Thursday, August 04, 2005

brave new world

scientists have cloned the first dog! he's an afghan hound named snuppy. this is a very important scientific breakthrough since someone made the unwise decision of robbing me of my reproductive capabilities. now instead of my babies, you can have another me! i should probably start banking and selling my genetic material. prime dna i've got.

and scientists say that dogs have unusual reproductive systems, even more complex than thank the supposedly evolutionarily advanced naked apes, making cloning dogs especially difficult. see, you naked apes are a dime a dozen. dogs are something special.

Monday, August 01, 2005

dogs win again!

congratulations to Jake, a golden retriever, who successfully swam in the "Alcatraz Invitational" in San Francisco, beating most of the naked apes and swimming 1.2 miles in under 42 minutes. like me, he eats scrambled eggs for training purposes.

nuts for mutts

i've really been dying to see wally wonka and the chocolate factory (who knew they made a movie about my digestive system?). or wally wonka and chocolate lab factory (because i do love the labs). i'm even more excited now that i know the squirrels are real rather than digitized so i could run and bark and the screen without looking ridiculous. because it would be silly to chase imaginary squirrels. i probably can't let my little sister ethel watch it because she's quick--she might actually catch one.

sympathy for the devil

i have had a rough weekend. on thursday i had some minor surgery. i had been told i was getting neuticles but it appears i got a minor breast reduction! i should have been suspicious when i heard them saying "benign fatty tumor" but i just thought they were being very rude in how they referred to my privates. so friday i couldn't even go for a walk and saturday they let me go to the park but i couldn't run or swim or boss around other dogs. and sunday ethel got to go to the park without me! how is that fair?

so, as you can see, i have most certainly earned some get well gifts, sympathy cards with money enclosed, and other well wishes (with presents--it's really not the thought that counts).