I Scream!

Ok, so there are some totally great entries into the Ice Cream Eating Competition by the North Texas Airedale Rescue but my ma ape wanted to enter us and I had no objections! But I did say--real ice cream! None of that Soy Delicious stuff that you eat! So my ma ape went out and got us some SCREAM! She got some "low-fat frozen yogurt" for me. That must be for dogs who have LOW FAT. Like me! So we got dessert for dinner!


Here I am telling the soda jerk to HURRY UP with my cone!


My sissy and I wait (not so) patiently. She looks HUGE, I look TINY!

Aaaand...we're off! (Sorry about the picture quality. Photos at dusk are not such a great idea).


Ooooh--I figured out RIGHT AWAY that I wanted the WHOLE THING in my mouth and I tried to get it there.


Mmmmrrrrph.


Gimme that cone!


Slurp! All gone. What? This is a photo contest and not a speed contest? Ooops.

My sissy took her time licking delicately.


Slurp. She didn't figure out that she could EAT the cone so she was licking all delicately.


I generously offered to help.


Now she's got it.


Mmmm. There should be more ice cream eating competitions, I think! Don't forget to go check out the GREAT entries! So much fun...but don't lick the screen. You can't actually taste the ice cream that way. I learned that the hard way.

Too Hot To Handle

The title of the post sounds like it is about me but I am actually talking about the weather. It is hot, humid, and awful. Look, even my sissy who NEVER stops moving, takes it easy in the outside. Obviously so does my ma ape since the lawn needs to be mowed! She's so embarrassing.



And I have to DIG to find a comfy spot to rest. (Note: we don't actually spend all day in the outside. Far from it. We try to find respite from the heat after being out there for 2-3 minutes! Then we run inside as fast as we can and go sit in front of the fan. Ahhhhh.)


Here is something that likes the heat--our Oprah plants! (Someone asked if okras are the same as ladyfingers--yup! They are not actually the fingers of ladies, though.) And the beeables like the oprah flowers.


Oooooh. Pretty. The Oprah plants are taller than my ma ape now (which is not saying much, let me tell you).


And our maters are running wild! The mater plants have outgrown their crates and are spilling out all over. Like me, they don't like being in cratables and want to run free.


Soooo...what is the best thing for this heat? ICE CREAM, of course! And the Airedale Rescue of North Texas is having a competition that my lazy ma ape keeps forgetting about! You can read about it and enter your own picture here. I scream, you scream, get off your bum and get me ice cream, ma ape!

Ichiro is all right

I know my pal Peanut, a fellow Moaner fan, will agree with me when I say Ichiro RULES. He plays for the Seattle Moaners and recently signed a 5-year deal to stay in Seattle. His primary advisor? His dog Ikky, of course. Quoth the Ichiro:

"He said, 'Woof, woof, woof,' which meant, 'Stay, stay, stay,' " Suzuki told reporters in Japanese. "Of course, I listened."

Eating the Fruitables

I got some SHOCKING news from my BFF the Shermanator. He told me he thinks fruitables are STUPID. I figure--if he doesn't like fruitables he must not be doing it right. So here is my tutorial on enjoying the fruitables.

here I am with a chunk of Wallymelon. I take it gently from the hand of the ape:


Munch enthusiastically.


Ahhhh. The face of a satisfied customer.


Here I am with appleables.


And this is my best apple chewing face.

Do you think you can do it now, Sherman?

Musings.

My granny sent me this story to point out that I don't need a job--I already have one! I am a muse to a great female artist! Or, at least, to my ma ape who is, ahem, um, a female. The story reviews a new book:

"Shaggy Muses: The Dogs Who Inspired Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Edith Wharton and Emily Bronte" (Ballantine Books, 281 pages $24.95), by Maureen Adams: Countless lovers who, lacking their own voice, relied on Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous "Sonnets From the Portuguese" to woo their beloved should mutter silent thanks to a cocker spaniel named Flush.

Without the plucky pup's timely intervention, one of England's greatest poets might have succumbed to depression and never penned the immortal line, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

Flush's contribution to Victorian literature is one of five short biographies in "Shaggy Muses," which details the profound and often unexplored influence a handful of canine companions had on five of the greatest voices in women's literature.

Here I am hard at work, being inspiring:

Newfs Falling from the Sky!

My granny sent me this story about Newfs (and Labbies) working the beaches of Italy! No, not in bikinis (darn it!) but as rescue dogs, sometimes being dropped by helicopters to save those helpless humans.

