WWWWWWWHAT???!!!???

What am I doing?

I am singing the blues.



Why? I am shocked AND appalled. And then just mad. I saw my ma ape with a bag. And I love her bag because I love to sleep in luggage. Especially if it is filled with dirty clothes. But then I found out. She is going here:


Yes, California. She is flying all the way across the country without ME. I promised to pack light, needing only my bikini and my boogie board. But she said. No dogs allowed. She has carefully packed up all of our brekkies and our din dins so the other ape can feed us. She has exercised us and given us attention. But still, why must she abandon us?

So when we went to the field to get some exercise I made sure to wander through all the mud puddles to get good and dirty.


And sissy and I did our best cute faces to keep her here.


Not even an alluring display of my belly, ready for rubbin' could tear her away from her plans.

Will you miss this ma ape?


I am looking westward, pensive. I'd better get some darned good snacks out of this deal. Westward ho.


See you all next week. Unless my ma ape abandons me for sunny So Cal. Sniff. Not that I'm a mama's boy. Sniff.

Area 51: Top Secret

Government Document #28576849. Classified

Spotted: 0640 hours. Strange color in sky noted. Adorable wee dog, Handsome Subject #1, spotted.


Handsome Subject #1 with glowing eyes appears to be attempting alien implantation in Goofy Subject #2 who appears to be half-cocked. Look at that tongue!


As implantation continues, eyes of Handsome Subject #1 change color, Goofy Subject #2 begins Change.


Handsome Subject #1 finishes implantation of alien substance into Goofy Subject #2.


Successful transfer of alien essence.


The Alien Dogs have multiplied.

Look!

Meet Mac! She is at the Columbia Humane Society that adopts out only the finest pooches. Here is Mac's description:

Sweet Sweet Mac! She is so sweet that a generous donor has paid her adoption fee. Mac is loving and you WANT to be able to get the chance to be around her. The spice in Mac is her playful side. At first she is just so excited to get your attention that she is a hyper little thing. Just be patient with her, she calms down after a while and really wants to be a lap dog. However, she isn’t’ really “lap dog” size. But SHHHH… don’t let her know, you might just break her little heart. What Mac could use is a family wanting to give her love and willing to play with her often!

Do you know who that generous donor is? GRAMMIE! She sponsored Mac for my Burpday! Thanks Grammie! I am especially touched because Mac looks an awful lot like my sissy Morgan (RIP Morgan!) who adopted ME! Sniff. I'm touched!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!


Why? THIS:


Yes, Stephen Colbert is coming to Philly and it is already SOLD OUT! And did he save any seats for Wally T. Corgador??? No.



Well, you're just going to have to figure out how to order Philly Cheesesteaks and boo Santa by yourself, buddy. Sniff. And after my ma ape practically sold her kidney to see Jon Stewart. And we love you MORE.

Pawlitical Savvy!

Do you guys know who THIS handsome devil is? It's LENNY, the terrier who is terrin' up Indiana. He's one of my newest buds AND I couldn't EVEN believe it when I got a PACKAGE from Indiana! From Lenny! (If you hadn't figured that out).


Like me, Lenny is barkin' for Barack. And so Lenny sent me a prezzie!
The card said that her ma ape thought my ma ape might like some Barack Buttons.


But I think they look quite lovely on MONKEY STICK (I passed on having them pinned to my chest).


Here we are shouting "YES WE CAN (have more snacks)!!!"


Yup, Obama has captured the vital monkey stick and corgador demographics. Thanks Lenny!

And if you missed Barack's speech today--here he is! If you hear any honking and squeaking in the background, that's just Monkey Stick. He gets excited sometimes.

For Love of St. Gooberstan!

Today is a high holy day, the day of birth of the GOOOOOBERSTAN!


That is for you, my friend, with just a taste of Ireland (a mixture of Jameson's and potato). I can't believe you rescued you ma only a YEAR ago. Frankly, I'm not entirely convinced the apes actually existed before they met us (that may be in a "really living" kind of way, maybe literal--like when kids think that if they can't see you you can't see them!)

So, Stan, I have saved an ENORMOUS smooch just for YOU! (No Stella, you can't get in on the action!)


This is my best sultry smoochy face. My ma ape says it looks a bit like I'm having a stroke but she's jus jelus that this smooch is not for her!


Ah, there you go Stan! A smooch fit for a Gooberstan, the dude who gave me my bull pizzle hunting outfit, the nickname Woober, and many smoocheroonies.


And I know that I said I was going to withhold all smooches from your ma until she was officially Master of the Universe but I am just too excited! So here's one for her, too! I'm so glad she adopted you, got you a blog, and made me your friend.


Look--sissy has a smile for Stella, the StanSis cuz you both know a good big brother is hard to find.