn.

the mighty hedgehog

pro-hedgehog activists have taken on mcdonalds. and won:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Hedgehogs have finally humbled burger giant McDonald's after years of campaigning, forcing the company to redesign its killer McFlurry ice-cream containers. Up to now the opening in the container has been large enough for hedgehogs to get their heads into for a lick of the left-over dessert -- a trap they have then been unable to withdraw from, so dying of starvation in untold numbers. But from September 1, the wide-mouthed opening in the lid of the McFlurry containers will be reduced in size, making them too small for the sugar-loving animals to get their heads into. "This is excellent, it is long overdue news," said Fay Vass, chief executive of the British Hedgehog Preservation Society. "We have been in touch with McDonald's about this problem for over five years and are delighted that they have at last solved the problem." McDonald's said in a statement the design change had resulted from pressure from the society, which prompted "significant research and design testing" to develop new packaging. "The smaller aperture of the lid has been designed to prevent hedgehogs from entering the McFlurry container in the unfortunate incidence that a lid is littered and is then accessible to wildlife," it added.

i can't say i wouldn't eat at mcdonald's because, frankly, i'll eat anything. (hey, i was homeless. i'm not above a little garbage cruising. and dumpster diving is not so far removed from eating at mcdonald's) but still, well done hedgehogs. as penance i think they should be forced to provide lifelong supplies of mcflurries to hedgehogs. and dogs, for good measure.