Another Installment in Wally's Guide to Football!

Hi Dudes! See me smiling! It is because my favorite pro team THE SEAHAWKS finally WON A GAME. They kind of stink this year but that's ok because I stick by my team through thick and thin. (Me thick, them thin.) And I am also excited because my other team the EAGLES (E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!) are playing the Steelers and this is an important lesson for my baby brudder Oscar Bean who needs to learn about the football.


See, a few years ago the Stealers stole the Super Bowl from MY Seahawks. They are also the cross-state rivals of my Dirty Bird Philadelphia Eagles! And so here I am demonstrating how we Fly Like Eagles! See this hat? My ma ape found it in the Bargain Bin at the sporting goods store.

I am pretending it is Ben Roth-less-burger, the Stealer's QB. GET HIM!

Here I am calling a huddle with the dogs to plan our next move on the snack bowl.

Oh I'm so nervous I can't watch!


Hi to my friends Joe Stains and The Shermanator who are Super Steelers fans! Whoever wins I think we all deserve some snacks.

P.S.: Joe--E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! Do you need a box of monkeys to dry your tears? I also highly recommend a bowl of ice cream. It always lifts my spirits.

Cross-Species Bonding!

So tonight I am have a totally cool cross-species bonding night! I have locked my rabbit-hunting sissy in the bedroom and my best rabbit pal Finlay and I will be watching one of our favorite shows about a strange and unusual species--Southern Californicus Vacuouosis--on The Hills! We are like anth-ro-pologists studying another culture, one with lots of eyeliner and exclusive nightclubs that all look the same. But importantly we have to be ready for some quality dining. So Finlay wanted her favorite chow--PIZZA!


My ma ape said I could not have pizza because that's what the other Ape got me for dinner Friday night and I had a touch of the gas all weekend. So my ma ape said she would make me something special. I thought maybe from this book because the person that Finlay owns is the publicist--Veganomicon!


But my ma ape said I don't have to eat just vegetables because I am an omnivore--I eat anything (and everything.) So she said I could make a special cake for a special occasion--Penny's burpday and Sherman's-Healthy-As-A-Tank Day! So she made me liver and heart pie! I tasted the ingredients to make sure they're a-ok:



And then she put it in the oven and I guarded it very carefully:


The pie is delicious, Finlay! Now let's watch some MTV! Dra-ma!


P.S. Recipe for Liver/Heart pie (which ma ape was wingin' cuz Sherman's mom was improvising their beef heart cake and she was inspired): One package beef liver, One package beef Heart (about 2/3 pound each), four eggs (with shells), two apples, half a cup of cottage cheese (approximately), 2-3 cups oatmeal. Grind wet ingredients in blender. Pour into bowl. Blend up oatmeal (my ma ape learned this from ShermApe--it gets the liver nastiness off the blender!) in the blender until fine. Mix in bowl. Spread on cookie sheet. Bake for 35-40 minutes. Listen to whining until it cools. Cut into pieces with cookie cutter. Feed to whining dogs.

In the Doghouse with the Shermanator

I'm in really big trouble with my buddy Sherman, my BFF and one of my oldest bromances. See, in my last post I promised smooches with a few in reserve for some of my hottie girlfriends and my special gents. But I forgot Sherman. Oh man did I hear it from him! But I have a reputation to uphold in terms of my milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard so I've gotta really turn on the Wally charms here to win back my Sherms. So everyone else avert your eyes, this involves groveling.

See, Sherman, I'm begging:



On my knees even.


I'm ready to give you that smooch--eyes closed, mouth open.


(That means with tongue, dude).


And, if you need more enticement, a little centerfold shot:


And my best side.


Sherman, chicken backs just wouldn't be the same without you. I mean, I'd still eat 'em and all but they wouldn't taste as good.

HAPPY BURPDAY SHERMANS!

It is my BFF Sherman's BURPDAY! He rescued his people on this date. So cool. Sherman deserves to have the greatest burpday ever!

He takes excellent care of his sissies.


He is a totally studly dude who can pull off even a rain slicker with great panache (and manliness). And look how skinny he is:


And he knows how to stay cool in the heat with a dirt hole and little beer:

Please tell your mum to pick up some things for you from me. Here's a list of suggestions.

A few steaks:



Chicken feets:



Your girl Dot! (So she's not afraid to travel alone, she'd probably better bring Sam with her, and drop her off at my house!)


A good sized raw meaty bone (this one the size is good but it needs more raw meaty).



And a cake! Look! This is a DotSpot Cake!



Have a great one buddy! Good job finding your peoples.

I wanna be like Sherman

Some days I wanna be like Ike because, really, who doesn't! But I also wanna be like my friend Sherman. He's one of the Dogs of Jackman Ave and I wanna be like him because it wouldn't be much work. I'm ALREADY like Sherman. We're both very compact, we have sometimes annoying and mean sissies, we have girlfriends in the Brat Pack, and we are loveable galoots.

Here's Sherman with his toys. I like toys too!


Here's Sherman eating. I like eating too!


Here I am trying to eat like Sherman, I'm showing my teeth! Aren't we both ferocious!


And slipping a little tongue.


And Sherman recommended the Furminator to make us prettier.


So WE got a Shermanator, too! This is a pile of sissy. She lost about half her weight getting brushed. I'm a little Shermanator shy because I'm afraid of brushes with handles but I have contributed my own little piles.


Wally and Sherman BFF!

(P.S. I'm sorry I made fun of Pittsburgh. I didn't mean it. And look! We have a Steelers Furminator!)