Friday, March 27, 2009
My J.Ape is down in the DUMPS. Apprently there is this game called basketball involving very long legs. His Maymphis Tigers lost to the Misery Tigers and they will not be going to The Big Dance this year.
So I decided to do a little cheering up! So I got together the monkey stick.
And the peppy sheppys! (Yes, we dumped over the toy bucket in the background)
Sissy pinned down my brudder!
And I took care of the rest.
Do you feel better now, J.Ape? I do!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Cap & Trade, Wally Style!
Cap and trade is a climate control measure in which businesses, essentially, pay a tax on profits garnered from polluting practices. It's all the rage in the new climate change control measures. If you pollute under the cap you can "sell" the remainder to other companies.
Well, my ma ape has been reading stories about the environmental impact of pets like this article about how cats are RUINING THE OCEANS by eating overfarmed fish (I've known they were ruining the world for YEARS). Or this article about how some people are making their pets vegan to reduce their carbon footprints.
As some of you may know, my ma ape makes like a rabbit. She's been a vegetarian since she was a teenager (at least 470 decades ago) and is now a vegan. And she worries about all of the pollution we make (especially in her personal air space after eating a particularly large dinner). But she also agrees with this:
"With humans, of course, we believe that whether or not to consume meat is a personal and private choice. With our pets, of course, we're deciding for them," said Mindy Bough, senior director for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "Someone has to look at their own personal views and work with a veterinarian to make sure nutritional deficiencies aren't occurring."
So she decided to let us play a role in deciding and she gave us a choice: delicious rosemary tofu served with mushroom gravy on cauliflower and garlic mash or Cornish Hens? Our choice was unanimous:
HENS, PLEASE! (Actually, two of us chose both.)
So we're going to do a little cap and trade where the ma ape will try to make her carbon footprint SMALLER so that our little greedy footprints can be BIGGER!
Vegan/Raw and home prepared meals
More locally grown foods /More meatables from local sources
GARDENING!/ Eating tomatoes from the garden--NOM NOM
Commute by bike/As many walks as our twelve feets will carry us on
Canvas bags/Recycled poo bags (Oscar has offered to EAT our waste. This is being negotiated. Ma Ape's opening offer: STOP THAT!)
Composting/Leaving fresh organic materials for composting
Does anyone have any more suggestions for our cap and trade program? Also, I am looking for ways to reduce my brudder's gaseous emissions. I have come to accept the hot air coming out of the ma ape's mouth is inevitable.
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Many Faces of Wally
My lady MJ, who happens to be one of my many Canadian belles and beaus, asked a few posts bac when I am going to secure my own modeling contract. Well, I am already America's Next Top Wally (self-proclaimed) and I thought I would share my portfolio of looks.
Tongue two ways.
Eating a salad to keep my model figure.
Showing off my remaining teeth. Tooth, whatever.
As you can see, someone has been a bit shutter-happy. Whenever I have fainting episodes she gets all nostalgic and pampers me. I sure can play her like a fiddle!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Some of you may have noticed in my previous post that I have an IMPOSTER! Yes, this dude Andy who thinks he can BE ME! Well, I feel bad for him because he is not me and that must be hard. He's a Bullbador (American bulldog + Lab) not a Corgador. He's halfway there. But I'm a caring guy and decided to help him out. As you can see I sat down with Husker Gorilla to look for leg shortening tips in Women's Health. But they only had leg lengthening tips like wearing heels and skirts that end above the knee. But where are the leg shortening tips?
I will demonstrate now with my brudder who is embarrassed by his ugly gangly limbs. Stand in the distance to appear shorter. Distract the audience with greens casually attached to your better looking brudder's lips.
Stand in such a manner that your head looks larger than the rest of your body. Or, just have a head that is actually the size of the rest of your body.
Obscure the view of your unseemly long legs by smoking a lot. (Surgeon General's Notice: Dogs actually breathing in cool morning air. No lungs were damaged in the making of this photo. Smoking IS a handy way to stump your growth, though).
Make your legs look shorter by making your tongue look longer.
Your cover, however, will always be blown when you stand next to a dog with perfect squat legs. Therefore you should avoid moving in with a corgador at all costs, it will just make you feel inadequate due to your lengthy stems.
Do you see where I'm going with here, Andy? Don't move in with a corgador!
I hope these tips will help you all achieve the leg stumpitude, or at least the illusion of stumpitude, you have always dreamed of.