Saturday, August 13, 2005

killer cats.

today i was watching animal planet, as i do, and they were showing the "Most Extreme Killers." number one? the housecat. who kills a greater variety of creatures than any other animal. just saying. when they come for you, don't say i didn't warn you.

dogs in clothes

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
here i am, in a picture, wearing a wife beater. had you read this week's new york times magazine and the story "dog chic," you might think my mawma was branding me as an extension of herself. she is not, however, a jersey guy. therefore, i am not topping off my outfit with gold chains or a kangol hat. the shirt is actually for a good reason--to keep my new stitches clean and dry. that doesn't explain, though, why she got me another shirt that says "sassy" on it. that's just embarassing.

the nyt article is pretty interesting, though. it discusses the large market in selling stuff to dog owners, especially stuff that makes it seem like your dog likes the stuff you like. people who project messages onto their dogs are weird, eh? fortunately, my mawma doesn't foist all of her personality on me. she did buy me an "i pee on bushes" button (hee!) but does not make me be a vegan (like her), dress me in clothes, or buy me designer collars. it's a good thing because i like my eggs. and salmon. and raw turkey.

i found this part of the article especially interesting:

Perhaps pet lovers can be accused of treating their animals as mere props to be decorated as brand extensions of their owners. (Paris Hilton's outfitting of her Chihuahua is ''an expression of herself,'' an expert on these matters told Brandweek.) Then again, the same accusation can be leveled at many parents -- otherwise Ramones T-shirts and hiking boots for toddlers would not exist -- so maybe this treatment signals a kind of step up for our household beasts.

i don't find the comparison with little naked apes all that flattering. we're dogs, not naked apes, and while it would be nice to be thought of as more than "just" animals, we'd rather not be caught up in your yuppie parental guilt that leads you to lavish us with expensive gifts and overschedule us to compensate for your lack of "quality time" with us. and, quite frankly, there is some evidence that YOU become extensions of US--adapting much of your personality and behavior to us. evolution at its finest.

i suppose animals have long been commodified and i am certain we're much better off than some of our commodified cousins (including many naked apes.) so, in capitalism, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. but don't buy me spongebob t-shirts, go get me some frosty paws and a new squeaky.

park party

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
another successful weekend at the dog park. i don't know why you naked apes go along with the "work week." seems like a waste of time to me. anyway,it was HOT today so we didn't get to stay as long. i kept myself cool with a nice round of wading followed by rolling in the dirt followed by another round of wading. rinse and repeat. i was only occasionally interrupted by 1) a dog that had not been tutored so i tried to do it for him 2) a little bulldog puppy named oscar who was pestering my sister and 3) a yellow lab who really appreciated my safety lesson in staying out of the water. dogs always love it when i grab their tails. also, frodo--my guest--embarassed me by trying to catch and hump a great dane. he's such a size queen.

we'll get a picture of me swimming tomorrow, i swear.

Congratulations Dr. Mackin!

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
I offer you a celebratory belly rub (you rub my belly, not vice versa.) Watch the stitches.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Pet Owning Oddities

according to the new york times, chickens are growing in popularity as pets. that's almost as weird as owning a cat, though at least a chicken will make you eggs and, later, fried chicken. perhaps i will start lobbying for a pet chicken. i will name her "dinner."

holy pierogi!

i'm a big fan of food that looks like other things, especially religious iconography, and once again eBay has come through for me. this time, someone from ohio is auctioning off a pierogi on which jesus' face appears! i'd bid on it but $500 could buy an awful lot of heavenly things like smoked salmon (my favorite) or greenies.


Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
As I posted last week, I visited the vet two weeks ago under false pretenses. I thought I was getting neuticles. Instead, I wind up with big ugly stiches on my chest! I am doing fine but I wanted to post this picture for those of you who are waffling on the amount of money to spend on my get well presents. Err on the side of generosity. You don't want to see me pout.

Party Time!

Originally uploaded by cerasmus.
My friend Frodo came to visit last weekend and had such a good time he came to visit again! Frodo's a big guy (110+ pounds!) but I still try to boss him around. He is trying to teach Ethel his zen magic because she is a little high strung at times. Frodo's favorite things are eating, sleeping in dog beds, resting, snacking, and napping. He also goes to the dog park and watches us play. Mostly, he relaxes.

Monday, August 08, 2005

another happy ending

and i must point out this happy story about my good friend gert, whom i've never met but she looks like great fun. good job finding some naked apes to call your own, gertie! chase that goddamn cat for me once!

dr. mackin

my good friend glenn, who regularly reads my blog in spite of owning two goddamn cats, is defending his dissertation today after much delay (not his fault). even though he writes about naked apes, including an especially boring one named habermas, i wish him the best of luck. like my onkle eric, glenn spends too much time reading dead (or so boring they might as well be dead) europeans, and not enough time rubbing bellies. i offer mine for rubbing as a reward when dr. mackin is done.

also glenn is skeptical of my mad swimming skills. i will be posting photographic evidence soon, you'll see.

the wurst

congrats to sonia "the black widow" thomas for chowing down 35 bratwurst in 10 minutes, shattering the previous record of 19 and a half. and the day before she won a grilled cheese eating contest. not bad for a naked ape. i'm not saying i could do better but i do eat my breakfast in under 15 seconds. i've been trying to convince my naked apes that i could dominate the competitive eating circuit but they tell me the IFOCE discriminates against dogs.