Friday, January 19, 2007

terrorist cell discovered in doggy door

dear homeland security,

i would like to alert you to the formation of a new terrorist organization, though i doubt it is really organized since it would be like herding cats. pun intended. there appears to be an epidemic of fat cats raiding the food bowls of unsuspecting dogs. hercules has been all the rage in the news lately after getting stuck in a doggy door in oregon because he was so damned fat. we dogs require greater food security. we feel constantly terrorized by the goddamn cats and, frankly, i have been losing valuable beauty rest vigilantly guarding my food dish.

so, since you are not so good at the planning, especially exit strategies, i would like to suggest the following. kindly employ my sister ethel who is a mindless chasing machine (this morning she tried to chase her shadow for two whole blocks on our walk before realizing she would never catch up with it). tell everyone to put their goddamn cats out and my sister ethel will chase to them to a location like, say, the president's ranch in crawford so that when he retires he can stay busy clearing brush and cleaning litter boxes. in my sister's absence i promise to do my part for homeland security by diligently eating HER dinner as well as my own so as not to attract any undiscovered cells of goddamn fatcats.


a k-9 good citizen (certificate available on request)


immaculate chimpception

talk about baby mama drama!

SHREVEPORT, La. (AP) — In a mysterious bit of monkey business, a female at a chimpanzee sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male chimp population has had vasectomies.

Now managers at Chimp Haven are planning a paternity test for the seven males who lived in a group with Teresa, a wild-born chimpanzee in her late 40s who had the baby girl last week.

i hope they test the naked apes, too....HUMANZEE???

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maybe canada should build a wall...

reuters reports that a stowaway skunk snuck across the u.s./canadian border and into toronto by hiding in the back of a truck. a talk show host (?) from california has agreed to come bring the illegal immigrant back to his home country.

canada may have to consider tougher border security in order to keep these kinds of miscreants out. but it will perpetually be a problem so long as american skunks will spray smells that canadian skunks don't want to spray.


Thursday, January 18, 2007

chubby chasers!

the bbc reports that the rspca (the british animal po-lice) arrested and got a neglect conviction for two guys with a fat dog! their chocolate lab rusty (see above) is a bit of a chunkster. he was put on a diet at the rspca but is being returned to his owners with a requirement that he remain on weight watchers. i did NOT appreciate their description of the chubby canine:

During the trial, the court was told Rusty was so fat, vets described him as looking like a "walrus".

just to clarify--my walrus-like appearance that gave rise to my name has nothing to do with my weight. in fact, i'm quite the opposite of rusty and the rspca will probably be kidnapping ME to feed me lots of tasty bangers and mash. i'm so hungry yesterday i had to get a bag of cheese out of the fridge! tasty.

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

popular dogs

the akc has released its list of popularity by registration. now, this is of course only a rough approximation of the actual popularity of dogs since the akc is snooty and has very specific rules for who gets to register, etc. and MUTTS are not dogs according to the akc but here's their list of the most popular breeds:

1. labrador retrievers
2. yorkshire terriers
3. german shepherd dogs
4. golden retrievers
5. beagles
6. dachshunds
7. boxers
8. poodles
9. shih tzu
10. miniature schnauzers
11. chihuahuas
12. boo-dogs
13. pugs
14. pomeranians
15. boston terrorists

i'm a big fan of labs (the chocolate ones are the tastiest) so i can see the appeal. i'm also glad to see the corgador remains a well-kept secret. not everyone is up to the task of being owned by one of us.

ps. i was a little surprised to see how low on the list wtfs and airedales are since i feel like i know SO MANY of you terrierists on the internets. i guess what you lack in numbers you make up for in personality, eh?


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

corgadors in need!

here's some more lovely corgadors from petfinder, available for adoption!

this lovely lady is daisy. she's just a baby corgador in western pa.

mr. ernie rocks the house in rockville, md. i can't believe he doesn't have a home yet! this description could be me!

Ernie is an endearing fellow with an improbable, one of a kind, delightful appearance. He is long backed and big-headed, and he trots about on sturdy and stocky legs. His eye contact is open, soft and honest; he is a nuzzler and a snuggler.

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humans guarding the henhouse

a wildlife blogger posted about a plan by idaho's new governor to engage in a large-scale wolf hunt. now that wolves have benefitted from one of the largest endangered species protection policies, time to get out them shotguns and let 'er rip!

Gov. C.L. "Butch" Otter told The Associated Press that he wants hunters to kill about 550 gray wolves. That would leave about 100 wolves, or 10 packs, according to a population estimate by state wildlife officials.

The 100 surviving wolves would be the minimum before the animals could again be considered endangered.

now, you might say, perhaps there is something reasonable to these claims. in some places in, say, wyoming the wolf population has caused problems for ranchers (for whom i feel only minor sympathy) and, even worse, has had some issues with overpopulation (which has to do in part with human encroachment on their territory). but, no, the idaho situation is not about overpopulation of wolves. it has to do with commercial hunting. wolves, being natural predators, have been killing some of the same things that hunters with their high-powered rifles like to hunt make trophies out of.

Otter complained that wolves are rapidly killing elk and other animals essential to Idaho's multimillion-dollar hunting industry. The hunters, many wearing camouflage clothing and blaze-orange caps, applauded wildly during his comments.

so, this is the genius of the human brain. you screwed up and reduced the wolf population to the point of near extinction. now you find them to be an inconvenience so you wish to reduce their population to a more convenient size (arbitrarily chosen to be right above the limit for qualification for endangered status) that fits better into your commercial schemes. you better hope that we animals never decide to reduce your population down to a more convenient size.

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where's the corgwin's golden globe?

i was really excited that helen mirren won the golden globe for playing queen elizabeth in the queen. but i was pretty apoplectic that the CORGIS in the film did not win ANYTHING. not best supporting actors or nothin'.

i've been reading some reviews of the movie and i'm a little surprised at the evaluation of tony blair's role in the film that imply that he comes off well since he selflessly saves the royals. frankly, i thought he came off as a bit of a wanker. and the end of the film, where the queen reminds him the brits will eventually turn on HIM, seems to be a big sign of this. he comes across as a pretty malleable character, swayed by the queen for no particular reason, and then gets moralistic about it, refusing to listen to the input of those around him. but i'd like to think it's the corgis at the end who swarm around blair and the queen are the ones who give the real message. the final shot shows the corgis milling around in the garden and one of the corgis gives a wise bit of political advice--he stops to pee on a bush. yes, tony, you should have heeded his advice. smart dogs pee on bushes, they don't invade countries with them (especially against the express wishes of their constituency). wanker.

but i did notice something troubling in the movie. the queen is shown with her pack of corgis and with a set of black labs. for those of you familiar with the corgador, i appear to be a perfect combination of a corgi and a lab in one convenient package. what if i am the offspring of ROYALTY and possible heir to the british throne? has all my complaining about the goddamn british really been self-loathing? god save the corgador!

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the weather here has been unusually warm (unlike poor joey who has been freezin' in arizona!) so my sister and i have been unusually playful. we like to play chase. here is a brief moment of calm while ethel tries to get my attention.

and she's off!

this is my sister running. and this photo hasn't even been doctored. my sister is just THAT fast. i need new sneakers so i can run faster and keep up. do you think if you buy expensive enough sneakers they make your legs longer?

caught her! look, we're eskimo kissin'.

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is this news?

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football hangover

i'm sleeping off another football hangover. both my teams--seahawks AND beagles lost. what a rough weekend for a little wally.

someone better get me a bone to make me feel better!

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