Your Cheatin' Heart

So my ma ape has been neglecting me. But now it has gotten worse. Do you remember two weeks ago when Elliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, had to have that totally embarrassing press conference where he had to get up and admit he'd been visiting prostitutes. Well, it' time for my ma ape to FESS UP because I know she has been CHEATING ON ME. I found dog hairs on her collar. Smelled belly rubs on her hand. Could see dried smooches on her cheeks.

First, let me remind you what she has at home. Cute:


Cuterest:


And then I found this on her camera:


Look at that attention hound! I could do that for her at home!


He thinks he's special cuz he has a big head.


And a grotesquely large tongue.

And this guy thinks it is cute to stick his snout in the camera.


That hangdog face. Pa-thetic.


And look at this spazzy girl.


Oh, and I suppose this guy thinks he's cute. What-ever! Everyone knows I have the corner on the big headed black dog market.


Turns out my ma ape went to the SPCA with Narra's ape to walk the dogs and take pictures. Guess who had to stay home. Me and sissy spent all day keeping interlopers away by shouting at them. And this is the thanks we get.

Wally Jokester

I know a joke!

Wally: Dude, you're crazy.
Ethel!: I know.
Wally: No, you're really crazy.
Ethel!: I KNOW.
Wally: No, I'm serious. You need to see a shrink.
Ethel!: I would, but I'm not allowed on the couch.

Look! I fell over from laughing:

Message for my Ma Ape

Dear Ma Ape,

Yeah, I'm using the computer without you. I told you I have opposable thumbs. That's how I open the cabinets when you're gone. And send text messages to my lady Samantha full of smooches. And opened that flat of cans of tripe.


We need to have a talk. You've been back since 8 a.m. on Monday and you have helped me blog ONCE. This is unacceptable. I know you say you have important things to do like catching up on sleep or teaching your classes but you need to get your priorities straight.


Priority #1:

A distant third: everything else.

Get it sorted ma ape. I could have you replaced.

Your Boyfriend's Back!

Yes I'm back! My ma ape was away and I was really mad because I saw she was going to the Dessert. And I wondered--pie or cake? Will it be Ala Mode? But then she explained that when it has one s it is skinny and it is a Desert.

First she had to go to SAN DIEGO and I'm totally mad because my girl Randi said I could have come and stayed at HER HOUSE but my ma ape said she had to go to a con-fur-ence. And I have FUR. But I didn't get to go. She had this picture from San Diego which is the land of giant lobsters:

And then she drove here:

That's Palm Desert where her Auntie and Onkel L n' G live when they are not living in Colorado, perilously close to the Buffaloes.

That is a daffodil in my Auntie's garden. She got the bulb at my Great Granny's funeral and it is blooming now. And I was STILL mad because I could have stayed with Auntie and Onkel LnG but my ma ape said No Dogs in the Desert:


It may be for the best because I don't like the heat and while she was gone I got a BOX filled with snackeroonies and ticker meds and someone had to guard the box.


And also I had to taste test the products--I approve! Now I have SO MANY blogs to catch up on!