The Yin and Yang of Eatables

The New York Times has a story this week called "I Love you but you Eat Meat" about how dietary particularities can cause the demise of a relationship. This made me think about me n' my ma ape. Me n' my sissy are big fans of a little meatable eatable.




My ma ape, however, is a veganable. Here is vegan Mac Daddy.


But me and my ma ape get along like Peanut Butter and Bananas! I am thinking about writing a song--to the tune of "Ebony and Ivory" called "Meatable and Vegetable." I have warned my ma ape, however, that I have not ruled out eating HER should she keep me on this diet too long. Here I am basting her:

One of the Best Days of the Year!

What is one of the most important days EVER! TODAY! It's my girl Samantha's BURPDAY! And her burpday is exactly ONE WEEK before MINE! Is that coincidence? NO! It's kismet. In honor of my special girl, here's a song I picked out for my girl called "In Spite of Ourselves."



Here are some of the lyrics:

She don't like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossin' her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
She gets it on like the Easter Bunny
She's my baby I'm her honey
I'm never gonna let her go

Here she is, the most beautiful basset babe in the world!

Have a great one Sam! (And everyone else can dog pile on her here to wish her a happy one, too!) Let our burpday week begin!

I am the MOST LOVEREST!

HI! I'm ETHEL and I LOVE TENNIS BALLS! SeconDARily I love BOYFRIENDS. Look what MAXY WROTE FOR ME!

You are the beautiful color in my soul,
The music that resounds in my heart,
The kibble that fills my bowl,
The self of my heart from which I cannot part.

No one's haunches are more lucious,
No one's ball drive is more driven,
No one's smile is more capricious,
No one's love for which I'm more striven.

Be mine this valentine...

Thy own Maxey

MY BROTHER said that MAXY is superduper smartalicious for rhyming luscious and capricious! I don't EVEN KNOW! I only KNOW that it makes my HEART go pitter-patter, but not all JACKED UP pit-pit-pit-pitterpatter like WALLY who has an ARRHYTHMIC HEART cuz it CAN'T DANcE!

And my Gibraltar Gentleman Pippa made THIS


Oh look that's GOOD STUFF! So it's YOUR TURN THIRD BOYFRIEND TUCHUCK!

Happy VD!

Beef Hearts are Red
Berries are Blue
You Just got Drool from Wally ON YOU.

Happy Heart Day to ALL my buds! Ethel sends special smoochsmooches to her main dawgs Pippa n' MaxyV n' Tuchuck and to her BFF Penny. I would like to send special love to my smoochable poochables SophieB, RANDAY, Narra and the Corgi Girls. Also to my Bromances Stan, Buster, Sherms, and Peanut. Cuz dudes need love too!

And I got a little something something for my special short-legged sweetie, SA-MAN-THA! (Everyone else close your eyes!)

Junk in the Trunk!

Wally Tamale Gets Serious (Sort of)

Your heart just melted, eh?

I'd like to be serious for a moment, keeping the fart jokes to a minimum. (Minimum, not zero). I have a burpday coming up on the 22nd--the big FIVE (actual age not known). It's been almost five years since I rescued my ma ape. This is very exciting and I've been spending a lot of time watching My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV and I've learned that I need to be a total brat, buy an expensive and tacky dress, and have a big name performer. I understand negotiations with the Spice Girls broke down after they ended their tour due to creative differences (who gets the platform shoes with the fish in the sole?) So now I'm working on an ABBA tribute band.

Now, I take my burpday VERY seriously and I have every intention of partying like it is 1999 (when I likely had better hips that could take the swiveling). I've been getting tips from the Whippets who know how to throw a bash. But here's the thing. I'm a dog who has everything he needs. A home, half a dozen beds, forty-seven blankets, a heating bad, an enormous pile of stuffies, a freezy box full of meatables. I am not a dog who has everything he wants. And what I want is for every dog who has ever been homeless like I was to find a home where they are treated like the awesome dudes they are.

I was inspired by my good pal Marvin who asked on his last birthday that everyone who was thinking of giving him presents to instead give them to a dog in need. I think this is a wonderful idea. I don't expect anything for my burpday (except from YOU MA APE! PONY UP!) but if you were thinking about sending something I hope you will consider giving to a shelter or a rescue or just to a dog you know who maybe has less than he deserves. Here's some inspiration, Ms. Bobbi who is in a shelter in Yakima, Washington (where I am from!). I'm trying to convince my ma ape to drive and get her.



I, doing my part, promise to get down get down for my burpday and take lots of pictures of me celebrating and carrying on. And you are all welcome to party with me! No party poopers allowed--MA APE!

A Tale of Two Grammies!

OK, this is really about one Grammie but the title is literary and stuff. You all know that I have many admirers including my Granny (N for Nebraska) and Grammie (M for My Friend Peanut's Grammie!). That's a lot of grandparent love for one little dude. Let me demonstrate.

Last Saturday my sissy and I were yellingyellinyelling at the door and my ma ape was yellingyellingyelling at us. "WHAT is your PROBLEM" is what she said. And then she found that the mail lady (who is totally cool and gives us snacks if we're outside so we always yell hello at her. For a good 5-10 minutes) had brought me a BOX! See, it has my name on it! And it is priority mail so that means that I am a PRIORITY!


Ma ape! Put down the camera and pick up the pace! (Do you see me doing the alien eyes above, Grammie? That's because I could TELL it was from you...)


I found a card inside for ME! From Moco, Foley, Dawson and my very own GRAMMIE!


It is a burpday card which is both festive and bossy--like me!--because in addition to wishing me a great burpday Grammie also instructs me to tell my ma ape to get off her lazy keister and make me a ramp to get into the big bed with her! (Grammie might have put it a bit more nicely but I'm sure she meant to say the keister bit).


Grammie knows me so well! She sent me Nathan's Hot Dogs which are the kind they eat in the Hot Dog eating contest July 4th at Coney Island.


Grammie knows I'm in training as a serious competitive eater. I'm an athlete and I need regular training!

And my ma ape let my sissy have some even though the card said I can share with Ethel, not that I have to.


Mmmmm...Lambie Liver. Grammie also sent breath mints and I was pretty surprised she could smell my sissy's stank breath all the way on the other coast! I told sissy she stunk. And Grammie sent me BOOOOONES.

Look at me! I'm verklempt. Thanks Grammie! I'm currently working on boxing up some smoocheroonies. My ma ape says we'll have to send them overnight, though, so they don't spoil in the mail.

Politics as it should be--satirical!

Some of you may have seen the video that will.i.am the black eyed pea (the music group, I don't actually name food) made for Bark Obama.



I have mixed feelings about music videos on behalf of political candidates but I just had to share this one that would have made me pee my pants laughing. If I wore pants. And if that wouldn't be a waste of good pee mail.



Now, I've been quiet for a day or so and I've been babbling like my boring ma ape about politics so I promise I will soon have a GREAT post that is a TRIBUTE to my GRAMMIE who is the greatest GRAMMIE EVER. Details to come. (Also--party planning!)