Saturday, June 09, 2007

That's Disgusting! Look!

As I mentioned before, in order to celebrate what would be my sissy Morgan's 14th birthday we got some CORNISH HENS. I will give you a review of these hens below. I must warn you, however, these pictures are not for the faint of heart! They're not as disgusting as, say, my sissy's sappy pomes for MaxyV or an evening watching E! but it's pretty gross. So venture on only if you're not disgusted by dogs eating tasty tasty birdies!

Gross photos below!

Mmmm. These hens are good. That's pretty much all you need to know about my review. They are so tasty I can't grmphphrhbphrhprhr.

Can't type while I phgrprhrprgrgrgphrpghrprhg.


Gulp! All done! My sissy is still chewing because she got 2/3 of the bird which I think is SO UNFAIR. She's younger than me and skinnier. That means I get more, right?

She can't talk now, either, but I'm sure she'd tell you it's so delicious she wishes I could have more.

Aaaaand...done! Look how helpful I am, offering to help her finish.

WARNING! More disgusting pictures below. Not for the vegetable-averse among you.

Look! These tomatoes must have been naughty. They had to be crated.

Look! Cluster of teeny tiny tomatoes. Oh those will make a wonderful side for my poultry dinner, eh?

This is my lemon basil. I'm a sophisticate and a big fan of Herbs.

One of my pals suggested that we should probably get TWO hens for sissy Morgan's burpday. I agree! And I saw another one in the will I have tomorrow's? In my belly, please.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

On My Way to China!

I recently learned that my ma ape's friend Alice, who is in Beijing doing research, cannot read my blog! Now this is probably just because blogger is blocked by censors but I'd prefer that while the U.S. Government is blissfully ignorant of my plans for world domination (and if you're reading this Alberto, don't you have firing to do? memos subverting the constitution to write?) the Chinese government is on to my plan and hopes to cease any covert communication between me and the pandas (who will surely be an indispensible element in my anti-naked ape arsenal as their cuteness disarms the naked apes!).

Anyway, I miss Alice and I hate to think of how hard it must be for her to not be able to see me on a regular basis. When I first moved to the east coast I used to visit her and amuse her by napping in her yard. She also cooks ginormous and delicious meals loaded with meaty goodness. So I decided to try to dig my way to China!

My NORMAL legs and low undercarriage do prove an obstacle as the dirt piles up under my belly which is solely due to my legs and not at all due to the robustness of my belly. As you can see here I try a sneaky side arm technique.

It's also hard work in the heat.

I'll just take a short rest here in the hole that I've dug.

Can't you just fly back, Alice?

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Happy Burpday Morgan!

Before I had little sissy Ethel I had big sissy Morgan. She was a lab/shepherd mix who lived with Mr. Jay. She came to rescue me from my foster home in Washington. She tolerated me when I came into HER house and even let me pull her tail while she fetched. And when I pulled other dogs' tails, Morgan never let them get too mad at me. She was the best sissy a rescued boy could have. This would be her 14th burpday. In her honor we get CORNISH HENS this weekend. And we will pour out some of our 40s for you, homie!

Here I am with Morgan celebrating her 10th birthday.

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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

If you ebay it, they will buy

Someone sent me a link to this auction on E-Bay for stickers:

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Look at how amused I am.

While ordinarily I am a fan of stinky things I am afraid of my own gaseous emissions (from that end at least). True story. I try to run from them. But I can run but I cannot hide.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Update on the search for Polar Bears

After thoroughly searching our backyard and neighborhood for polar bear poops, I have decided my sister is a complete failure in the polar bear location business. I, however, have been successful after making the determination that it is easier to find polar bears on the Internets where the Googles come in handy.

Look! Eisbar Knut! Knut ist gut!

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This morning I was reading the New York Times Online, as I do every morning, scanning for news about dogs, apes, and non-naked ape animals. And I came across this story about a dog who is a polar bear poop locator. Now, I was reading along curious about the poop. Is polar bear poop as fun to roll in as goose poop? Is it as tasty as cat poop?

