Fierce in the Hood!

Last night my ma ape came home to find a Petit Paquet on our front steps. It came par avion-- Aire Dale! Oh I was so excited, but confused. Wallypalooza has been eclipsed by JOEYPALOOZA (Happy Burpday Dude!). But inside I found TWO cards and a present!


The card on the left, with my ma ape on it, is a burpday card. And on the right is a Paddy's Day card! And who is sending Petit Wally Petit Paquets?

SOPHIE B in the HOUSE!

And the present was a Paddy's Day present! How did she even know I am IRISH! Is it my support for O'Bama? My Guinness guzzling? My love of Roddy Doyle books? My anger at the British that comes out only after my second pint? My wicked good Irish dancing? Well, here I am in all my glory in my NEW Paddy's Day hoodie.


But wait! That's not even the best angle--SEE! (Warning: HBO language ahead).


BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Do you see how it fits me PERFECTLY, with legs ending exactly at my ankles, and hugging my curves while revealing my best asset (le bum!) An outfit this fierce deserves multiple angles so you can see the perfect fit, the fine workmanship and the fact that for some reason I snaggle a lot while wearing it:


I think it could definitely work to harden my image:


Thank you Sophie! Kiss me, I'm Irish!


Sophie, you will never be OUT!

Another Super Tuesday!

Tomorrow will be an incredibly important, even historic, day in American pawliticks. Ohio, Texas, Vermont, and Rhode Island will be voting and it will be time for an underrepresented group finally find a voice in American politics. I have been working very hard to ensure a high turn out. I've been canvassing the neighborhood, sending loads of pee-mails and shouting at everyone who walks by my door. Since I don't live in any of these states my efforts may be wasted. But no one can say I have not been paw-litically active. Why? Because my bud Ernest is running. And, frankly, it is time for a short-legged guy to win the presidency! And look! He has t-shirts AND stickers. That shows some major ambition:



Look at his cool logo!


Yes, I believe it is time to end the tyranny of long-legged Presidents and let a short-legger/roachin' king take the reins:


And for those of you who are skeptical that a short-legger can do the job? That we're not temperamentally suited to do the job? That we'll be soft on defense and too emotional? I would beg to differ. Anything you can do, a short-legger can do. And with more panache.

Short-leggers can fly:


And use our legs as perfect bully strap holders.


We can defy gravity with just one ear.


Also, it is Ernest's burpday this week so if he doesn't win at least he'll get loads of attention and stuff.

The Wathel

I was browsing Petfinder, as I like to do, to do pre-emptive strikes against all the dogs my ma ape wants to adopt and give MY snacks to. I discovered a disturbing trend. What do you see here???

Tater Tot in Nebraska.





Stubby in Texas.





AJ in Louisiana.




Cody in Georgia.




Tesla, in Vermont.





Lucille, in D.C.



It's WATHELS!!!!! At first I was concerned it might have something to do with this:


But I have been neutered. And sissy has been spayed. Twice. And she never puts on weight so she could never hide a baby bump. And also, I never actually get into even the general vicinity of the, um, appropriate bits.

And then I realized. Someone is doing a genetic experiment. Like cloning only combining our DNA. They must be stopped. Cuz no way am I paying all that child support.

Doofus in my House!

As many of you know, Joe Stains' brother Tanner (aka Doofus) has a broken butt. Well, I have uncovered further evidence that my sissy may, in fact, be suffering from doofusitis. I give, you exhibit one: the broken butt. A little over a month ago her butt exploded. It healed but she had to go back to the vet today to have him blow it up for her before it exploded. Here's how I discovered it:

OMD! What's that smell!


Odor coming from this general direction.


Hmmm--getting warmer. And stinkier.


The stink intensifies.


Smell...almost...overpowering.


Must...get....away....

Whew! Got out just in time...


Yup, the Doofus has landed.