Scores of specially trained dogs have been deployed as lifeguards on Italy's busiest beaches this summer.

The dogs, mostly of the Newfoundland or Labrador breeds, are trained to jump out of helicopters and boats and swim to the rescue of struggling swimmers.

They are credited with having saved several lives by taking lifebuoys to swimmers and towing them to safety.

Hmmm...I think we'd better go check this out! Nanook & Pooka, the Newfs of Hazard, Dory & Mac, and Bear--let's go to Italy and find out what's going on on these beaches. Road trip! Bring your bikinis!

Rent-a-Dog

Several of my friends including Tad and Lola have been looking for fundraising possibilities. Well, CNN has reported on one! In size-cramped San Francisco, you can RENT a dog for a day and for a hefty price:

For an annual fee of $99.95, a monthly payment of $49.95 and a per-visit charge of $39.95 a day, (discounted to $24.95 Sunday through Thursday), animal lovers who enroll in FlexPetz get to spend time with a four-legged companion from Cervantes' 10-dog crew of Afghan hounds, Labrador retrievers and Boston terriers.

That's a lot of dough to be made! However, as corgadors are priceless (and I am busy dining with my new buddy Barack) I hope the ma ape does not get any ideas about making us WORK for a living. Though I'm pretty sure I could rent out my sissy to anyone who needs a tennis ball retrieval system (she could be the ball boy at a tennis match, except she would beat even the fastest player to the ball).

Here's an ad for my sissy from me. (Isn't there a word for dudes who rent out ladies? Let me think of it...oh yes, entrepreneurs!)


For rent: One totally annoying sissy who wants to play with tennis balls ALL DAY and is too skinny because she's totally picky and only wants to eat meatables. She runs really fast and wants to hunt anything and she can't control her stupid tongue. She likes to sit on laps. For $.99 a day you can take her off my paws! I accept Visa, Mastercard, Cash, and Wallymelons.

Hat tip to granny for seeing this story. I hope she wasn't trying to help my ma ape find a way to pay for my butcher bills.

Dinner Date?

So today I got an e-mail from Barack Obama, addressed to Wally T. Corgador. Apparently Senator Obama wants wants to have dinner with me.

I'm giving myself a bath so I'll be ready to go when he drops by to pick me up. Do you think he likes meaty bones? Will he bring me a corsage? What should I wear? My jersey? My cow outfit? Is he taking auditions for the presidential pet? I think a corgador could push Sen. Obama over the top in polls. Who wouldn't want me in the Oval Office? Oh I'm so nervous about our date.

Thanks, Gramps!

My gramps must have KNOWN I needed a pick-me-up and so he sent me one! Oh my gramps is great. And he loves the things that I love--havarti cheese, leberwurst, and CORNHUSKER FOOTBALL. So my ma ape said that since the Tour is over we can get fired up for football season. And boy did we! As soon as I put on my PERSONALIZED jersey my sissy and I went NUTS


That's ME! Number 1. And here I am killin' the seal like a Husker kills the Buffaloes!


Look how excited I am--can you see my inner light shining through?!


I'm ready to rumble (and look at my impressive pile of toys in the corner!)


And here is what my gramps sent me. It's the piece of red paper that, in this picture, I have decided to plop down on top of to protect from prying eyes. I can't eat it, or shake it, or make it squeak but my ma ape says it will turn into MONEY! See, depending on how much the Hooskers beat their opponents by, I can win money. I don't understand it at all but I do understand money.


Money magically turns into FOOD.


So I read the note from my gramps which was written out to me. He picked out #72 for my sheet because that is the number of famous Husker Johnny Rodgers who could run fast and sneaky like me. I looked carefully at the magnet with the Hoosker schedule on it and dedicated it to memory. And then I started thinking of all the things I could buy with my Hoosker winnings.

1. A dog chariot for a dog to pull Cesar Wally around.
2. A BIG dog to pull my chariot, the mastiff to Newf range.
3. Raw meaty bones.
4. Pineapples.
5. More football jerseys.
6. Some havarti cheese for me and my gramps.

I Will Bring ABBA to the World

I found this on the internets. You can strap on an iPod with speakers and go for a stroll. I could bop down the street on my morning walk (circa 5 a.m.) blasting "Dancing Queen." Awesome!

Scaring Wally

This is the face of a frightened dog. What has got him so scared?


This?



No. What about this?

This. Or, more accurately, the sound that accompanies it. Makes me cry like a baby.



So I am seeking comfort in my Big Ass. We are also trying to cheer up my ma ape.


Look! Full Moon!