Stealing Saturday!

LOOK! I am ETHEL and I am STEALING Wally's BLOG and his NEW TOY! This is the JOLLY BALL that he got from his BPP Peeeeeeeeeeeeea-nut!


Mine mine mine!


It takes a TUFF GIRL to handle a JOLLY BALL!


I am the JOCK in the family. I am watching SOCCER on on Fox Soccer Channel PREVIEW and playing JOLLYBALLY!


What should I STEAL from WALLY next? I might STEAL his BFF Peanut cuz he sends COOL STUFF. And he his my BFF PENNY's BOYFRIEND. Peanut! We could be FRIENDS! We both like JOLLYBALLIES and PENNIES!

Beee! Eff! Eff!

Today a box arrived addressed to Wally Corgador. That's ME! (I rolled my tongue for you Poppy!) And it came from my Buff Furry Friend, PEANUT!


Hey sissy! Get outta my box or I'll get the ma ape to lock you in YOUR BOX!


Peanut got me something to make me EVEN MORE incredibly handsome. Now, I know what you're thinking--IMPOSSIBLE, right? I mean, it's hard to top perfection. But Peanut got me something AWESOME:


On the top you see my old skank collar. It was SO DIRTY and smelly. But Peanut got me a SEATTLE MOANERS collar! So I can root for ICHIRO all day!


While chewing on the bully that Peanut sent. And playing with the big red ball! Can you take all the handsome?


And then he sent me BEEF LUNG! And pizzle! It's like a whole cow!


Eye scrunchin' good.


I even shared with Ms. Ethel.


And here I am closing my eyes and being serious for a minute.

I am wishing that Peanut has a great visit with our Awesome Grammie and that they have a good move to Loosey Anna (she sounds like a great gal) and I really really REALLY hope that when his dad is deployed to Iraq he comes home SAFE and SOON.

Thank you so much Peanut!

Suki tagged me a long time ago for this so here we go:

1. Where is your favorite place to sleep?

Wally: This may come as a surprise but I will sleep anywhere so long as my ape is nearby but I do have different favorites that sometimes change. I currently sleep in the corner of the bedroom, at the top of the stairs, and on the couch. But then peeps wake me up to take my picture like this:


Ethel: MY BOXY that Wally calls ABU GHRAIB.
Wally: This is the sofa bed with both like lots:


2. Is there a specific trick your humans make you do to get food?

Wally: I humor her and will sit or lie down but really it's how I have her trained. I use my handsomest face to make her give me food. Like this:


Ethel: She makes us SIT. Ohmygod it's so hard to wait!

3. If you could spend an entire day doing anything at all with anyone you want, what would it be and who would it be with?

Wally: I would spend all day with Samantha and my ma ape and I would clean Samantha's ears while the ma ape fed us meat tubes. And then maybe we would go to the pretty park and go strolling. There would be definitely be lots of eating of meatables. Look at this sultry siren (there would be no baths!):


Ethel: I would PLAY FETCH ALL DAY with Chuck It. AND I would chase RABBITS.

4. What is your favorite toy?

Wally: Big Ass.
Ethel: Tennis balls that SQUEAK.

5. If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?

Wally: I would not have a heart problem. And maybe I would have found my ma ape when I was a puppy and before my previous owner was a jerkazoid to me.
Ethel: My brother would not be SO OLD so he could play longer.

BONUS EXTRA QUESTION:


6. Why do you look so much bigger than your sissy when she is 20 pounds heavier AND you can stand under her belly?

Wally: I will answer by way of a multiple choice quiz. Please choose the answer that you like the best:
a) We have a camera with a setting called "Reality as seen by Wally"
b) We stumbled into Alice's Wonderland and I took the pill that makes you bigger and sissy took the pill that makes you small.
c) The flax seed oil my ma ape sometimes gives me is the same kind Barry Bonds takes.
d) Our camera has a setting that adjusts the size of images by brain power.

More Prezzies!

So someone sent my ma ape this link that allows you to calculate how many manimals you have saved by not eating them. Here is what they (the tiny accountants in the internets who tabulate online quizzes) told her:

In 2905.8 days, you have saved:
1.0933 cows
240.00 chickens
2.6667 pigs
8.0001 turkeys
0.6400 ducks
453.34 fish

Total: 705.74 animals
Thank you

My ma ape finds this confusing, particularly since she never in her life ate duck. It's a bit unclear how they calculate this. But it is really irrelevant because she has blown it all completely today.

Someone call my vet because I think I just died and went to heaven. This is a box. Filled with THIRTY POUNDS OF MEATABLES.


