Friday, January 21, 2005

bush reveals real religious faith?

the norweigians have seen bush for what he is! apparently, the stupid "hook 'em horns" thing is a salute in satan for them. yes indeed, texas is hell.

weekend wally

Tuggin Wally
Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
this is me playing with my favorite toy, my stuffed squeeky labrador retriever. all my squeekies are my favorite. once my mawma got me a "buster cube" that i could play with and get treats out of. she thought it would keep me busy and keep me from climbing the pantry shelves to get my own snacks. but it just made me SO MAD. i'd smack it with my paws, head butt it, bite it and nothing. not even a peep. why work for my food when i can take a nap, wait for mawma to get home, look cute, and watch the snacks start a-flowin'?

so my squeekies and i have big plans for this weekend. we're supposed to get 10 inches of snow tomorrow. i don't know about this. i've got about three inches clearance under my belly. the good news is that if it's bad out, my mawma can't go anywhere in the car so she's stuck with me all day! that means snacks for wally.

also, maybe the falcons won't be able to make it to philly so the beagles will be in the super bowl. beagles beagles!

by the way, this week is appreciate your dog week on animal planet. i highly recommend it--appreciating me, that is. this week they started a show called "barking mad" which i thought was about me at first but it's about bad animals with behavioral problems--it's like an animal funny farm. that's not me, other than the occasional case of leash aggression. oh, and when i went crazy with separation anxiety. anyway,this week there was a horse who was afraid of PIGS. hee! pigs! and when he saw pigs he freak out or if he saw something that was even remotely pig shaped he'd go nuts--so they had this great editing where they showed the horse looking at the bail of hay, then they cut to the horse, back to the hay, but now it's a pig! cut to horse, pig, hay, pig, horse, pig pig pig! i laughed so hard. but the horse got over it in the end.

i'm a little afraid of the buster cube. shhh.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

black thursday

inauguration day. i'm wearing all black for the occasion. yes, black is the only color my coat comes in. shut up. four more years. in dog years, that's a goddam long time.

i have to add dennis hopper to the "why the hell is he a republican" list:

Republican donor and veteran actor Dennis Hopper on his last-minute blackballing from the inaugural festivities today: "We were dismayed this week when my invitation to participate in the 'Celebration of Freedom' event . . . was withdrawn by the Presidential Inaugural Committee ... However, I would still like to express my support for President George Bush and our next four years." (Reliable Source)

i don't get it, easy rider. are you just another 60s sell out? did you fall off your motorcycle without a helmet? are you born again? are you on a bad trip? i could understand, say, a libertarian political independent who might have republican leanings but bush is no small-government anti-establishment libertarian. he was a yale cheerleader. don't be fooled by the brush clearing and cowboy boots. i know as a dog i can sniff out a lot more stuff than you nose- impaired naked apes, but can't you smell the bullshit, too?

to get serious for a moment, i'd like to address a serious problem in america today. three nights of american idol per week. i'm not going to say i have good taste in television. but i'm a dog, i think rolling in dead fish is a good time. what's your excuse?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

randy moss has nothing on me

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
you're lucky the nfl hasn't hired me yet. when i don't like something, i poop on it. here's me pooping at notre dame. ON notre dame.

word to the wise--don't make me mad.

oh, and freddy mitchell was funny when he pulled UP his pants when the beagles scored on the vikings. freddy was funnier when he thanked his hands for being so great. he's got attitude like me.

maybe he got neuticles?

let it snow!

