Friday, December 22, 2006

barney bush's holiday extravaganza.

someone call faux news, barney the presidential dog has released his latest video and it is called barney's holiday extravaganza! the war on christmas continues and the dogs are getting involved! you can see it here, but for those who lack the time, here are the highlights:

1) the president chastising his dog for not having thought things through in advance, lacking a sufficient plan, and being unprepared. (barney--if i were you i'd leave a little 'pre-emptive strike on the oval office rug, if you know what i mean).
2) barney walking past a row of books. of course, he's probably the only one who has ever taken them off the shelf.
3) since the election, karl rove has been demoted to bit parts in the dog films. and, surprise!, he's still a smug bastard.
4) karl rove is the only administration official to not be given a title in the closing credits (other than mrs. laura bush). does this mean he's been fired?
5) tony snow pretends to care what the media thinks
6) the treasury guys calcuate the budget on a large button calculator. explains a lot.
7) barney, miss beazley, and willie (the goddamn cat) are still the only ones who emerge from this mess untarnished.

this image is old but i think it bears repeating. here bush drops his dog barney in front of horrified onlookers. seems like of metaphorical, eh?


update on ozzie the superdale

about a month ago i blogged about ozzie the superdale, an airedale who saved his owner's life by stepping in between him and a hit and run driver who struck ozzie (instead of his owner) and drove off. ozzie is home and recovering well and the lady who hit him is not (cuz she was arrested!)

he's such a good boy he deserves a kiss from miss sunshade (if she didn't already have a million boyfriends!)

sniff sniff

i gave part of my christmas fund to magic, this german shepherd who was found impaled on the top of a fence, probably trying to get out to find food. you can see her story here.

k-9 to 5

yeah, i stole the title from the animal planet show (with the theme song: k-9 to 5, wally's going to WORK, sleeping like a log, k9 to 5!). but here's a nearly sad story about a workin' dog near my digs. she looks kinda like my sister, too so i was very worried:

(CBS 3) SMYRNA New Castle County police have found a police canine that disappeared Friday morning. Authorities said the light brown and black Belgian Malinois named ‘Zara’ when missing after her handler let her outside around midnight. Police said Zara is small and resembles a german shepherd. While she is generally friendly, she is also a a fully-trained police canine specializing in explosive detection. Zara was found harmed around 8:30 a.m., but further details were unknown.

this is why i choose to live the life of leisure. it's much safer.

not me!

let me state for the record that i was not in cedar rapids iowa (though i know someone who went to college there!) on tuesday:

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - An employee working the drive-through window at a McDonald's will have a tale to tell. When the worker went to the open window thinking the car pulling up had already ordered, the people in the car threw a dead cat through the window, police said.

Cedar Rapids Animal Control officer Matt McAtee said the black domestic shorthair appeared to have been dead for a while.

while i do not have an airtight alibi i do lack sufficient motive because i would obviously never leave a drive-through without burgers and at least one supersize.


Thursday, December 21, 2006

stocking stuffer!

mr zoomer lives in virginia but could be sleeping under your tree for christmas. look at those stumpy legs--is there anything cuter?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

who knew?

one of the most e-mailed stories in the new york times is "please let it be whale vomit, and not sea junk." it turns out--whale barf is incredibly valuable!

Ambergris begins as a waxlike substance secreted in the intestines of some sperm whales, perhaps to protect the whale from the hard, indigestible “beaks” of giant squid it feeds upon. The whales expel the blobs, dark and foul-smelling, to float the ocean. After much seasoning by waves, wind, salt and sun, they may wash up as solid, fragrant chunks.

Ambergris has been a valued commodity for centuries, used in perfume because of its strangely alluring aroma as well as its ability to retain other fine-fragrance ingredients and “fix” a scent so it does not evaporate quickly. Its name is derived from the French “ambre gris,” or gray amber. During the Renaissance, ambergris was molded, dried, decorated and worn as jewelry. It has been an aphrodisiac, a restorative balm, and a spice for food and wine. Arabs used it as heart and brain medicine. The Chinese called it lung sien hiang, or “dragon’s spittle fragrance.” It has been the object of high-seas treachery and caused countries to enact maritime possession laws and laws banning whale hunting. Madame du Barry supposedly washed herself with it to make herself irresistible to Louis XV.

