Birthdays and Haircuts!

First things first! Today is my Ape Onkel Eric's Burpday! I believe is around 2,947 years old. Hope you had a great one bud!



Now, other stuff. We have another storm coming (!!!?!??!) and my hotspot was not getting better so it was OFF to the VET! First they took my weight (and the scale wasn't properly zeroed--it read .4 BEFORE I got on!) and obviously I am DANGEROUSLY SKINNY. Horrible.

Here I am right before I crawled under the bench to hide. Dr. Bob had to look at my ganky head and take an EKG of my ticker.


My cardy-ologist says that I am the most AMAZING dog he's ever seen because I have the BIGGEST HEART he's ever seen. And that's not a metaphorical heart. I have a MONSTER TICKER. And the vet said I have a tacky-cardia. He showed my ape this picture:


I can't read Vet Language but I believe that means my tacky-cardia has grown a mullet and started collecting velvet paintings. So now I have to take a Slow Down Ticker! med. My ape hopes that will help me sleep through the night.

And then the vet gave me a hairs cut so I could put meds on my Hot Spot (not my bum):


It's my Punk Rock do--I'm so punk my mohawk is IN REVERSE. So I'd better do some thrashing to some local boys and their song Punk Rock Dog:



Do a little thrashing for me and my punk rock oldie Onkel! We'll travel round the world just you and me Punk Rock Dog!

Cold Spot, Hot Spot

Hello buds! I've been so bad at visiting blogs and I haven't even been able to see much of Mango Minster. I'm feeling a little poorly and some days my secretary just wants to hang out with me and I dont' complain because I like the attention. But I thought I'd share a little of what I've been up to lately. First we got something exciting!

SNOW!!!!!! I was especially excited because last time the snow came w/my Onkel Eric! But I've been looking for himfor days and still haven't been able to find him! Onkel Eric! Come inside and I will make you dirty martinis!

The sheps love to play in the snow.

And they spend all their time zooming.

And generally making spectacles of themselves.

And they miss out on the best part of snowtime!

Gorging on snowcones! But as you may have noticed I have 99 problems. And a hotspot is one.


While Hot Spot is my nickname for my hottest asset:

This hot spot is not hot in the good way. And it is right between my eyes! I look like I'm wearing a bindi.


I will probably need extra snacks to have the energy to heal my hotspot. I hope it does not ruin my goods looks (that is a not so subtle dig for compliments, plz.) More on an EXCITING SPCA Saturday sooN!

Busy Bees!

I've been like superbusy. See all these toys I've had to play with! And then the visitors!

My and my brudder have been charming the HECK out of my Onkel Eric.

But obvs he has a favorite.


We have many things in common, me and my Onkel. First is that we are SUPER Husker fans! See me lounging on my Husker blanket?




And we watched the Holiday Bowl in which the Huskers KICKED some Azrizona REAR!



And we love our chow. Here I am with my pig's ear.


And with my ice creams.

And here he is with his mussels.

And me with my muscles.


And also we both love apes and here I am with my new sock monkey from my girlfriend Sam of the Brat Pack. He is a Husker Monkey because he is red. My Onkel Eric thinks he is the most awesome and this is a special message to my Onkel Eric who wants to steal my Husker Monkey--get your paws off my sock monkey you damn dirty ape!

OK, I've got to get bac to napping.

A Visitor from the North!

My Onkel Eric has come to visit me all the way from Norway! And he brought a very special present that I must show you!

Can you see how ho-hum humdrum things were the day he was to arrive.

Same old, same old regular obnoxious peppy sheppys.

I was wondering--would I remember my Onkel who I have not seen in over six years? (Answer: yes.)

And what presents might he bring me? I was hoping for smalahove, a Norwegian dish often served at Christmastime made of a sheep's head.


Or maybe a reindeer who could pull me around before I ate him?

Alas, he could not get either of these things through customs but he did bring us something really really wonderful...

Snow!! Piles and piles of it! For me to eat!


Still obnoxious sheppys but no more same old same old!


No more humdrum ho hum!

Look at the sheppys unable to keep up with me!


Hooray! And everyone is trapped in the house admiring ME! Feeding ME snacks!


Thanks for the prezzie Onkel Eric!

Solving Problems, One Dog at a Time

My Onkel Eric sent me this article today from the Chi-Town Sun-Times titled "Black Dog Syndrome: Harder to Find Homes for Darker Pups":

Thomas the Tank's supple and shiny black Labrador coat is his most stunning feature.

It's also his greatest curse.

