In the Doghouse

Me and my sissy got in trouble today. Like, LOTS of trouble. My ma ape was apoplectic. I don't even know what the word means but it sounds like someone's head is about to pop and I think my ma ape's almost did.

Here's what happened. We went to the field by our house where we regularly go to play. It's a big field next to a big fenced in university-owned forest. Some of the underbrush spills into the field but we usually don't care much about it. My sissy chases her stupid tennis balls and I play The Great Explorer. I was minding my business and my sissy was minding her tennis ball business when suddenly she looked at something in the underbrush and bolted into it. My apes didn't think much of it--they yelled at her--but usually it's just a rabbit or a squirrel or a bird that gets away quickly and sissy quickly gets back to fetching. But then they heard something in the underbrush. And I started running. My ma ape started to take a picture because I'm funny when I run. Then POP out of the underbrush.




Bambi! As you can see, she pulled away from me quickly and my sissy was still sniffing in the brush.


And the deer headed straight for the back corner of the fence where there's a hole. My ma ape put down the camera and hightailed it for us. Seemed like the deer would just leap over the fence (not that tall) or zip through the hole--which it looked like the deer was purposely heading for. NO! Stupid Bambi threw herself against the fence and then ran RIGHT AT MY SISSY.


Something happened in the brush. Yup. There was blood. Not a lot. But blood. The deer eventually got away after what seemed like (my ma ape says) a million years and they caught my sissy who was CRAZY for Bambi. The deer ran off and our apes were MAD at us for not leaving it alone when they first told us too. Sigh. If only my ma ape knew this was our plan to give her a completely unique mama's day gift--a DEER! Sheesh. Some people are so ungrateful.

So we went home--apes FUMING and us PANTING, still WIRED. The apes called the wildlife people to check on the deer but they couldn't find it so it must have been ok enough to run off.

WE had to take BATHS! What horrible punishment. Here's my sissy after hers. She had a small owie on her foot but no tender spots or blood. Look--she still looks crazy!


Here I am. Still EXCITED about the day. No owies on me, no tender spots. The apes don't think we got kicked or anything and we're running around like nothing happened. Except the most awesome thing EVER for a dog! Better even than when we caught the woodchuck!


My ma ape was SO MAD she said we had to give away our venison snacks to some of our doggy friends as penance for what we did to the deer. She feels guilty. Us, not so much!

Ready for the Weekend.

It's Friday. I'm sharpening my teeth with a little bully stick in anticipation of the weekend. I like to chew with my stuffies, to keep them on their toes. I know where your squeakies are and I know how to get them.

Bring on the weekend!

Apologies

That's how my sissy's goopy poem for MaxyV made me feel--ack! How sickeningly sweet (and not at all an awesome love like my feelings for Dudley. Or Sa-man-tha! And, Sam, I swear you have nothing to worry about with my green wiener)

So now you know why I don't let my sissy have her own blog. She gets too excited about EVERYTHING.

And, Max, I have to say--it's a good thing you don't love her for her brain. She kind of does have us boys' number though, eh?

Pome for MaxyV (by Ethel)

MY BROTHR (OOps caps LocK) said i could write my OWN PSOT (oopS oveRexcitement!) because MAXIMILIAN THE VALIANT wrote a POME for me. I'm SWOOONING. Did you see the picture????? And the ROSES? See me PANT WITH LOVE?

Here's my pome (FREE VERSE!) in reply:

I love Maxy V
I don't love many things
That aren't covered by
tennis ball fuzz
Other than my brother
Who I love when he
doesn't annoy me
when he steals
my tennis balls.

MaxyV has a longnose
Like me and not like
My shortnose stinky brother
I bet Max is fast
And we could chase
tennis balls
And sometimes I would
let him beat me
to the ball.

Because boys have
easily bruised egos
And
I
am
fast.

ETHEL RULZ!

The Ass Talks

My new ass doesn't want any crimes pinned on him so he's singing like a bird. Here he is making his funny donkey brays while I bite him. The crunchy noise is the paper or something in his ears. He's fully of noisy surprises.

Hedgie Autopsy

The ma ape was gone too long yesterday at "work." Which can only mean one thing--a stuffy must die. My ma ape tries to put up the easily dissected ones and the ones I don't like as much because I'm more likely to attack them.

She came home yesterday to find stuffy innards strewn about the house. She was confused. The stuffies looked fine including my favorite stuffy, Pastel Hedgie. See, he looks fine!


But then she flipped him over! Someone did a perfect buttectomy on him--opening him up at the rear in order to pull out the squeaker before flipping him back over to hide the evidence. Look at the surgical precision!


