Friday, February 22, 2008

MONKEY STICK! (Or, how I rescued my ma ape)

Today is a very important day. Five years ago TODAY I rescued my ma ape. She was in a place called graduate school which is foster care for apes who don't want to get real jobs. I was at a place called Three Rivers Rescue in Snoqualmie Washington. I had lived there for over five months after I was found roaming the streets of Yakima, WA. I was missing a good chunk of my fur and many of my teeth. I had been found with an embedded chain and loads of fleas plus an upper respiratory infection. And I was really shy and would roll over onto my back whenever anyone came near me so my picture on Petfinder was of my belly. They thought I was going to be an old-timer--a dog who stayed in foster home until he died. In the five months I was there, not a single person had come to see me. But I was waiting to rescue the right person. My other ape saw me at the rescue and said "Is he always going to look like that?" Well, it was all a plan to find someone who would love me for my inner beauty before being blinded by my incredible handsomeness. And boy am I handsome now!

I've been celebrating my good judgment today with some help from my friends. Like Ruby Bleu who sent me an awesome card!

And I had to pose for my official burpday portrait. Which one do you think?

Wally in technicolor?

Open-mouthed Wally?

Grinnin' Wally?

Slightly tipsy Wally?

In addition to getting photos of my handsome mug I have had to have copious eatables--my friends demanded it! Here I am with a wizzler.

And a little chicken back (shout out to Sherms!)

And I ate a few snowballs.

And now I give you....MONKEY STICK!

My ma ape decided that I already have a LOT of stuffies and I have been going through them quickly (thanks to me and my sissy's tugging matches and my un-stuffing tendencies) so she would get me one NICE one instead of lots of ones that would wind up as piles of stuffing by this evening. So wanted one that was 1) big 2) sturdy 3) made a lot of noise.

Monkey stick is 1) as big as me 2) very well constructed 3) has a squeaker in each limb, in the butt, and in the nose AND a honker in the body! A stuffy fit for a Woober!

Now THIS is a present I can sink my teeth into.

I wrote a song for it. It goes like this.
"Who's got a monkey stick? I do!
Who's got a monkey stick. Not you!"

Party on, friends!

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Burpday Morning!

It's my BUUUURPDAY! Yes, five year ago TODAY I rescued my ma ape! It has been a great day so far.

First, my card from Ike Ike Baby arrived!

And then the snow that Sophie sent arrived from Montreal! (It does have a slight French accent)

I got a pink ball to give you in exchange for the snow, Sophs, but you have to come pry it from my goobery jaws!

And it was chicken backs for breakfast. Yesterday we got snozzles for our post-breakfast snack so I can't wait to see what the ma ape will give us today! WOOOO!

I can't WAIT for the rest of the day (so I'm napping so I will be wide awake for it!) My ma ape said I get the monkey stick later. So we'll all find out what the h&*$ a monkey stick is!

Also I've had lots of friends tell me that they have donated to shelters and rescues and dogs in needs. You guys rock! That's the best gift a guy could get, to know that with our help another dog might have found a home today.

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Thursday, February 21, 2008

Burpday Eve!!!

I'm shouting like my sissy but I'm so excited that my burpday is TOMORROW! And we're supposed to be getting something very special. SNOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!

I'm closing my eyes and hoping that I get plenty of tastyables for my burpday!

And now I have to get some beauty rest because I can't WAIT for tomorrow to get here!

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Push my buttons!

Today I have been playing a game called "Pushing Your Buttons." My ma ape tells us that periodically. "You're pushing my buttons!" It's a great game. Today I played by:
  1. Shouting at her when she didn't get us on our walk by 4:15 a.m. This dog's got a schedule to keep.
  2. Shouting at her when she got home because she was working and not rubbing my belly.
  3. When shouting failed, crawling onto her and then onto the computer. I wrote many indispensable lines for her paper. Also made the caps lock key stuck so she almost had to write the rest of it in ETHEL VOICE.
  4. Refusing to come inside when the ma ape called me so she had to come outside in her sweaty damp workout clothes and she got frostbitten brain.
  5. Stealing sissy's jolly bally that was all dirty and thwacking the ma ape in the leg leaving a big round mud spot on her pants.

And yet.

We had a heartable dinner.

And I spied a bag from the pet store jammed with foodstuffs. And I heard word of something called "A monkey stick." Hmmm.

Birthday weeks RULE!

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Wally Tamale, Radical Feminist!

As many of you know, I have spent a great deal of time reading my ma ape's collection of feminist theory. That's why I generally don't let dudes pet me. Keep yer patriarchal hands to yourself! So this 'toon made me laugh. It's funny cuz it's true!

Also I'd like to add that feminism makes me a real hit with the ladies:

Don't tell the ma ape I was licking her to get the taste of my unmentionables--which I had just been licking--out of my mouth. Girl power!

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Monday, February 18, 2008



love, ETHEL!

ps. WHAT should I get WALLY for HIS BURPDAY? SHHHH! I WAnt it to Be a suRPRISE!

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Sunday, February 17, 2008


Security cameras in operation while the ma ape was at the grocery store have picked up strange activity.

Long noses trying to cover up the camera.

Ape arms being ripped from their sockets.

Squeakies squealing like stuck pigs.

Stuffy carnage.

Possible evidence of a culprit.

And this.

A guilty party wouldn't return to the scene of his crime, would he?

The granules on the nose mean nothing. NOTHING.

I need a lawyer.

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