Sunday, March 22, 2009

Im-pre-poster-ous!

Some of you may have noticed in my previous post that I have an IMPOSTER! Yes, this dude Andy who thinks he can BE ME! Well, I feel bad for him because he is not me and that must be hard. He's a Bullbador (American bulldog + Lab) not a Corgador. He's halfway there. But I'm a caring guy and decided to help him out. As you can see I sat down with Husker Gorilla to look for leg shortening tips in Women's Health. But they only had leg lengthening tips like wearing heels and skirts that end above the knee. But where are the leg shortening tips?

I will demonstrate now with my brudder who is embarrassed by his ugly gangly limbs. Stand in the distance to appear shorter. Distract the audience with greens casually attached to your better looking brudder's lips.

Stand in such a manner that your head looks larger than the rest of your body. Or, just have a head that is actually the size of the rest of your body.

Obscure the view of your unseemly long legs by smoking a lot. (Surgeon General's Notice: Dogs actually breathing in cool morning air. No lungs were damaged in the making of this photo. Smoking IS a handy way to stump your growth, though).
Make your legs look shorter by making your tongue look longer.
Your cover, however, will always be blown when you stand next to a dog with perfect squat legs. Therefore you should avoid moving in with a corgador at all costs, it will just make you feel inadequate due to your lengthy stems.

Do you see where I'm going with here, Andy? Don't move in with a corgador!

I hope these tips will help you all achieve the leg stumpitude, or at least the illusion of stumpitude, you have always dreamed of.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

WOW!

We are soooo furry lukhky to have woo as our limb length khonsultant!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

10:01 AM  
Blogger Gus said...

Muzzer says it helps to wear socks that contrast with your shoes and legs. For instance: Pasty while legs with bruising from chasing dogs, purple socks that reach to the thickest part of said pasty legs, and brown loafers, a minimum of 15 years old and well broken in.

She does it all the time and it works


gussie

10:33 AM  
Blogger Joe Stains said...

Some dogs will just never be that lucky dude.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Moco said...

Grammie thinks that her legs are probably about the same length as yours. I think they may even be shorter.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Wally, I disguise my freakishly long legs by standing up as little as possible. It's easier to master this technique when you are an older gal like me. It might take your peppy sibs a few more years of practice.

xo
SB

12:29 PM  
Blogger Mango said...

There is nothing like a corgador, but many aspire to it. The head to body ratio is most difficult to achieve for a pointy headed sheppy.

Slobbers,
Mango

4:34 PM  
Blogger Princess, Tank and Isaac: The Newfs of Hazard said...

Oh Wally! We thought there was a larger than life sized poster (like maybe 16 x 13?) of you! You said I M Poster so that's what we thought. Now we're very disappointed.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

I don't think I want to shorten my legs because if I were any shorter, I wouldn't be able to reach ANYTHING!!!

Poppy

11:10 PM  
Blogger Suki Sumo said...

Moj and I are pretty stumpy, too. Especially in the face!

12:17 AM  
Blogger Simba and Jazzi said...

Looks like you had a good weekend.

Simba and Jazzi xx

1:52 PM  

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