I have to inspect. Gosh, who could have possibly done this? Clearly only a genius could conceive of and carry out such a perfect crime.


I blame the big ass! Who do YOU think did it?

Dogs Rule Around the World

No matter where you are, dogs rule:

A dog helped rescuers find her 88-year-old owner, who went missing the day before in southern Japan, police said Tuesday. The pilot of a police helicopter searching for the missing man spotted the dog in an orange field about a half mile away, leading to his rescue Monday, said Uwajima police spokesman Takatoshi Hirokawa.

A Random Assortment of Funny Pictures

Here is a Monday pick-me-up of funny pictures from our weekend.


Bam! Look! My sissy just plowed me over! (Actually I'm just getting up from a nice roll in something. Probably something stinky and gross).


In the spirit of Nanook, here is some floofer flingin', Wally style!


And here my big ass watches me stretch out my green wiener! The ape thinks it's even funnier when the ape at the other end lets go and the wiener dog's butt springs back to hit me in the face and I fall over. I'm not amused!

I've got a big ass!

Look what I got for my sissy's burpday! My ma ape saw this donkey stuffy and knew that it had to be mine! If you bite him in the belly he makes a honking/braying sound (video coming soon!). And if you bite him in the limbs or the nose he makes regular squeaky sounds.

He has a big head just like me!


I can lift him up for the body slam aaaaaand.....


Ka-blam! He's down for the count!


He tastes like chicken.


Butt I love my ass and I give him kissies after kicking his bum.

Eatin' some 'Paws

Yeah! For my sissy's buprday we got some homemade Frosty Paws, Nanook style! They were made of frozen yogurt, PB, banana, wallymelon, egg, flax seed, and some raw honey. Here's how we feel about it:


I wasn't trying to steal my sissy's paw, I swear! Innocent until proven guilty!


Here I am giving a taste test:


Evaluation: taaaaaaaaasty.

Burpday Extravaganza!

For my sissy's burpday we went to the pretty park that we don't get to go to very often. She played camera shy and hid from the puperazzi but I am camera ready!


Here's my sissy posing for her burpday portrait looking like a big ol' Doofus.


She was scared of the moving water but stopped for a stiff drink.


Here we are on the trail. I'm trying to tell her where to go. She's ignoring me.


We played fetch. Look at her tongue do things no tongue was meant to do.


Wally on the rocks!


Rolling Rock!


Havin' a little drink, ready to go home.

Sissy Burpday! (Observed)

It's my sissy's burpday! Since her real burpday is on a Monday and Mondays stink because for some reason our burpdays are not yet national holidays so the slave apes apes have to work we are celebrating this weekend! I adopted my sissy two years ago from a shelter in Maryland where they were suspiciously enthusiastic about unloading her (she had been returned from an adoption once before so I think they were worried). So we have to celebrate in style.

Yesterday I had to put together a list of things for the apes to get for my sissy for her burpday. Top of the list, of course, is my grinning mug! She should probably have a big framed picture of me she can gaze at whenever she wants.


And I told them to get some gift wrap to wrap her not so secret admirer MaxyV.


And then I told them to get her a whole bag of her favorite thing--tennis balls!


And then they went to Happy Dog, Healthy Dog, the fancy shmancy doggie store and got us loads of treats like liver pate, and liver snackies, and mumpkin flax cookies and.....

RABBIT! Mmmmm...Aunt Jeni's rabbit! Not food FOR rabbits but food OF rabbits. It comes highly recommended from my friends Buko, Narra and Jacks. Here's what it looks like!


It's green because they mix it with the fruits and vegetables and parsley and whatnot (so dogs like my picky sissy won't notice they're eating their veggies).


It may not look good but it smelled and tasted FAN-TAS-TIC. It was so good we BOTH begged for it. Even my sissy who is nonchalant about food. This is what we did as soon as the ma ape opened the container. There is a video of me making some embarassing sounds. I'm in negotiations for rights so it won't get posted on the Internets. We'll see. We couldn't wait until today to eat it so we had a rabbit dinner last night.

Today my sissy gets to open her tennis balls and we go to the park to play and we get MORE SNACKS! I saw the ma ape making Nanook Paws for us to have later when it is HOT. Just to clarify, Nanook Paws are doggie ice cream using Nanook's recipe. We're not actually eating Nanook, though we wish he was here to celebrate with us! We could compare fluffy butts! And I could share some tips on how to be the Perfect Big Brother. (The key--burpday presents you can share!)