A Learn-ed Fellow

You might not realize that I, Otis T. Potus, am in fact quite a brainiac. I have decided to put together a series of videos about my extensive literary criticism. My first attempt:



Tuition for my course will be $5,239 per credit hour (or just send me some moo tubes.) Don't let your head explode from all the smartiness.

Pawlitics!

My ma ape teaches paw-li-tics. Ordinarily it's pretty boring stuff but I was going through her bag and she was obviously hiding a VERY IMPORTANT BOOK from me. Here it is:



It is about this fellow, Napolean, who teaches the farm animals about ANIMALISM which is about the BEST pawlitical slogan ever.

FOUR LEGS GOOD. TWO LEGS BAD!


I think I could be a good leader just like this Napolean fellow.

I think I could be a great pawlitical leader! I watched the documentary about this book. Here is part of it:



But then I saw that Napolean needed BODYGUARDS! And look at the dogs he had! Two of these!!!!


And look what I have!!!!
Here you can see they are AWESOME bodyguards!


And here are my bodyguards. You will not get to NapoleWally!

My ma ape does not need to teach pawlitics anymore. This Or Well fellow has prophesied the coming of the NapoleWally.

FOUR LEGS GOOD TWO LEGS BAD!!!

A Burpday of National Importance

February is a month with many important burpdays. My Onkel Eric, my Lady Sam, my bud GooberStan's ape and, of course, one of our most important statesmen, known for his leadership through troubled times and his soaring oratory. You know who I'm talking about.


GUS, of course!

Here he is contemplating matters of great pith and importance. Happy Burpday, big guy! For you? My finest roaching:

And a pome:

For Gus the Dagger
A haiku and a wish too
Teka Toy No More

Corgadors at Dawn

My ma ape is back to teaching which means no more sleeping in or lazy mornings. No, I have to get up BEFORE the dawn cracks which means I have to catch my Zs where I can get them. I sometimes even have to make my own bed. With the clean laundry and the tipped over laundry basket. Sweet.

And we have to go for walkies and playtime EARLY. Walkies are for weekdays in the dark. On the weekend is playtime at dawn!

In the morning sun the peppy sheppys look almost dignified.

It does not last long.

I keep my dignity.


At ALL times. Dignified.


See the sun rise!


I wrote a haiku

Sun rises slowly
Corgador slouches toward dawn
Big head for big dreams

Happy BUUUUUUUURPDAY Marvin!

One of the very first friends I met on DWB was a handsome, dashing and enormously talented poet named MARVIN. Alas, Marvin is a busy guy and is no longer blogging but today is his burpday and he deserves a heaping helping of HAPPY BURPDAY! His DWB number has been put into a Hall of Fame by our wonderful moderators. I hope Marvin has the greaterest burpday ever.

My own talent is not quite that of Marvin's but I wrote him a limerick:

There once was a dog of the Scots
Beloved of his friend a lots
His burpday's today
And we all gotta say
We'll eat all the cake and ice cream you gots!

Musings.

My granny sent me this story to point out that I don't need a job--I already have one! I am a muse to a great female artist! Or, at least, to my ma ape who is, ahem, um, a female. The story reviews a new book:

"Shaggy Muses: The Dogs Who Inspired Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Edith Wharton and Emily Bronte" (Ballantine Books, 281 pages $24.95), by Maureen Adams: Countless lovers who, lacking their own voice, relied on Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous "Sonnets From the Portuguese" to woo their beloved should mutter silent thanks to a cocker spaniel named Flush.

Without the plucky pup's timely intervention, one of England's greatest poets might have succumbed to depression and never penned the immortal line, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

Flush's contribution to Victorian literature is one of five short biographies in "Shaggy Muses," which details the profound and often unexplored influence a handful of canine companions had on five of the greatest voices in women's literature.

Here I am hard at work, being inspiring:

Boooooks!

Maggie tagged me like a MILLION years ago to tell you about my five favorite books. I've been so slow because I am a bookish lad and I needed to think long and hard about what bookables I love to read. So I've made a list and to show my commitment to language I've decided to throw aside mathematical conventions of counting and will list some of my favoritest books. Not five. SOME. And if it bores you just scroll down 'til you get to the pictures of me as cow.