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
here's me in the first snow of the year. i like playing in the snow. i make snow angels by flopping around on my back and i make yellow snow. i think you know how that works.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

anthropomorphism of different breed

look at this fish with the face of a hu-man! you naked apes sure like it when things look like you. i'm still partial to the holy toast. i'm a worshipper of food myself, you know.

oooh playoffs

i'm excited for football, especially the part where i get to lounge on the couch and eat lots of snacks. i'm a bit of a football fan, though i'm mostly partial to college football. and the nebraska cornhuskers in particular. i even have a buffalo hat that my mawma puts on and i attack just to celebrate our shared hatred of the rapin' buffalos.

i'm rooting for the philadelphia beagles. remember when rush limbaugh made his jackass comments about how donovan mcnabb was overrated because he was black and woosie liberals (especially in the media, because the sports media is well known for its left wing bias) just want a Black quarterback to succeed? oooh, he's stupider than a cat! half of the qbs remaining in the playoffs are Black. the other teams must have caved for affirmative action purposes. because everyone wants so badly for a Black qb to do well and none have done so on their own! so now that mr. mcnabb has a top quality receiver who remembers to HOLD the ball when it hits his hands suddenly their offense is doing much better--so was HE the weak link in the team? look, i'm a dog and i'm not that stupid. and may i add that mawma mcnabb is lovely in the soup commercials. not as lovely as my mawma in the buffalo hat but not bad.

i'm also a big fan of randy moss's bottom. the rest of him is a bit of an ass as well but i thought the fake mooning was awesome. if you missed the butt cheeks seen round the world, fox sports (who else?) has 'em here. if only his not even bare butt was the most damaging product of football machismo (see, the raping at colorado). hell, if only randy moss was offensive ON the field instead of off. for something really offensive, look here. i repeat, down with buffalos.

e--a--g--l--e--s beagles!

and a small note for my naked ape friend glenn. steelers fans are cat lovers! (that's an insult).

Monday, January 17, 2005

why do we let people vote?

last night animal planet showed the Eukanuba national championship of dogs and they introduced a new element--the "people's choice" in which you could go online and vote for your favorites. now, let's be honest, dog shows are worse than the BCS when it comes to choosing a "national champion"--not only do they exclude mutts (which is like saying we won't ever let Nebraska play for another national championship! though it looks like they're doing a good job of excluding themselves-but that's another blog for another time) but also they use arbitrary stupid human standards against which they measure dogs not on their general awesomeness (like their ability to climb up the pantry shelves and get down snacks) but on some silly standard of what they're supposed to look like. it's not unlike human beauty pageants where they use a standard of beauty that most women have to use questionable practices at best and actual surgical altering at worst to achieve. and now there are rumors that people are getting plastic surgery for their showdogs to improve their looks. or, my personal favorites, neuticles! they're supposed to retain my natural look and self-esteem after neutering! trust me, i am not suffering from a lack of self-esteem. with or without balls, i rule the dogpark. keep the unecessary surgeries to yourselves.

anyway, a bloodhound won in the real show and the viewer's choice which was nice because it wasn't a poodle or a pomeranian. you gotta love a dog that bays and drools and does what real dogs do. i was really disappointed in you naked apes, though, for going for some of the more obvious choices--beagles? golden retrievers? my winner, harry potter the cardigan welsh corgi, got robbed in the herding category. seriously, he's one hot dog. harry, give me a call.

it's clear to me that they give you the same boring choices because if you ever had a charismatic little mutt like me on i'd steal the show. i might be missing some (most) of my teeth and my head is a little too big for my body but i'm one of a kind.

seriously, do i sound like need neuticles?

independent bloggers

just so you know, I'm not on Howard Dean's blogger payroll. which is not to say I wouldn't be, given the appropriate inticements (you may send payments in pig's ears or greenies, whichever is easier.) i have been an independent political mind for quite some time, thank you. in fact, i was one of the first dogs to add my mug to dislike of the current regime, ok? i was a dog for dean and then a canine for kerry. fat lot of good that did. i'm not sure this current "scandal" rises to the level of paying journalists to shill your education policies. or having actors pose as journalists for "informational videos" about your prescription drug plan. remember that? apparently not because you still re-elected 'em. at any rate, the dean story is getting big play in the Wall Street Journal. if journalists did their jobs (watchdogs, remember? you watch worse than i do. i would probably sleep while the house got robbed, you actually write down what the burglars say and publish it as the gospel truth.), maybe bloggers wouldn't be so popular. but, then, anyone who takes a blogger's word as gospel is pretty dodgy, too. for all you know, you could be getting your information from a dog.