Birthdays and Haircuts!

First things first! Today is my Ape Onkel Eric's Burpday! I believe is around 2,947 years old. Hope you had a great one bud!



Now, other stuff. We have another storm coming (!!!?!??!) and my hotspot was not getting better so it was OFF to the VET! First they took my weight (and the scale wasn't properly zeroed--it read .4 BEFORE I got on!) and obviously I am DANGEROUSLY SKINNY. Horrible.

Here I am right before I crawled under the bench to hide. Dr. Bob had to look at my ganky head and take an EKG of my ticker.


My cardy-ologist says that I am the most AMAZING dog he's ever seen because I have the BIGGEST HEART he's ever seen. And that's not a metaphorical heart. I have a MONSTER TICKER. And the vet said I have a tacky-cardia. He showed my ape this picture:


I can't read Vet Language but I believe that means my tacky-cardia has grown a mullet and started collecting velvet paintings. So now I have to take a Slow Down Ticker! med. My ape hopes that will help me sleep through the night.

And then the vet gave me a hairs cut so I could put meds on my Hot Spot (not my bum):


It's my Punk Rock do--I'm so punk my mohawk is IN REVERSE. So I'd better do some thrashing to some local boys and their song Punk Rock Dog:



Do a little thrashing for me and my punk rock oldie Onkel! We'll travel round the world just you and me Punk Rock Dog!

For My Angel

My secretary has been particularly useless of late but I wanted to take this chance to give a shout out to my buddy Angel from the Lucky 7. Like me, she's a bit grey around the temples but we both have left our hard living ways behind us and are happily retired. She's feelin a bit poorly, as you do when you're advanced in age (and intelligence) so I'd like to wish her GET WELL, buds.


Someone's got to keep their eyes on these young whippersnappers.

And here's a picture of a handsome mature gentleman to keep you warm at night, Angel!

For Graham

This is for my friend Graham Riggins, known as the baby brother of Sophie Brador. I am staring intently into the camera so as to beam part of my brain to him in Canada. He is feeling quite poorly and I'd like to share some of my perfectly firing neurons. It is quite selfish of me to hog this gigantic brain.

Also, I am sharing a bit of my heart with his mom who also needs some extra love and I've got some extra heart so I might as well!

Taking Care of My Ticker

So I told you that Saturday I had to go to the vet. It was a surprise visit because I was feeling poorly. I did not sleep Friday night and I was clearly uncomfortable Saturday even though I am stoic and don't complain very much. My ape knew what it probably was. I have had cardiomyopathy for awhile now. That means my heart valves and heart muscles are not perfect (even though the rest of me is) and my heart has been working harder and getting progressively larger over time. Eventually it leads to congestive heart failure which is where I am now. You can read about the problem here. There were some telltale signs.

One was that I was uncomfortable at night which we now know is from having the fluid in my chest pool on one side making breathing more difficult. As you can see I was not my usual peppy self. I was coughing and wheezing a bit and couldn't get comfortable.

Also if you look at my eyes they look droopy but that is really just noticeable because my mucous membranes are so pale because my ticker is having a hard time pumping my blood.

And then you can see that I am looking a little skinny in the rear. That's because they starve me. And I have lost 4 pounds since my last vet visit. But when I lie down I get a tummy pooch because I have fluid in my belly.

So I had to go to the vet to help my discomfort. The vet took some picture of my insides (that are not as pretty as my outsides.) Here are my gorgeous outsides:

Here's an approximation of my not so pretty insides:


There is almost no dark space in my chest because it is all taken up by my GIANT heart and built-up fluid. I am already taking a drug called Pimobendan that helps my heart beat more efficiently. And I have to take a diuretic that will help me pee out that extra fluid (and boy have I been peeing my little heart out! Er, big heart.). And I am taking an ACE inhibitor called enalapril. And the best part is that all the pills come in SNACKS! Now I just need to stay calm, get moderate exercise, and get plenty of rest. And peeing. As Patience pointed out, when the snow comes I will be able to write my name! And I am getting extra snacks and when I want a bed the peppy sheppys have to MOVE IT and I get to sleep in the people bed with my ma ape. Unfortunately my heart will not get better but I hope the new meds will make me more comfortable and I plan to MILK IT for all it is worth!


So I'm just going to live it up! And I am accepting all incoming smooches!

My Regularly Scheduled Health Crisis

That is how I am feeling.