Here are some of my favorites:




This book is what it says it is! It is a HISTORY of PETS in AMERICA. It is awesome and talks about things like the evolution of dog food and our changing relationship with the naked apes and how that relates to historical trends. A little too focused on naked apes and talks about pets other than dogs (ewwww-goddamn cats!)



This book is by a feminist theorist and biologist named Donna Haraway who is so famous she gets to write books about hanging out with her dogs and reading listservs about dogs. That's what my ma ape does all day (or wants to) and she doesn't even get paid for it! She wants to get in on this gig. And also I like how it talks how apes form their selves through their relationships with US, the dogables. She has also written a book called Primate Visions that my ma ape is fond of. Because she's narcissistic and likes books about apes because she is one. Yeesh. Now back to dogs.



Ok, I'll admit I was a bit disappointed in this. I AM a philosopher's dog and so I thought this book was about me or, failing that, that looks like my pal BUSTER on the cover and that's got to be an awesome book, right? It's ok as light reading.



I admit I haven't read this book but I found it when I was looking for Donna Haraway on Amazon.com. I was curious because I thought philosophers WERE the dumb beasts (haha ma ape!).



This is Human, All too Human. by Friedrich Nietzsche. I like him because I am the ueberhund! And the title suggests being human stinks. Which it does!



This is a book called Zoontologies. That's a made up wordable! Awesome! I like the cover. And the editor's name is Cary Wolfe. Wolves are relatives of us.

Now, lest you think I am a non-fiction nerd I thought I'd share some of the fictionables that I like to read.



Ooooh. This novel has DOGS in it. Um, they don't always have a happy ending but it's still pretty awesome. It won the Booker Prize which is not nearly as prestigious as being a Wally Winner which this really is. It has some great things about ethics and animalables.

And now some less deep choices for light reading.



This book is about the Queen's corgis and how they are so awesome and the royal family (especially Charles) is kind of lame.



Paddington is a very smart little bear (from Darkest Peru) who is chub, loveable, and an eater of marmalade. He's a bit of a role model for me. My ma ape was a big Paddington Bear fan as a wee lass. She even had a Paddington costume that my granny made for her. Whoa. Sadly, she does not wear it anymore.



And Curious George! I picked this one because it's the one where he eats the puzzle piece and sometimes I have to see the doctor when I eat things I'm not supposed to (like bottles of Rimadyl). And then George huffs a bunch of ether--awesome! All I got was charcoal. And sometimes my ma ape says when I get into stuff around the house: "Wally was a good little dog. There was only one problem. He was tooooooooooooo curious."

Those are my bookables! I need to find some dogs to tag now!

Oh no! Gonzo Cats!

My onkel Eric sent me this LOLCat. Oh my dog. They're reading Hunter Thompson. Dog help us all of they ever get guns. And acid.

The Author Speaks

My last lyrical work inspired some questions, real and imagined, that I will answer now:

Q: Doesn't your sissy get Frosty Paws?
A: Yes. But she eats them slowly and methodically and is not nearly as photogenic when she eats.

Q: Do your sissy's feet really stink?
A: Only if she steps in, erm, recycled Frosty Paw in the yard.

Q: Are those homemade Frosty Paws?
A: Sadly no. These were the last of the commercial Paws in the freezer. From here on out it's homecookin'!

Q: Why are you so devastatingly handsome?
A: Born this way.

Q: Will you celebrate Victoria Day even though you are not Canadian?
A: If the celebration involves food then hell yes, eh!

Q: Where can I get a big ass?
A: Dunno--mine adopted me! HAHA!

Q: Aren't artists supposed to be starving?
A: Suffering for your art is so mid-20th century.

Frosty Paw in Verse

I wrote a poem for one of my greatest loves. The frosty paw.

With summertime comes the hunger
Pink tongue awakes from its slumber


Mouth unhinges ready to bite
Sweet treat colored white


Single-minded dog wants only to eat
Not even distracted by smelly sissy feet


The chill of the paw
The thrill of the jaw
The drool flows in streams
The dog's eye gleams



Then gulp the paw disappears
Leaving nothing but brain freeze it appears