The 5-year-old bundle of sweet canine joy unwittingly suffers from "black dog syndrome," a term describing how large, black dogs often linger the longest on the adoption block at animal shelters. While scientific evidence of this malady is scarce, the phenomenon is real and also applies to black cats, those working in shelters say.

My onkel Eric noted that my ma ape, the social worker, has been doing her part to end this scourge. And so I give you--Black Dog Palooza! And as I was looking at these pictures I noticed the Amazing Growing/Shrinking Dog Syndrome that I have. I look dramatically different sizes in different pictures. Witness:

I fare well horizontally.

But vertically I'm small. Even when I'm in the front.

Ah, this looks about right.

Maybe that's why people are afraid of us? SHAPE SHIFTING SUPERHOUNDS!

Ape Burpday Alert!

Hey! The gang's all here! Why? To wish a HAPPY BURPDAY to my ONKEL ERIC!

He is turning 18586743424 today AND moving to Norway! We will now call him ONKEL ERIC the RED!


My Onkel Eric is fond of many things including APES (the ones with hair)

Paul Westerberg



And a generalized sense of ennui that can only be conveyed by the expressive face of a corgador:

No More Diets!

My Onkel Eric, a Thinker of the Highest Order, sent me this article about how it is not my habit of snacking on, um, anything that is making me fat. it is all the thinking I'm doing!!! See!

It turns out that performing mental tasks, like trying to solve problems while working at a computer, stimulates the appetite so much that people tend to eat significantly more calories than they burned while performing the "knowledge-based" tasks.

I have evidence to back up this story! My baby brudder is the skinniest in the house while I have the BIGGEST BRAIN!

The diet does NOT start tomorrow--I've got thinkerating to do!

Dr. Uncle Eric IN THE HOUSE!

This is an image closing resembling one of my favorite naked apes, ONKEL ERIC who now we must refer to DR. ONKEL ERIC. He defended his disscombobulation today and became a PhDog.


Congrats, Onkel Eric, I am wearing my S**T happens sweatshirt because no one is a more awesome pessimist than you...but then s**t happened!

Happy Burpday Onkel Eric!

Why am I singing? Because tomorrow is a very important day! It is my Onkel Eric's BURPDAY! And I am singing "You loooook like a monkey and you smellll llike one tooooooo!" But my Onkel will not be offended because he loves apes. My Onkel Eric always complains that I am spoiled but I think he's just jealous. Well, I know that my Auntie Ira (she of the abundant pastrami!) will spoil him on his burpday. As I gift I would like to volunteer to write the final chapter of your dis-hurt-station. It will go a little something like this:

While all of this stuff about postmodern American literature is quite interesting it is clear that the novel as a form has been displaced by a new and far superior literary form: THE DOGBLOG. (excessive footnotes to be added). The heterotopic space of fragmented subjectivities a will be replaced by a dogotopia in which linear notions of time and bounded space shall be replaced by the immediacy of canine experience . Human metanarratives and the rejection of those metanarratives will be remembered as mere anti-nostalgia for a time when anyone gave a crap what the naked apes said and did, a dark time before the rise of the dog-centric narratives in which the time is always now, the place is always here, and the food bowl is always full.

There, DONE! Let's eat and drink! I'm pretty good at this academic crap And if that doesn't work, maybe this dude can lend you a hand:

Gott Nytt Ar!

Happy New Year to my Onkel Eric in Sverige! (Sweden!) He gets to the new year before I do. Since he is IN THE FUTURE I thought I would show him the future where we can walk on two feets!



Be afraid, be very afraid Onkel Eric! Your counters will never be safe again...

Flea-Bitten Onkels

My granny told me that my onkel Eric went to Wisconsin and got sand flea bites on his feets. So I am singing him this song:

There may be bugs on your stinky feets
But there ain't no bugs on ME!

Do you want to borrow my Advantix?

happy burpday onkel eric!

it's my onkel eric's burpday! the above image is NOT my onkel but he's a big fan of the great apes, being one of the greatest apes himself. february burpdays RULE.

countdown to burpdays!

this is just a friendly reminder that there is ONE day until my onkel eric's birthday and TWO weeks to my burpday (not my birthday which is one of the great mysteries of the universe--this is a celebration of the day i picked out my new naked apes). happy burpday TO US.

this photo is a reminder of what i like for gifts, namely, things i can put in my mouth. these include: bones, meat, biscuits, mapples and bananas, cheese, wasabi peas, pizza, cake, squeakies, and so on. all of these are acceptable gifts. i believe my onkel eric may be more discriminating in his gift tastes, mostly he likes things he can read. what a weirdo.