Go Joe!

Hey! My Senator Joe is going to be VEE-PEE! You can read about it on Barking for Barack, my pawliticks site. Ike and Jake were smarty-pants and figured it out.

OBAMAMANIA!

Obama clinches nomination. And now it is time to pick a VP. I think in this historic year it is about time for a cross-species ticket. Now THAT is change I believe in. I have a couple of suggestions.

Ernest, for fresh new ideas and flat basseting:

Wally T. Corgador, the face of experience. Also I think the Veep is a job I could excel it since it seems to primarily involve hiding out at a secret location and periodically shooting old men in the face. No, that joke will never get old.

Isn't this the face of a thoughtful world leader?

Youthful Exuberance

I've been making some old jokes at the expense of Senator McSame, seen here:


My sissy helpfully reminded me that I too am a bit advanced in age. I am not yet so old and forgetful, however, that I accidentally passionately embrace the Worst President Evah who also engaged in an ugly smear campaign against me last time we ran against each other. Cough cough.

So to demonstrate that age ain't nothin' but a number and you are only as old as you remember you are, here are some photos of me showing off my impressive and youthful exuberance:

I believe I can fly!


You might think this is the heir to Michael Jordan. It's a common mistake.

No stiffness in THIS neck!


Um, heh. Definitely life in this old coot.


Aaaand...fast enough to make a quick getaway!


And barfing after a wild night out!

Another Super Tuesday!

Tomorrow will be an incredibly important, even historic, day in American pawliticks. Ohio, Texas, Vermont, and Rhode Island will be voting and it will be time for an underrepresented group finally find a voice in American politics. I have been working very hard to ensure a high turn out. I've been canvassing the neighborhood, sending loads of pee-mails and shouting at everyone who walks by my door. Since I don't live in any of these states my efforts may be wasted. But no one can say I have not been paw-litically active. Why? Because my bud Ernest is running. And, frankly, it is time for a short-legged guy to win the presidency! And look! He has t-shirts AND stickers. That shows some major ambition:



Look at his cool logo!


Yes, I believe it is time to end the tyranny of long-legged Presidents and let a short-legger/roachin' king take the reins:


And for those of you who are skeptical that a short-legger can do the job? That we're not temperamentally suited to do the job? That we'll be soft on defense and too emotional? I would beg to differ. Anything you can do, a short-legger can do. And with more panache.

Short-leggers can fly:


And use our legs as perfect bully strap holders.


We can defy gravity with just one ear.


Also, it is Ernest's burpday this week so if he doesn't win at least he'll get loads of attention and stuff.

Wally Tamale, Radical Feminist!

As many of you know, I have spent a great deal of time reading my ma ape's collection of feminist theory. That's why I generally don't let dudes pet me. Keep yer patriarchal hands to yourself! So this 'toon made me laugh. It's funny cuz it's true!


Also I'd like to add that feminism makes me a real hit with the ladies:

Don't tell the ma ape I was licking her to get the taste of my unmentionables--which I had just been licking--out of my mouth. Girl power!

Politics as it should be--satirical!

Some of you may have seen the video that will.i.am the black eyed pea (the music group, I don't actually name food) made for Bark Obama.



I have mixed feelings about music videos on behalf of political candidates but I just had to share this one that would have made me pee my pants laughing. If I wore pants. And if that wouldn't be a waste of good pee mail.



Now, I've been quiet for a day or so and I've been babbling like my boring ma ape about politics so I promise I will soon have a GREAT post that is a TRIBUTE to my GRAMMIE who is the greatest GRAMMIE EVER. Details to come. (Also--party planning!)

The cows are cussin!

Look! I'm in my Cornhusker jersey! (And yes, that is an antler and stuffing formerly belonging to the Moose). And my fellow footie fans might be wondering WHY I'm in my football gear when Nebraska football doesn't start for almost seven months!


The answer is because they are cow-cussin' in Nebraska today! And also in my former home Washington state! My granny is helping to run the cow-cussin' in Nebraska and I have no doubt she will be one of the finest cussers ever.


And if the Democrats cannot pick a nominee via primaries and cow-cusses I suggest maybe they have tug-o-war using a Big Ass. Or, alternatively, have surrogate tuggers like Me and and Buster (which my ma ape says is totally unfair because I have a chub advantage over Buster. Is that why they call some of them Superdelegates?)

And also I would just like to say that 1) I will accept a new Big Ass from the Democratic Party because mine is beyond repair and 2) maybe Buster and I could each grab one of John McCain's arms and TUUUUUUG. I think we'd be good at that.

Super Silly Wednesday!

I was up late watching election returns so I'd like to keep things light today. So I thought I would share some funny things I saw yesterday.

1. The Conan O'Brien/Stephen Colbert/Jon Stewart Fight-o-Rama over the transitive property of Huckabee:





I would just like to add my two cents which is that I invented the transitive property as it applies to football years ago. So, boys, I WIN!

2. Nobody likes Mitt Romney. In West Virginia, John McCain pledged his delegates to Mike Huckabee just so Mitt Romney couldn't have any. I believe Nelson Muntz said it best on the Simpsons--HA HA. Here's why no one likes that dude:



3. This is me being adorable.

Bye John!

I was a little sad to hear that John Edwards was pulling out of the race. While I do like Obama (in part so I can shout OBAMAMAMA! every time he's on TV) Mr. Edwards was a friend of the working man--working men like me. Here's Edwards' very nice departure speech (much more dignified than Giuliani who said "As goes Florida, so goes America." And then found out that Florida doesn't like him, either):



As a fond farewell, here's a tribute in song by another union man, Billy Bragg:



Join the struggle while you may the revolution is just a bully stick away! And here is a tribute in roaching!