OSCAR BLOG!

Hi Guys! Do you know what I am doing in this picture????

I.M. Peeing! Haha! Wally's team The Pee-gles won yesterday! Haha! WHEEEEEE!

Ain't No Bugs in Me!

We got back our poop tests from the vet. All clear. Which means that only ONE member of the family (out of five) escaped the giardia.

My ma ape finds this suspicious. As if perhaps someone engineered a Wally-resistant strain of giardia and planted it on the new guy to make him look like a germ bucket. Someone perhaps with a microbiologist GranNE.

My lips are sealed.

And drooling.

Spin Doctor

My ma ape says I am a fraud, a witchdoctor, a snake oil salesman, a quack! In spite of my TLC she felt like this all weekend:



And so she had to go to her vet and now she's being treated for GIARDIA. Ha! A reminder--who did NOT give her giardia?


I'm still a doctor--above all else, do no harm!

A Pair of Sights!

My baby brudder Oscar got to take his first trip to our regular V-E-T yesterday! My ma ape was a little worried because the staff at the SPCA was scared of Oscar because he growled and snapped when he was there. But Oscar was a total gent. Except for the fact that he wanted to play rasslin' with the visiting vet student. He passed with flying colors.


Um, except for one problem. See, we didn't realize that when we were adopting Oscar we were getting not ONE pet but about four--Oscar plus the three friends he was smuggling in his belly!
Yes, Oscar brought home a pair of sights. And he shared them with Ethel!


The V-E-T looked all our poops yesterday and found Oscar had three pair of sights and shared one with Ethel. Only ONE DOG had CLEAN POO. Yes, the corgador reigns supreme! The vet said they found three things under the microscope.

First was hookworm that looks like this when enlarged 1000X. It attaches itself to the dog's small intestine without an exit strategy:



Next was the wimpworm, I mean the whipworm, that causes diarrhea. Also called a Turd Blossom it looks like this under the microscope:

Finally is the worst one, the one that Oscar shared with Ethel, Gee Ardia. These little boogers hide out in an undisclosed location and are sometimes hard to detect and they stick around for a long time. It is almost too terrifying to look at under the microscope so make sure there are no kids around:


Fortunately both the boogers are on some pills to get rid of these bastards. I don't have to take any pills (but I do get to have some of the pill containers--CHEESE). Oscar has also had a microchip implanted in case he gets lost. (Private note to Grammie: See, he is One Of Us now!)


Meanwhile I have been making sure to maintain my health in the heat with a heaping helping of Frosty Paws. Ethel is a little uncertain:

But I dive in! My intestinal fortitude is what keeps the creepy crawlies out of my gut!

And here's a bit of food porn, a shot of our freezing box where the ma ape keeps the frosty paws. It's right by the door so when we come in from the heat we can cool off with homemade paws:


Stay cool, dudes!

On the Runs

I must apologize for my disheveled appearance.

And my absence from the dog-o-sphere. I have been down.


And out.
With a spot of Montezuma's revenge. Or more like three or four dozen spots, some in our yard, some in the neighbor's yard, one in the basement...you catch my drift (and may even smell it).

I am accepting applications for nurse.


I am also working on blog security. And checking the locks. I don't want any squatters moving in. To let you know how ungrateful those little jerks are. I wanted to show you this:

This is the Gooberstan Offical Fun Fest Birthday Gift Extravaganza. Stan, that ever generous dude, suggested that instead of getting HIM a toy you get a toy for a dog in need. Well, the StanMan is worthy not just of ONE gift but of a whole darn bag. So we put together a bag o' toys and took them to the SPCA. They thank you, Stan!

Four Things

I would like to share four things with you.

1. One of my apes is out of town for the week.


I'm roaching because it means extra me and mawma time! It also means that when we get up early for walk-a-rinos we can dance and sing really loud without waking anyone up.

2. Gus thinks I'm erudite.


Teka told me so. Actually she told me that Gus said I'm Airudite. And I thought she meant Aire-u-dite and it is true that I am an Airedale magnet (and I HAVE an Airedale magnet--thanks Stan!). But my ma ape informs me that erudite means that I am clever and witty. So true, Gus. So true.

3. My sissy is the MOST GROSS.



First--look what I'm doing in the background there. Ha! But sissy is the most gross. Because Sunday we went to the field and the ma ape said if we were good we'd get an extra special breakfast. And we did! I got a STEAK and sissy got TWO STEAKS. And I chewed mine but sissy did not chew hers and five minutes later she went into the living room and barfed up two UNCHEWED steaks. Totes gross, sissy! (P.S. We did not eat them. I have barf-o-phobia and I hid under the end table out of grossed outedness.) I would like to think it was the cosmic injustice in steak distribution that caused her vomitousness.

