Never too hot for prezzies

Sunny

90°F
Feels Like
104°F

This is what The Weather Channel said about our weatherables. And it's 6 p.m. STINKY! This is what I look like melting:


Look at what my sissy has done to the Jolly Ball! She poked holes in it! She should be more careful about her toyables. I was also sad because my ma ape said it might be time to part with my big wiener. No, that's not a euphemism for neutering--I already did that. Nor am I having a bris. The Big Wiener is my big yellow wiener dog toy. I've had him for a year but it was time for him to go after I ripped out his innies.

So my ma ape left. And without me! But she came home with--A Boner! What? Why is everyone giggling? She went to the pet store and they already had Halloweenie toys and one was a SKELETON WEENIE--ooooh, scary!


Here is how I bite the skeleweenie/The Big Boner. I need to get a picture of his funny spooky face.


But the real reason my ma ape went to the PetSmartable was to get my granny a little present--a Petsmart Charities T-shirt with a CORGI on it. Here I am modeling next to it.

And here I am putting a little of myself on the shirtable. A little Wallyfur and dander for you, granny!


I hope I am not ruining the surprise but my granny is in CHICAGO helping my onkel Eric move so maybe she won't see my blogable. And she's, like, even older than my MA APE so maybe she will forget even if she does find out.

My ma ape wanted to bring me home a BIG surprise--a brother from the SPCA! They have a boy Dogue de Bordeaux that my ma ape pines for but the other ape said "NO, BAD MA APE" so I don't have a brotherable, only a Big Boner. It's probably for the best because I am one grumpy old dude. And I like my ma ape's undivided attention.

Clearing the Air

I would like to defend my good name. Now, while I did have a case of room-clearing flatulence yesterday my sissy DOCTORED the photo to make it look like a gas cloud had drifted out. They happened to be silent (and invisible) but deadly, thank you very much. SHE stuck her nose there--what did she expect?

And, just a reminder. My sissy is one crazy bitch:




Which of these faces would YOU trust?


What kind of a dog could be mean to this?

BULLETIN FROM ETHEL!!

This just IN-WALLY IS STINKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

ETHEL RULZ!

Wally's Ark

It has been raining for 40 days and 40 nights (give or take) and so we have had to keep ourselves entertained. We have slept at least 20 hours a day (nothing new there) but have also found exciting things to do in the dry indoors. Many of these things have involved RAMPAGING.

I even got SO DESPERATE for entertainment I tried to read one of my ma ape's books. BOOOOO-RING!


My sissy practiced yacking faces:

And I decided, in a tribute to Old Noah, I would eat two of every animal! Or at least two of every animal in our freezing box. I am starting with the beefable.


This steak has a built-in boneable! We are having an indoor pic-i-nic because it is too damp outside to eat and if we eat in the kitchen we rub our meatables all over the floor and my ma ape has to clean up after us--ha!

I'd better get to eating because the sun is coming out.

An Honorary Title

I have never done this before but I do believe Jon Stewart, in this clip from The Daily Show, has earned the title of Honorary Corgador:

Tongues Are Wagging

My ma ape found this string of photos on her camera. She thinks she needs to take us to remedial "Keep Your Tongue in Your Mouth" class:





Also, look at my awesome snaggletooth.


It is rainy and we are bored.

Vick is Sacked!

Michael Vick is making a plea agreement in the dogfighting case.

From the times:

The Associated Press reported this lovely tidbit, that about a dozen Vick No. 7 jerseys have been donated to the Atlanta Humane Society, which uses them for blankets and also to mop up.

Unattainable Standards of Beauty

It's hard out there for a beautiful dog--pressure to be furry, thin, well-built. And I am talking, of course, about squeakies. I came across this picture on Sparky's blog He decided his new wiener was too fat so he performed a little lipo.



After a little back and forth with my big wiener, I convinced him to have weight-loss surgery.


I started in the chest.


And then moved down to the belly.


And up to his double-chin!


Ugh. I have lipo-lip.


The big wiener has been cut down to size but the big ass must always remain Big.

Singin' in the Rain

It has been raining forever, I think. So I'm passing the time my practicing some of my best tunes.

"Wallyloo" by ABBA.


"It's Raining Dogs!"


"Ain't nothin' but a Wally dog....howlin' all the time!"


"Wally Got Back"




Will serenade for snacks.

Dining With Al

Yesterday we had to have breakfast with Al Fresco. My ma ape said that when we eat our rabbit we take it out of our bowls and slop it all over the kitchen so we have to eat in the outside with this Al dude. Here I am waiting patiently.


Hurry up, Al! I'm starving!


Breakfast in the outside! You can see I'm going straight for the rabbit butt in my bowl but I also have brothables and fruitables and vegetables and even my pillables in there!


Sissy LOVES rabbit.

She loves it so much she ate SO FAST that she had TWO rabbit butts and I only had ONE butt and she ate both of hers before I ate mine and then she tried to STEAL MINE! If she keeps up this thievin' she's going to be a Stealers fan like Joe Stains.


But I held on to my eatables!


And I worked it!


Breakfast is hard work. I'm going to need a nap after this.

My ma ape got our rabbitables and our meat tubes (more on those later!) from this place called Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow (they're not gone, they're in my belly!). They sent us 30 pounds of meatables! They raise tasty meatables without antibiotics and growth hormones and various things that might turn us into hulking beasts. I highly recommend their meatables but hide them from stealin' sissies!