In “Paradise Regained,” Milton describes Satan tempting Christ with meat pastries steamed in ambergris. In “Moby-Dick,” Melville called it the “essence found in the inglorious bowels of a sick whale.” Old newspapers show clippings every few years describing some whaling crew coming upon a hunk, or some vacationing family finding it on the beach and either cashing in — or discovering it was just ocean detritus.

It appears that barf is big business! and you naked apes think we're weird for eating our own spit-up. at least we don't spray it on ourselves!

Monday, December 18, 2006

weekend at wally's

my weekends are pretty routine. trip to the park (with the detour to the wawa for the human gasoline--coffee). then we come home and the naked apes yell at the tv. nonsensical things like "go beagles" "tackle HIM" and "i'm never watching football again." here are some photos of some of my favorite bits.

here i am trying to eat a human hand. not so tasty.

the little brown spot on my side is a cluster of burrs that stuck to me after trekking through the wilderness. i was so brave. i could probably be a search and rescue dog if the snow didn't get so darn deep and my legs weren't so darn short. but, you will be glad to know, the burrs were removed without incident or injury even without calling 911 as i originally suggested.

and, again, my ritual chasing of the geese. they live i n fear of me.

anatomy of a wally

this weekend i kept wanting to get all up in the camera lens with my lovely mug. so here are pictures of some of my best bits. i'm hoping that the akc recognizes the corgador as a legitimate breed with me, of course, as the breed standard. so here are the important bits:

eyes to spy.

a nose for pee mails.

and a mouth fit for a king of chewin'. with the 5 teeth i have left anyway. best in show!

Sunday, December 17, 2006


look, i understand that you naked apes can't help the fact that you're hairless (well, sort of. why do you insist on shaving all your bits? that's just weird) and hence, you can't help the fact that you're ugly. HOWEVER, stealing the fur from those of us who are lovelies is NOT COOL. take this story about a coat being sold at macy's as fake fur (appropriately, it is sean john, p. diddy's line so it's by a fake designer/fake rapper!). and it may be made from....dogs! eeewwwwwww!

The Humane Society of the United States said a $237.99 Sean John Hooded Snorkel Jacket for sale on Macy's Web site was described as having an "imitation rabbit fur collar."

But the group said when it purchased the coat, the label read "Made in China" and "genuine raccoon fur." The group said it is testing the fur to see if it is from a raccoon dog, a type of dog raised in China whose fur resembles that of a raccoon.

or take the picture from this post of a real-honest to goodness "bridger mountain man" coyote hat that you can buy at cabela's. for real. and the product description makes it sound even more appealing:

"I have purchased a number of fur hats in my day but this is by far the warmest and most comfortable. Not only does it keep the back of my head warm but you can wrap the legs around your face to block the wind. The only reason this hat did not receive 5 stars is due to the fact that I was attacked by a bird thinking it was wounded prey while I was out for a walk. A rare but unfortunate occurrence when wearing an animal pelt on your head. Also great in the rain. Didn't smell at all after it was wet and it makes a great present. I'm getting one for my wife."

look, stop being so lazy and either grow your own fur or live with your ugly hairlessness, ok? ewwwwwww.

we're number 1!

the hoosker women won the national championship in wallyball last night! woo! and, according to the seattle times, hoosker fans are, of course, the greatest.

"Volleyball is a sport of beauty, grace and power. It's an intoxicating combination," writes Omaha World-Herald sports columnist Tom Shatel. "It is the most appealing of all the women's sports. And the most underrated of all the college sports."

"It's a sport of speed, grace and cunning, played high in the air and low on the floor, with rapid turns of momentum," writes World-Herald metro columnist Michael Kelly. "The players resemble ballet dancers with bazookas — ready, set, kill."

I'm intrigued by wallyball. i think my sister ethel could be a cornhusker. she's all tall and skinny and fast and ferocious. i think she could do it (she just has to stay academically eligible which could be hard.) can you tell which of these is the real wallyball player?