Friday, September 04, 2009

How to Clean a Skunky Monkey

This morning while we were on walkies my ma ape let us off leash at a park where there was no one there. No one but a wee skunk. So after scouring the internets and finding some useful sites about dealing with skunkies I thought I'd share my corgador wisdom. Here's how to clean a skunky monkey:

1. Find a skunky monkey. This should not be hard even if you do not have a dog's refined sense of smell because you can smell them from about a mile away. You can probably smell Ethel through this photo. I had expected a putrid smell but it's really more like a tire fire. Mmmm...burnin' rubber.

2. Make a mixture of one bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a quarter of a cup of baking soda, and add a little dish soap.

3. Rub it thoroughly into the fur and let it sit for a few minutes. Rinse. Repeat as needed.

4. Enjoy being the only monkey that is not skunky and thus gets all the pets attention AND gets on the furniture.

5. Deflect rumors that this was all an agreement between me and another black and white beastie to hog all the attention. Also deny that this is a suggestion for one Ms. Samantha who is feeling neglected. (P.S. Sam--those skunkies are stinky enough I'm sure one could douse all of them.)

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Because my blog is not scratch and sniff I will instead give you a visual of our morning.

Now excuse me, I have two smelly peppy sheppys to lock out of the house.

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Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Been Caught Stealin' Tag!

My new friend Fred tagged me for a very special award.

Here's what is says:

When accepting this award, you must blog about the food you have stolen when your humans were not watching...If you have never stolen any food, you must be a really good pup!! You can accept this yummy tray of cookies as your reward! Next add the logo of this award to your Blog (optional), then nominate at least 5 other furry blogs and let them know by leaving a message on their Blogs...

We will go in reverse order from worst to best:

1. Oscar Bean, Super Teen: Oscar is not much of a food thief in part because he is crated when the apes are gone (known as Optimum Stealing Time.) He sometimes tries to steal things from me or my sissy but otherwise he is not a thief. Not because he's good, though, just because he is too dumb to get away with it. The main thing he eats that he's not supposed to is p-o-o-p, EW GROSS, OBST!

2. Ethel Jean, Thievin' Queen: OK, I exaggerate. She doesn't steal that often. Since she can reach the counter with relative ease she has done some thievin', mostly on days when we are left alone for a long time. She has stolen dog biscuits, bully sticks, and trash. Her worst habit is eating things from the trash can, the grossest being the little pads that soak up blood in the bottom of meat packages. EW GROSS EJ!

3. Wally Tamale, the Bonnie AND Clyde of Thievin': While I am now a relatively well-behaved beastie I have had a prolific career in thievery, mostly while my apes are gone and due in part to the fact that I am deceptively nimble. I used to be able to get onto the counter, climb shelves, open drawers, and basically get what I want (never figured out the fridge like my friend Peanut). Some of my greatest hits include: tins of sardines (which I opened myself), part of a bag of sugar, a granola bar from the bottom of my granNE's luggage, a container of cream of corn soup, half a candy bar in an ape pocket (ate through the pocket, too), uncooked spaghetti noodles, numerous bags of dog snacks and food, and half a dozen freshly baked muffins.

In my old age I have mellowed with the thievin' and I've learned that I can mostly get what I want with much less effort anyway just by doing sad eyes. This is me last month when I found a bag of jerky in a grocery bag on the floor and I brought it to my ma ape to open for me.

Now I have to go out and tag some friends! I'm also nostalgic for my thievin' days so maybe I'll stop by the kitchen on my way...

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The Poop Scoop!

I just came across this story about corgis at the Queen's garden party. I'm still not sure I understand the whole royalty thing but this Queen lady sounds ok in my book.

Guests at a Buckingham Palace garden party were wrinkling their noses at the Queen's corgis last night after stepping into something nasty.

Scores of people at the world famous invitation-only bash were astonished to find an unpleasant extra on the bottom of their shoes.

I'd like to think perhaps the corgis were engaging in a bit of class warfare against snooty magoos who don't think dogs belong at garden parties. Which obviously they do, as guests of honor.

"These parties are the chance for the great and good to meet the Monarchy but she will not budge when it comes to having the corgis involved.

"If Her Majesty feels they should have a walkabout then they shall - but obviously in this case they left a bit of a trail."

Though I have to say it sounds like these dogs have it pretty good.

"She feeds them titbits from the table and mixes up cooked meats, biscuits and gravy every teatime which she puts in silver bowls for them."

Teatime!! Is there a meal opportunity I have been missing?? I am part British, I most def need to indulge in this teatime!

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