Friday, December 29, 2006

free barney!

Here's the clip of the Daily Show's reimagining of Barney's Holiday Extravaganza. like me, they imagine he's the only one with a damn clue.
the best line? "how is it i'm the one who got neutered?"

free barney!

beagles for beer?

in germany, a man traded his stepgaughter's beagle for beer:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.

The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).

The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.

joe stains, this may be a great solution for ridding yourself of your brother. convince your 'rents to trade him in for belgian beer. i'm holding out for a t-bone for my sister.

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big in japan!

yesterday i published a not so flattering post about the fad of 'designer dogs' in japan but today msnbc pet health has a nice article about pet pampering in japan including acupuncture, aquacize, pet gyms, and other accoutrements for elderly pets. sounds a lot like miss sunshade's routine--she is ever the trendsetter.

so, mawma, let's get to pampering!

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more for me, less for you.

the new york times ran a story called "meat and the planet" about how our carnivorous ways may be responsible for global warming (and thus the disappearance of another carnivore--the polar bear!--ironic, eh?)

Consider these numbers. Global livestock grazing and feed production use “30 percent of the land surface of the planet.” Livestock — which consume more food than they yield — also compete directly with humans for water. And the drive to expand grazing land destroys more biologically sensitive terrain, rain forests especially, than anything else.

But what is even more striking, and alarming, is that livestock are responsible for about 18 percent of the global warming effect, more than transportation’s contribution. The culprits are methane — the natural result of bovine digestion — and the nitrogen emitted by manure. Deforestation of grazing land adds to the effect.

This made me think of the ridiculous "Restore the Balance" hummer ads where the guy is at the grocery store and is embarassed to be buying tofu and vegetables when the guy behind him is buying piles of meat. and so, he 'restores the balance' (of his manhood? of jackassery?) by buying a hummer which he drives WHILE munching on his carrot. interesting how two earth crushing activities (eating massive quantities of meat and driving a ridiculously large hunk of metal) are linked--and presumably via manhood which is about dominance of both nature and being adamantly anti-p.c.

so here's my proposal to "restore the balance." i, as a representative of nature, will continue to eat meat (though i'm a commited omnivore--please don't stop feeding me bananas, mapples, and baby carrots, thank you! and, also, i am man enough to not be feminized by the fact i do enjoy a good bowl of pumpkin every once in awhile) and i volunteer my naked apes to eat less (or none, in my mawma's case.)

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

won't someone think of the bears?

the polar bear has the now dubious distinction of being the first species to be put on the threatened list because of their shrinking habitat. the bears (unrelated to the chicago bears, i hear), have been found drowning and starving to death because the ice floes they rely upon as hunting platforms have been melting and are further apart, requiring them to swim long distances just for food. so in spite of stephen colbert's probable petition that we should eradicate ALL bears and the probable claims of anti-science members of the administration that they see plenty of bears in the coca-cola commercials, the government might step in and try to do SOMETHING for the bears. i offered to share my sister's kibble with the bears but my mawma said that wouldn't help. don't say i didn't try.

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when will they design smarter humans?

it may be best that i lay low because this story in the new york times discusses the designer dog trend in japan where it has taken off with a vengeance with people seeking one-of-a-kind dogs, often with tragic consequences for the dogs who are often inbred and euthanized for imperfections.

Indeed, many of these buyers want dogs they can show off like proud parents. They are willing to pay top yen, with rarer dogs fetching higher prices. Coveted traits like a blue-tinged coat are often the result of recessive genes, which can determine appearance only when combined with another recessive gene. Inbreeding is a quick way to bring out recessive traits, as dogs carrying the gene are repeatedly mated with their own offspring, enhancing the trait over successive generations. When done carefully, some types of inbreeding are safe. But in Japan, all too many breeders throw aside caution in search of a quick profit, experts in the business say. In these cases, for every dog born with prized colors, many more appear with defects, also the product of recessive genes.

the carnage is pretty appalling:

One is Keika, a deaf 1-year-old female dachshund with eyes that wander aimlessly. Her breeder was originally selling her for about $7,500 because she is half-white, a rare trait in dachshunds.

