terrorist cell discovered in doggy door
dear homeland security,
i would like to alert you to the formation of a new terrorist organization, though i doubt it is really organized since it would be like herding cats. pun intended. there appears to be an epidemic of fat cats raiding the food bowls of unsuspecting dogs. hercules has been all the rage in the news lately after getting stuck in a doggy door in oregon because he was so damned fat. we dogs require greater food security. we feel constantly terrorized by the goddamn cats and, frankly, i have been losing valuable beauty rest vigilantly guarding my food dish.
so, since you are not so good at the planning, especially exit strategies, i would like to suggest the following. kindly employ my sister ethel who is a mindless chasing machine (this morning she tried to chase her shadow for two whole blocks on our walk before realizing she would never catch up with it). tell everyone to put their goddamn cats out and my sister ethel will chase to them to a location like, say, the president's ranch in crawford so that when he retires he can stay busy clearing brush and cleaning litter boxes. in my sister's absence i promise to do my part for homeland security by diligently eating HER dinner as well as my own so as not to attract any undiscovered cells of goddamn fatcats.
a k-9 good citizen (certificate available on request)
Labels: goddamn cats