4. V-E-T!
We have to go to the vet this evening to get shot. We are not pleased. Ma ape says quit whining it's just a check-up. Easy for her to say. No one's going to put things in HER bottom and stick needles in her leg to steal her blood.

A Mighty Stain

This morning I made a tribute to my pal Ikenstein, the proud recipient of the first Stain award, selected by the greatest Stainer of them all, Joe Stains.

After my early morning walk and breakast I settled onto the couch for my early morning nap. And then I sat up, leaned over the edge of the couch and barfed out the Really Expensive Breakfast my ma ape had just made me. Reversal of fortune. Vomitacious. Puke-o-Rama. There will be Barf. It was wonderful. 'Twas a mighty stain.


This picture has nothing to do with the actual stain. My ma ape just said the stain just made her nauseous and she refused to take a picture of it. It is pinkish-orange on our already nasty grey carpet. SO AWESOME.


I hope I paid adequate tribute to my fellow Stainers.

The Story of My Butt by Ethel

Hey Hey Hey! It's Ethel Ethel ETHEL!

I heard MY BRO was talking about MY BUTT. And it is TRUE he BROKE IT! He says it is because my POO is not as NICE as HIS but you dogs on the internets said that maybe HE DID IT! The guy in the WHITE COAT said that I have an INFRACTION and have to take ANTI-Bs. I am lucky because some of my friends have owies much worse than MINE. Like SoCal Maggie who got hit by a car and Archie who hurts knees and has to spend all day watching THE HBO. Get better guys!

But I'm a-ok and I hear (cuz I can't look myself) that my bum looks like 100% less gross.

See me play!

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaan...


And we had snow on Thusday but then it disappeared overnight. I think my BROTHER ATE IT ALL. It's funny cuz he's on a diet but when we went to the vet I had lost TWO POUNDS.

Look at me in my disguises.

See, here I'm GREYHOUND:



Here I'm a SHEPHERD:

Flea-Bitten Onkels

My granny told me that my onkel Eric went to Wisconsin and got sand flea bites on his feets. So I am singing him this song:

There may be bugs on your stinky feets
But there ain't no bugs on ME!

Do you want to borrow my Advantix?

What sissy did

This is a less gory recreation of what sissy did outside while my apes were making grillables.



Yes, she caught a bird and it made my apes go NOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD ETHEL!

Joe Stains, if you need help with your birdables I would be happy to put my sissy in a box and send her to you. I'm sure word has spread about the baby bird killer. So fierce is my sissy.

Here is a picture recreation of sissy being a meanie:

And here I am in the role of dead bird:

Moo Tube Mania!

My pal Sherman sent us Moo Tubes which is VERY EXCITING and my ma ape wanted to give them to us right away because she thought they would be excellent for funny photo ops. She could not have been more wrong. There was nothing funny about how we ate our moo tubes. In fact, it was a lesson in dignity. Look:


In fact, I believe I look so regal the Queen would curtsy to ME.


Yup, nothing goofy here.


Even sissy kept her composure.


With only a minor bout of sillyface.


And one run in with weirdness.


I couldn't finish mine in one sitting so I stealthily hid it where no one (especially no sissy) would EVER find it. But then the ma ape was trying to figure out why the laundry basket of clothes she had just taken out of the dryer appeared to have been rifled through.


Mmmmm...moo tube fresh scent!

That's Disgusting! Look!

As I mentioned before, in order to celebrate what would be my sissy Morgan's 14th birthday we got some CORNISH HENS. I will give you a review of these hens below. I must warn you, however, these pictures are not for the faint of heart! They're not as disgusting as, say, my sissy's sappy pomes for MaxyV or an evening watching E! but it's pretty gross. So venture on only if you're not disgusted by dogs eating tasty tasty birdies!





Gross photos below!






Mmmm. These hens are good. That's pretty much all you need to know about my review. They are so tasty I can't grmphphrhbphrhprhr.


Can't type while I phgrprhrprgrgrgphrpghrprhg.


Grphgprhrgpghprhgphrgrphg.


Gulp! All done! My sissy is still chewing because she got 2/3 of the bird which I think is SO UNFAIR. She's younger than me and skinnier. That means I get more, right?


She can't talk now, either, but I'm sure she'd tell you it's so delicious she wishes I could have more.


Aaaaand...done! Look how helpful I am, offering to help her finish.


WARNING! More disgusting pictures below. Not for the vegetable-averse among you.

Look! These tomatoes must have been naughty. They had to be crated.


Look! Cluster of teeny tiny tomatoes. Oh those will make a wonderful side for my poultry dinner, eh?


This is my lemon basil. I'm a sophisticate and a big fan of Herbs.


One of my pals suggested that we should probably get TWO hens for sissy Morgan's burpday. I agree! And I saw another one in the fridge...how will I have tomorrow's? In my belly, please.