animal news

my friends the seals have continued to fight back against their naked ape oppressors.

and it sounds like zoo atlanta might be giving gorillas fertility drugs. three pregnant gorillas and twins born yesterday? is it nature, the intervention of science, or is the intelligent designer rethinking the whole think about letting the primates evolve into you jerks? i'll go with the latter and eagerly await the day when the hairy apes take their rightful place bossing you around (while still being, of course, inferior to dogs).

good idea, bad execution

the new york times, covering the real news, has a story on dogcat radio, a new station for pets. it seems like a good idea, though it really sounds like it is designed for naked apes. do you really think we're corny enough to want to listen to the baha men ("who let the dogs out?") or elvis's "hound dog"? or, god forbid, "that's what friends are for"? please. and including behavior lectures? come on. i say, let the dogs pick the programming (not for cats, please!) and give me my own show. i could become the rush limbaugh of bark radio, but with less prescription drug abuse.

coming attractions

i have been preoccupied and unable to blog of late. here are things that have been keeping me busy:

1) mourning the pathetic performance of my football teams. seriously, huskers and beagles--what the hell is wrong with you?
2) trying to steal halloween candy (why give it to those deadbeat kids? giving them handouts now only discourages the development of personal responsibility. make them work for their candy, preferably at wal-mart which the labor department gives 15 days to cover up child labor violations!)
3) trying to get rid of a bacterial infection in my ear and, therefore, visiting the vet and charming the heck out him and his assistants, as usual.
4) looking cute in my halloween costume.
5) waiting for indictments. (of repuglicans, not of me. what have i ever done?)

so, here's what i promise soon:
1) pictures of my bacterial infection in all its disgusting glory!
2) pictures of me in my halloween costume.
3) insightful commentary on the news of the day with extra jokes about the name "scooter" and futher explanations of why i would make 1) a better supreme court justice 2) a better coach of the huskers and 3) a just plain better being than you naked apes.

in the meantime, busy yourself reading this article that confirms my belief that the hooskers should not have hired bill callahan (i TOLD you so). also watch the colbert report because it's funny. almost as witty as me. i don't know where he gets that arrogant big head of his, though.