Then I noticed


Why is my sissy in the New York Times? Is she sneaking up to New York to track polar bears?? How can she do that when she spends most of the day in front of the window watching squirrels??

Then I noticed something:

This Ethel is a boy. BUT is he Ethel's long lost brother? Her cousin? Her pops? His name is Quinoa (tasty tasty quinoa) and he's a Dutch Shepherd. Is Ethel a Dutch Shepherd? If there's more than Ethel will they gang up on me? Could she find polar bears for me? I have plans for today. My sissy and I are going to search for polar bears. They would be a valuable addition to the Wally Revolutionary Front, scheduled to overthrow the naked apes any day now. (Also I think the polar bears would take my side against the Army of Ethels).

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Monday, June 04, 2007


My granny sent me this story from the Washington Post about how dogs are much smarter than you naked apes thought. I'm sure she sent it because 1) yes, we are smart and 2) she knows I am an example of a smarty-pants dog. I'm a real problem solver. Especially when my problem is the hunger and the solution is manipulating the naked apes to get it for me. (Or, alternatively, finding ways to get INTO the food).

The provocative new experiment indicated that dogs can do something that previously only humans, including infants, have been shown capable of doing: decide how to imitate a behavior based on the specific circumstances in which the action takes place.

"Every day, we're discovering surprises about animals and finding out animals are far more intelligent and far more emotional than we previously thought," said Marc Bekoff, an animal behaviorist who recently retired from the University of Colorado. "We're really breaking down the lines between the species."

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Clearing the Air

So my sissy thinks she can hijack my blog. Whatever. I hijacked her breakfast bowl this morning and finished her egg. Take THAT sissy. And, also, later today I will steal your ball and sleep on top of it so you can't play. Also, look, my butt is prettier than yours.

And just to clarify. Yes, I have a little fear of the thunder. What really happened was we were watching Pan's Labyrinth and I'm really afraid of fascists.

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Sunday, June 03, 2007

for MAX

my SCAREDY CAT brother is hiding under the laundry because of the thunder boomers so i'm TAKING OVER HIS BLOG. this picture is for MAX V. and also for Pippa cuz my brother said I can have a boyfriend in every port and Pippa is in Spain and MaxV is in Michigan and those are not the same ports. What's a port? and then Wally told me though that I can't under any circumstances root for Spain if they are playing Les Bleus in the soccer (football) or he'll spill my deep dark secrets to MaxyV (I don't know what they are but he looked like he meant business) and he said I can never ever EVER root for the Michigan Wolverines in that other football or I can't have any more chicken backs. which is weird because he can't even get into the freezer without our ma ape so I don't know how he'd do that. wait, what was I saying?

oh, here's a picture of ME for my admirererers.

ethel RULEZ

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Wally's New Stuff, pt. 3

Look! It's the VEGGIE KILLER. It is on the right. It grinds up the vegetables and the fruit-ables that go with my meat-ables for dinner! The ma ape has to grind them up into mush with a little chicken broth that she puts with my meats because my sissy is picky and doesn't like vegetables. Also, grinding them up makes them more bio-available for dog bellies. Whatever that means. Tastier, I hope. My ma ape told me that the VEGGIE KILLER came from the Amazon which is a long way to come. It's also strange because we get a lot of books from the Amazon. They're very busy down there.

On the left is the margaritarator. It grinds up the ice and the tequila which we do not get with our meats no matter how much we beg.

Here's where the vegetables live and some day we will eat them (some day, unless the ma ape's black thumb kills 'em). It's hard to see from the picture but there are okras, peppers, tomatoes eggplants, garlic chives, cilantros and basils. I like ALL of these things.

Here's a teeny tiny tomato bud! I keep my eye on it every day to watch it grow. One day it will be a grown-up tomato. And then I will eat it.

And before you think I'm vegematarian, here's a picture of me eating some chicken in a lovely bed of green. My right ear is all goopy from my ear medication.

And here is my sissy eating her sexy(chicken)back. She is not so ladylike when she eats. She learned from the best (me!)

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