“That is an unnatural color, like a person with blue skin,” Mr. Sasaki said.

The breeder told Mr. Sasaki that he had bred a dog with three generations of offspring — in human terms, first with its daughter, then a granddaughter and then a great-granddaughter — until Keika was born. The other four puppies in the litter were so hideously deformed that they were killed right after birth.

A sad stories of dogs being, once again, the victims of human hubris and stupidity. It's funny that people feel they have to somehow breed a one of a kind dog. Every dog I've met has been unique with its own personality, quirks, and beauty. Purebred, puremutt and everything in between we all have something to offer. Why do you have to tamper with our natural awesomeness? Sigh. For this reason we have to keep the amazing corgador a well-kept secret (between you, me, and the rest of the internets!). And, in return I will keep secret the magical world of the terrierists (WTFs, Chickendales, and even Doofuses!), boo-dogs, scotsman poets, sister ethels and all of my internets friends. Nature's most perfect creations must remain hidden lest we fall victim to the latest fad. No, a big-headed, strong-willed, sturdy in body and character dog like me is one of the world's best kept secret and let's keep it that way! Let the Paris Hiltons of the world carry around rats in their purses and we dogs, perfect in our imperfections, will remain popular with the naked apes for love us for who we are.

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I ain't afraid of no tigers

Our camera is STILL missing and from this I can draw only one conclusion. The Auburn Whore-Eagles must be behind this. They have stolen the camera in order to prevent my mawma from posting more morale boosting pictures of me being dashing in my jersey. So here are some oldie but goodies of me in my Hoosker gear. We will not be intimidated, whore-eagles. Three days to the Cotton Bowl!

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

ugliest dog competition

i spent this afternoon watching the world's ugliest dog contest on animal planet. most of the dogs were hairless. know what else is hairless and ugly? naked apes. and yet you don't let us have an ugliest naked ape contest. you can vote for your favorite (least favorite?) here. and you can read their stories here. (haha. iput my sister on there because everyone says how pretty she is. what's pretty about long legs and pointy noses? big heads rule!)

i don't appreciate the naked apes laughing at us so i think we should have an "ugliest human" competition. please submit nominees.

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Sunday, December 24, 2006

a super curiosity.

this weekend my beagles and my seahawks officially made it into the playoffs--woo! (as did the bears). this raises an interesting conundrum, though. the last five teams that lost the super bowl (as the seasquawks did last year) are often said to be "cursed" because they had a losing year after losing the stupor bowl. (it was in the washington post so it must be true).

but this year, the stupor bowl losing seasquawks having a winning record and are headed to the playoffs while the stupor bowl winning stealers have a losing record and will not be in postseason play. what does this tell us? well, you may remember last year's stupor bowl was rife with questionable calls, most of which went the stealers way (hence, they are the stealers). this can only mean one thing--the seasquawks SHOULD have been the winners and the stealers the losers but they cheated and stole the game. yup, that's my story and i'm stickin' to it.

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what's this silly picture? why, you're standing under the mistletoe and i'm giving you a smooch! happy wallyday!

the case of the missing camera.

we have a problem! my mawma can't find our camera and, thus, can't take pictures of my lovely mug! can you even believe it? this is a picture of me looking forlorn last week but it applies now. not only will everyone have a rotten christmas (being unable to see new pictures of ME) but my mawma said she wants to wait to give me my presents when we can take pictures! WHAT??? i know there is a loofah dog waiting for me on top of the fridge, a big bone in the freezer, and a hedghog on the shelf (they're not so good at hiding. i'm short, not stupid). this is what my mawma gets for "cleaning." does she have to spoil everyone's christmas?

a chowgi!

meet kevin! he's a chowgi (corgi/chow) and maybe he could be YOUR chowgi. he lives in pa.

Kevin was very sad when he arrived here. He adores attention, and is now playing with the other Chows/Chowmixes. Kevin is very well behaved, crate trained, house trained, up to date on vaccinations and will be neutered and tested for heartworms in January. Prior to adoption Kevin will be groomed and microchipped.

they forgot to add to his description that he looks an awful lot like the wally so you could pretend you have a wally!