Thursday, September 15, 2005

my new friend

as you can see, i made friends with a new naked ape last weekend. sophie likes eating, napping, playing, and being the center of attention. these are things i happen to enjoy, too.

you naked apes aren't so bad when you're little.

you don't listen so well, though. why'd you listen to your mawma when she said "don't feed the dog your sandwich" when i told you "feed me that sandwich, sophie!"

i like this picture because i look huge.

animals 1, humans 0

the sea lions are taking back the coast!

Think of them as amphibious sumo wrestlers. A pack of rowdy sea lions has invaded Newport Harbor, sinking boats, thrashing docks and, with their nonstop barking, turning residents into sleepless zombies.In a scene that has played out up and down the West Coast, the whiskered creatures are charming tourists but exasperating local officials, who are considering a bizarre array of methods to thwart the federally protected mammals. Tonight, the Harbor Commission will discuss the situation, which took on added urgency after 18 sea lions piled onto a 37-foot sailboat this month and sank it.

i'm a big fan of sea lions myself given that i too am a masterful swimmer, love to eat fish, and i am awkward on land. i was confused by this part of the story, though:

The sheriff's harbor patrol has been fielding at least two noise complaints a day, Sgt. David Ginther said."A barking dog doesn't hold a candle to this. It's like 40 barking dogs — in SurroundSound," grumbled Balboa Peninsula resident Darci Schriber.

who wouldn't want to listen to 40 barking dogs? well, i guess not all dogs have a melodious voice like mine.

good luck sea lions. and may the best beast win.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

you make a good point

so kurt vonnegut, an author my onkel eric and i like to read, was on the daily show. you can see him here. the best thing he said was about (hu)man:

we are terrible animals.

couldn't agree more, though it is awfully nice of you to feed me and let me sleep on your couches. it's the least you can do.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

monkey outlives fascism

a new book chronicles how the authors of the curious george books escaped nazis by fleeing paris on a bicycle:

With refugees pouring into Paris from the north, Mr. Rey built two bicycles from spare parts, while Margret gathered up their artwork and manuscripts. They then joined the millions of refugees heading south, while German planes flew overhead.

The Reys found shelter in a farmhouse, then a stable, working their way by rail to Bayonne, and then to Biarritz by bicycle again. They were Jews, but because they were Brazilian citizens, it was easier to get visas. One official, perhaps thinking that because of their German accents they were spies, searched Mr. Rey's satchel. Finding "Fifi," and, seeing it was only a children's story, he released them.

They journeyed to Spain, then to Portugal, eventually finding their way back to Rio. "Have had a very narrow escape," Mr. Rey wrote in a telegram to his bank. "Baggage all lost have not sufficient money in hand."

The couple sailed to New York in October 1940, and "Curious George," as Fifi was renamed - the publisher thought "Fifi" was an odd name for a male monkey - made his first appearance the following year.

curious fifi became curious george. nazism lost and a little monkey who was too curious lived on to swallow puzzle pieces, sniff ether, and provide inspiration for naughty little monkies (and wallies) everywhere.

are penguins conservative?

according to the new york times, conservatives have latched onto the documentary the march of the penguins as symbolic of a variety of conservative causes from intelligent design (and good taste too since the designer saw fit to put them in tuxedos) to sexual virtue.

"March of the Penguins," the conservative film critic and radio host Michael Medved said in an interview, is "the motion picture this summer that most passionately affirms traditional norms like monogamy, sacrifice and child rearing."

Speaking of audiences who feel that movies ignore or belittle such themes, he added: "This is the first movie they've enjoyed since 'The Passion of the Christ.' This is 'The 'Passion of the Penguins.' "

before conservatives embrace their feathered friends too passionately, they might want to check out this. penguins from central park to germany have been demonstrating the passion of the penguins indeed. and it appears that the gay penguins are no pink elephants.

Monday, September 12, 2005

naked apes kill hairy apes

the naked apes are at it again, this time killing some of their primate cousins in nebraska. no, chimpanzees are not native to the plains but apparently some of them live at something called "zoo nebraska" where it sounds like the inmates are in charge of the asylum. workers failed to padlock their cages and the chimps opened them and got out. then the tranquilizer darts did not work so they shot three of the escaped chimps (a fourth returned voluntarily). when will you learn? don't cage something so close to you in intelligence. that goes double for trying to put me in a crate.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

you wish.

this weekend the new york times magazine (which i read religiously on sundays--what?) is running a story called "dogs are people too" about the inadequacy of plans to evacuate pets with their people, one of main reason people refused to leave new orleans. while i agree with the sentiment of the article i find the headline quite insulting. you naked apes WISH you were dogs too. not our fault we're cuter, smarter, and way more charismatic.

a good football weekend

i had a great weekend taking in the football. i love football because i love watching my naked apes yell at the tv (they know it won't answer back, right?) and sometimes i get snacks. it all started on friday when the o-h-i-o bobcats upset pitt in overtime. some of you may wonder why i'm rooting for a team with a cat for a mascot. well, in addition to my good pals glenn and amy (good belly rubbers) coming from o-h-i-o, mister frank solich, who was fired by my beloved huskers two years ago is their new coach. this could be interesting since the huskers, frank's old team, is playing pitt next weekend. if coach callahan, nebraska's new "coach," loses to pitt, heads are gonna roll in nebraska. frank is probably too polite to celebrate his old team's failures but the rest of us will have a good chuckle at the jackass athletic director's expense.

speaking of huskers, they won too! i can root for the huskers while also having schadenfreude about their jackass coaching choices, ok? logical consistency is for the naked apes. anyway, they beat wake forest with three of their four touchdowns scored by the DEFENSE. so much for the high powered west coast offense. (i come from the west coast. fortunately i am much more successful).

and the ud blue hens ALSO won in overtime in a nailbiter over lehigh. there was much nailbiting and screeching at the tv. we dogs know how to keep our games in perspective. unless they involve my friend mocha.