Saturday, August 16, 2008

You could put a man on the moon...

I saw this in Newsweek--a hotdoll. It is, um, for your frisky pooch. It made it onto Gizmodo.

I feel like I should say something about this. But I've been rendered speechless.

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Friday, August 15, 2008

London Calling!

I have been wanting to talk to my GranNE but my ma ape says she is in faraway lands. This is an artistic rendering of my GranNE:

I believe she may have gone in search of one of my ma ape's favorite book characters, marmalade connesieur, Paddington Bear (Pssst--I would start at Paddington Station):

I hope my GranNE does not forget me. Here I am looking forlorn, GranNE. Have you forsaken me?

I have made a list of things I would like her to bring me back from Londontown:

1. Marmalade
2. Scones
3. Wellies
4. Corgis
5. The queen's jewels
6. Blood pudding
7. Marvin the Scotsman Poet
8. Fish AND Chips
9. Amy Winehouse's beehive
10. A pint

Come back to me soon, GranNE!

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Happy Burpday TO ME!

Today is my burpday! You may remember me celebrating my burpday (really my gotcha day) back in February. And I'm celebrating today! That's because it is my ma ape's burpday (her age in dog years-2,783. If I've done the math right). My granNE says we are CODEPENDENT and I think that means that we share everything. Especially burpdays!

So I suggested that my ma ape do a little shopping for her burpday. And so, she did! She went to her favorite boutique and got....

Dog things! Aaaaand....

Ice cream! She wanted to get me Wallymelon Sure-butt like Maggie n' Mitch but she couldn't find it. But she did get one for me (on the left), one for the ma ape (dairy free) and the other for the other ape (Willie Nelson Peach Cobbler). I don't know what the other guys are going to have.

So--we got WIZZLERS!

Because I know that nothing gives my ma ape greater joy than giving ME joy. Nom nom.

And then we had ice cream din dins!

We even got to eat from people bowls.

Even though some of us don't even have enough table manners to keep our tongues in our mouths. Ahem.

And some of us bite off more than we can chew.

This, kiddies, is an illustration of the horror of BRAIN FREEZE. If only he had a brain to freeze.

Um, I got something stuck in mine. I needed some help from the burpday girl.

Ah! Mission accomplished.

What a great burpday. Surely you deserve to watch me eat another bowl, eh ma ape?

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sponsor a starving dog

I would like to alert you to a dire situation. As many of you may know, I have been on a diet for about a million years. My ma ape says I need to keep my weight down for the good of my ticker and my spondy-losis of the spiney-losis.

But I am slowly going mad with the hunger.

I have been reduced to foraging for my own food.

Eating salads. And not even with arugula!

The problem has spread to my sissy who is hallucinating that my ma ape's foot is a chicken back.

And my baby brudder has been reduced to eating tennis balls as if they were ice cream cones.

Nom nom.

For only four pounds of meat per day you could sponsor one of these dogs (me first!) and ensure that they do not go to bed hungry. Look at these sad faces, how can you sleep at night knowing it has been three days since they have had ice cream?

Brother, can you spare a Wallymelon?

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Sunday, August 10, 2008

Shocking Revelations

As you may have read below, we are in the midst of the Chillaxympics, two weeks of chilling and relaxing with the best. But as the head of the IOC (international order of corgador) I have some shocking revelations about my team.

The first are charges related to CONDUCT UNBECOMING a chillaxer.

And embarrassing the corgador by getting whooped by a border collie.

The second set of charges are related to failure to max and relax!

Two team members have been caught in the sting.

One is being investigated for possible alien possession.

As a consequence I am having to call up new team members including RUBY BLEU, representing San Fran, who dedicates Sleepy Sunday every week to photos of her NAPPING! So I have no doubt she will be able to chillax with the best of 'em. Welcome to the team, Ruby!

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