I have a tendency to get sick around the holidays. One year I had spondy-losis and my back hurt and then I ate my whole sample pack of Rimadyl and spent almost 24 hours at the vet! Another year the vet detected an arrythmia at my checkup. Last year I had my first syncope (fainting spell). Right on schedule this year it was time for a vet checkup! I have been restless at night for several weeks and this morning I was feeling poorly. Off to see Dr. Teddy! I had some pictures taken of my heart and the diagnosis was: TOO ROMANTIC! Yes, my heart is so full of love it is taking up 2/3 of my chest cavity and it is causing fluid in my lungs.

So now I'm relaxing at home with some new pills. If I'm a little quiet it is just that I am supposed to get some rest. And also I'm supposed to eat one lamb leg every day. I'm pretty sure the vet said that.

Time is a Wastin'

I am terribly behind in reading blogs and in blogging. I haven't even posted SPCA Saturday nor did I let you know that Waylon Rat Boy Pit Boo Puppy has a new home and he was picked up right away with a lady who adopted a roly poly pit boo girl from the SPCA last year and was looking for a friend for her girl and was sad that she had missed out on the litter of blue pit boos but now she has one! Isn't that wonderful? Especially wonderful--that lady IS NOT MY MA APE. Whew. Happy Trails, Waylon!

My ma ape has been kept busy looking for a new doghouse for the gang and trying to figure out more gauges and what not. I don't care if our new house has more gauges I just want air conditioning, a place for my meaty box, and a nice yard with no poodles barking at me.

But also she's a little stressed because I've been feeling poorly. It's probably partly the weather. A native Northwesterner like me doesn't do so well in the heat and I hate the T-storms. It's also probably that I'm 12-14 years old.

Saturday is Oscar Bean, Super Teen's Second Birthday and as a gift I am taking him to the vet tomorrow! I know, I'm too kind! And my ma ape is going to take me to talk to the vet about my health. She says I am having "senior moments." I told her I don't make her go to the vet for her senior moments like the 10th time today she has lost her keys or the batteries she accidentally put in the freezer. And yesterday when I barfed I let Oscar BS Teen clean it up. Am I not the best big brudder EVER? I will tell you what the vet says other than that Oscar needs obedience classes and I probably just need some botox or something.

Dr. Wally Is On Call!

So some of you have been expressing concern about my ma ape but I assure you there is no need. Here is the state of my ma ape's health:

No, she is not actually a horse (though she has a very horsey robust hind ends), she is healthy as a horse. Well, other than the mysterious stomach ailment last Thursday night which may or may not be traceable to the kisses I gave her after eating my chicken back.

No, my ape who is feeling a bit poorly is the J Ape, the one with the nice camera that takes loverly photos of me. Since J Ape is behind the camera I don't have a picture so let's just pretend this is J Ape.

The J Ape has been having ticker problems. I am working on a theory that he has been jealous of the attention I have received on account of my ticker problems and, of course, he wants to be cool like me so he is making his heart too big, too. Dr. Wally's diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally).

It is not easy for those of us with the Big Hearts and Soulful Eyes:


I do quite good work with the medical diagnoses. For example here is my sissy:

She is fine physically, if a bit long in the legs, but she also suffers a bit from ADD inasmuch as she has some problems paying attention and it leads her to pace endlessly and lose her toys to her snotty baby brudder. Dr. Wally's Diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally.)

Here is Baby Brudder Oscar. While he is passed out in the grass here, he is fine--if a bit on the thin and leggy side--at least on the outside. Inside that head? There be dragons. This dog is loopy. Dr. Wally's Diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally).


I am certain that any national health care program will include the services of Dr. Wally. In addition to my mad skillz diagnosing I can also do a laying on of paws that will surely cure whatever ails you. Except the Wallyjelly, because I know that I am a lot to live up to. But remember, you do not need to make your heart big to be like the Wally. Just 23 hours a day of napping (with snoring), copious snackeroonies, and sibling bossery should do the trick!

A Day for Bassets!

I was SO RELIEVED to check the Five Happy Hound's blog and see that my main lady Sam was feeling better. She's been under the weather and I've been so worried. I hope you continue to get better (but still get loads of extra attention!). Here's a picture to help you feel a bit better; I hope it doesn't make your fever worse!

Also I saw this story in the Telegraph about a basset and an owl who are best buds who like to watch telly together.

I like my stories, too, though I'd rather not watch them with a bird perched on my back, thank you. I would most def watch them with a basset bud, though.