The outside of the tubes of meat are not impressive--and here I am tasting them-- but I sense good things inside.


We got to try some of the dried stuff. Here I am trying the rabbitable.


And sillysissyface goes gaga for rabbitables.


And to make my ma ape feel better about having a 30 pound box of meat, here I am eating tomatables. I am not a carnivorous beast. Just a beast.


After we look some more at our eatables I will tell you MORE. I'm SO EXCITED!

I'm Art!

These are my friends Jackson, Narra and Buko (yes, the Young Coconut himself!). They are my real world friends, even though Narra, like my sister, is a total bitch. (What, that's the word for female dog!)

And they are totally cool because they did something so nice for me! They commissioned their ape to make a lovely Portrait of a Roacher!


The royal portrait of Wally has been realized in the perfect sketch of Wally in action!

Look--it's so good my sissy thought there was ANOTHER WALLY!


She wishes. Thanks for the burpday present, guys! You have trained your ape well.

More burpdayables!

There seems to be some confusion about whether it is my burpday, especially since some of you know I celebrated a burpday in Feburpary. Technically, my burpday (when I rescued my apes) is in Feblueberry. But I missed out on many burpdays and so I am making up for lost time by celebrating everyone's burpdays (yes, including yours Sherman!)! So while today is technically my ma ape's buprday it is also MY burpday. At least in my head.

Look at all the cards I got! Addressed to my ma ape! There's one I gave her with the two puddles for the PP in Happy. Because it's PEE, get it! Haha! So funny. Aren't we adorable posing?


And we're posing pretty because I gave my ma ape this! (gave as in I used Mr. J's plastic. And sent him out to get it.) It's a digital frame for pictures of ME. You can also play music like ABBA and Tom Waits Howling. That will be perfect for her office!


And THEN this BIG BOX came! I tried to scare away the UPS man, as I always do, but he's never intimidated. He doesn't even know!


Look! Another box inside the BIG BOX! My granny sent me NEW COOKWARE! And it is RED--so we will have a CORNHUSKER KITCHEN! It is perfect! Now she can whip up tasty snacks with her NEW pans and not her old (like her) ones. I will taste-test all the treats. Thanks so much granny. You are always so thoughtful with your giftables.


Now, even though it is my burpday, I am not a selfish bastard and I was sure to get my ma ape something special. I mean, at her age any burpday could be her last. So I got her SMOOCHEROONIES!

Pucker up, ma ape!

Buko Burpday!

It's our burpday! It's not actually the day I adopted my peeps or the day I was born (probably) but I have vowed to celebrate every burpday in the house as if it were my own! That's how selfless I am. So the ma ape announced she was making BUKO CAKE.


Let me explain. This is my friend Buko! His name means "young coconut" in Tagalog. It's funny because he doesn't really taste like a coconut. I know because when I first met him I got in big trouble for tasting him around his neck. They shouldn't have told me he was a coconut!


While I love cake I didn't want Buko made into a cake. I was worried until I realized the Buko in THIS cake looked like this:



And that is either a REALLY ugly shepherd or something else. It didn't bark so I think we're ok.

This is what the Buko Chai cake looked like:



We offered to do a taste test to make sure it was up to our high standards. My sissy thought it was eye-crossing good:


Good enough for a second bite.


Even picky ol' me approves.


Mmmmm..frostables!


I wonder what else I will get for my burpday?

If I were a Rock Star

OK, I have like a million tags to respond to but one of them is from my pal Suki who asked: if you were a rock star, who would you be?

After some consideration of Keith Richards (and the Spice Girls), I settled on this guy--Tom Waits. We are both kind of old but ageless dudes. And we have lovely gravelly voices. And we both howl like dogs. Me, beause I am one. Him because he's singing a song called Rain Dogs.

Goodbye Turd Blossom!

Karl Rove, aka Turd Blossom, aka "Bush's Brain" (sad, isn't it), is OUTTA HERE. To which I say--fantastic! Now the turds can reclaim their good name. He says he wants to spend more time with his family. Yeah, sure. I smell a SUBPOENA!

Here's a little celebratory roachin' to enjoy the demise of the creature we thought would outlast even the roaches:

Bikini Babes

You gotta see what the mighty Buster made! Are we hot or WHAT!

Pop over to Buster's blog to see two HOT bikini babes.

Wally Vs. Gristle

Warning: graphic meat eating content below.

I am not only a refugee in the garden, I am also the master of the meatables. Watch here as I battle the mighty gristle on my meaty bone.

Rip it to the right.

Tear it to the left.


Try old fashioned intimidation.


The gristle has won.