SPCA Saturdays

MaxyV warned me--once a cheater, always a cheater. And he was right. My ma ape has become a serial cheater and spends her Saturday mornings at the SPCA with dogs who are NOT ME. That's right. So I guess I'd better let her do it--so long as she doesn't bring any home! So here are her new friends from the SPCA.

Meet Baxter the flying dog:


He loves zoomies, belly rubs and my ma ape.


Meet Pudge! She is a lab with flea bite infection and you can see how she got her name:


RahRah! She's a brindle whippet mix:


This girl doesn't have a name yet but answers to "Sweetie!" and loves her some snackables. She likes to play ball and likes to play kissing my ma ape (that's MY GAME):


This is one of my ma ape's faves, Boudreaux Wilson who she says reminds her of Sherman with Mango's head. He makes drool like nobody's business:


And look! It's my sissy! Hahahahahahaha!


Not really--she's a borzoi mix named Elizabeth who looks an awful lot like my sissy and my ma ape wanted to bring her home. Lizzy likes zoomies and peeps.


If you live in Delaware or Pennsylvania or Maryland or New Jersey you could have one of these dogs! And please someone get Lizzy Tizzy before I have Ethel+ Elizabeth, the long-legged tag team bossing me around!

Many of you have asked me to list your siblings for sale which I think is wonderful but when I tried to open an ebay shop they said no live animals! Alas. But I thought I would share an oldie but goodie Shel Silverstein Poem (annotated version):

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding
So who will start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar? A nickle? A penny?
Oh isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any?
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale?
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
[...]

Brother for sale, only 10 cents...
He will always pick you up when you take a fall
And he's good at showing you how to catch a ball
He always tells these funny jokes and does this crazy dance.
Hey wait, he sounds like a pretty nice guy.
Let's give him one more chance

Our brother's not for sale, not for any price
Our brother's not for sale, we guess he'll suffice.
We love to hug him, we love to bug him,
he's really rather nice.
Our brother's not for sale, not for any price.

Who's Got a Monkey Stick? I DO!

I would like to become an official spokesdog for the Monkey Stick. Not only does it honk and squeak with particular efficiency at 4 a.m., it also is a multi tasker.

Monkey Stick Pillow:


Monkey Stick Snuggler:


When you tired to hold up your head while you chew your monkey stick, Monkey Stick is a head holder:


And you can even use it for Monkey Stick Smooch Practicer:

Dogs With Parties!

Busy today. Getting ready to pawty!

I'm so excited I'm roachin':

My name is Wally/I like to pawty!/If you don't believe me/Watch me shake my booty!

(If you recognize that reference you get one big Wally slobber.)

Smile!

My granny (with an N) sent this video to me.



It was on NPR with this text:

I really don't smile that much. It's not that I am unhappy or depressed. It's just not in my nature. I tend to take life a little seriously.

But, as part of my coverage for NPR in China, I visited the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding and Zhang Zhihe. He's a gentle man who speaks about the giant pandas as if they were his own family. At the end of our time together, I asked him why he thought the giant panda bears are so popular. A simple answer from the professor: "Because they make you smile!"

I agree wholeheartedly and came up with my own list of things that are good because they make us smile and keep us from taking ourselves too seriously: dogblogs, Stephen Colbert, ice cream, "The Humpty Dance," and Wally Tamale. Yes, I make myself smile.

Youthful Exuberance

I've been making some old jokes at the expense of Senator McSame, seen here:


My sissy helpfully reminded me that I too am a bit advanced in age. I am not yet so old and forgetful, however, that I accidentally passionately embrace the Worst President Evah who also engaged in an ugly smear campaign against me last time we ran against each other. Cough cough.

So to demonstrate that age ain't nothin' but a number and you are only as old as you remember you are, here are some photos of me showing off my impressive and youthful exuberance:

I believe I can fly!


You might think this is the heir to Michael Jordan. It's a common mistake.

No stiffness in THIS neck!


Um, heh. Definitely life in this old coot.


Aaaand...fast enough to make a quick getaway!


And barfing after a wild night out!

Ready for my Close-Up

Are the primary results in? I'm sooooooo bored! Wake me up when the Dogocrats have a candidate.

Mutual of Omaha's Wild America

Camoflaging himself amongst the monkey sticks, the corgador lies in wait, biding his time until he pounces on their honkers.

Cross-Species Bonding!

So tonight I am have a totally cool cross-species bonding night! I have locked my rabbit-hunting sissy in the bedroom and my best rabbit pal Finlay and I will be watching one of our favorite shows about a strange and unusual species--Southern Californicus Vacuouosis--on The Hills! We are like anth-ro-pologists studying another culture, one with lots of eyeliner and exclusive nightclubs that all look the same. But importantly we have to be ready for some quality dining. So Finlay wanted her favorite chow--PIZZA!


My ma ape said I could not have pizza because that's what the other Ape got me for dinner Friday night and I had a touch of the gas all weekend. So my ma ape said she would make me something special. I thought maybe from this book because the person that Finlay owns is the publicist--Veganomicon!


But my ma ape said I don't have to eat just vegetables because I am an omnivore--I eat anything (and everything.) So she said I could make a special cake for a special occasion--Penny's burpday and Sherman's-Healthy-As-A-Tank Day! So she made me liver and heart pie! I tasted the ingredients to make sure they're a-ok:



And then she put it in the oven and I guarded it very carefully:


The pie is delicious, Finlay! Now let's watch some MTV! Dra-ma!


P.S. Recipe for Liver/Heart pie (which ma ape was wingin' cuz Sherman's mom was improvising their beef heart cake and she was inspired): One package beef liver, One package beef Heart (about 2/3 pound each), four eggs (with shells), two apples, half a cup of cottage cheese (approximately), 2-3 cups oatmeal. Grind wet ingredients in blender. Pour into bowl. Blend up oatmeal (my ma ape learned this from ShermApe--it gets the liver nastiness off the blender!) in the blender until fine. Mix in bowl. Spread on cookie sheet. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Listen to whining until it cools. Cut into pieces with cookie cutter. Feed to whining dogs.

Lipstick on the Collar

My ma ape came home smelling like other animals again on Saturday. She goes to the SPCA and takes pictures of pets for their Petfinder page and then she walks them and plays with them. This time she showed me some of her pictures before I stumbled on them myself.

This is wee Gracey who is a baby pit bull and think she is a human baby who needs burping:


Ahhhhhh! Demon cat!


And this dude is Monty. His head is, like, the size of ME.


And he is a goofball extraordinaire.


Also the dog in the front is free to good home. Maybe even a mediocre home. HA! Penny, do you want her for your burpday??