I Didn't Do It.

A Photo Essay by Otis T. Potus.








This post dedicated to Rulon Mooch who also didn't do it.

I WIN!

German 4-England 1

OBST 1- Your eyes 0

Next time I'm going to celebrate like this guy:

Ma Ape's Away the Teen Will Play!

Our ma ape is out of town so I'm going to be RUDE and CRUDE to our guests. Even Otis is embarrassed!

HUMPY OBST!

Manic Monday

Our ape is back! And, as far as she knows, we were little angels while she was gone.

So don't tell her that while the ma ape is away the little devils COME OUT TO PLAY! A sampling of our handiwork:








Of course, when she got home OBST tackled her, Otis ate her face wash, and I WAS a PERFECT ANGEL.

Been Caught Stealin' Tag!

My new friend Fred tagged me for a very special award.


Here's what is says:

When accepting this award, you must blog about the food you have stolen when your humans were not watching...If you have never stolen any food, you must be a really good pup!! You can accept this yummy tray of cookies as your reward! Next add the logo of this award to your Blog (optional), then nominate at least 5 other furry blogs and let them know by leaving a message on their Blogs...

We will go in reverse order from worst to best:

1. Oscar Bean, Super Teen: Oscar is not much of a food thief in part because he is crated when the apes are gone (known as Optimum Stealing Time.) He sometimes tries to steal things from me or my sissy but otherwise he is not a thief. Not because he's good, though, just because he is too dumb to get away with it. The main thing he eats that he's not supposed to is p-o-o-p, EW GROSS, OBST!

2. Ethel Jean, Thievin' Queen: OK, I exaggerate. She doesn't steal that often. Since she can reach the counter with relative ease she has done some thievin', mostly on days when we are left alone for a long time. She has stolen dog biscuits, bully sticks, and trash. Her worst habit is eating things from the trash can, the grossest being the little pads that soak up blood in the bottom of meat packages. EW GROSS EJ!

3. Wally Tamale, the Bonnie AND Clyde of Thievin': While I am now a relatively well-behaved beastie I have had a prolific career in thievery, mostly while my apes are gone and due in part to the fact that I am deceptively nimble. I used to be able to get onto the counter, climb shelves, open drawers, and basically get what I want (never figured out the fridge like my friend Peanut). Some of my greatest hits include: tins of sardines (which I opened myself), part of a bag of sugar, a granola bar from the bottom of my granNE's luggage, a container of cream of corn soup, half a candy bar in an ape pocket (ate through the pocket, too), uncooked spaghetti noodles, numerous bags of dog snacks and food, and half a dozen freshly baked muffins.

In my old age I have mellowed with the thievin' and I've learned that I can mostly get what I want with much less effort anyway just by doing sad eyes. This is me last month when I found a bag of jerky in a grocery bag on the floor and I brought it to my ma ape to open for me.

Now I have to go out and tag some friends! I'm also nostalgic for my thievin' days so maybe I'll stop by the kitchen on my way...

Papa was a Rodeo

Do these look like three dogs up to NO GOOD? You would be CORRECT!

That guilty look on the sheppy face can mean only one thing--she-nanigans and he-nanigans afoot! Oh yes. We entered Stage Five of Project Ma Ape's Heart Attack. This morning she was diligently packing and moving things and carrying them to the car. Then she was going to mow the lawn, dogs happily inside in the AC.

And she's mowing mowing mowing when she sees PEPPY SHEPPYS IN THE BACKYARD! She looks! Back door is shut! Which means the FRONT DOOR was pried OPEN by nefarious noses and dogs were SPILLING INTO THE STREET. Or, rather, taking advantage of their new found freedom to run into....their own backyard!

Here is my ma ape's actual reaction:



One dog was extra special good. Well, so it seemed. The ma ape found me just chillin' in the open doorway. She thought I was being extra good but really I was just waiting for the Senior Citizen's Affordable Taxi (S.C.A.T. CAB! Yes, they actually call it that) to carry me off on adventures!
Oh yes, we are rambling men. And if I hadn't been caught I would be long gone. No really. Here's one of my favorite songs about the wandering life:

Law(n) & Order

I call on you, the readers of my blog, to serve as jurors in this case in which the defendant is accused of high whines and misty meaners.

The accused:


The prosecutor:

The Public Defender:


The Judge (with Moose. With budget cuts we couldn't afford and judge AND prosecutor. Or a gavel.):

The victim: Ma Ape (photo approximation, actual victim in Witness Protection Program):



Here are court transcripts for you, the jurors, to consider:

Judge: Defendant, how to you plead?
Defendant: Not guilty by reason of Doofusatiude.

Judge: Mr. Prosecutor, the Evidence.
Prosecutor: For your consideration, photos of the victim immediately following the incident:

Prosecutor: How did you obtain these injuries?
Victim: The dogs were shouting at the neighbor dog. I tried to block them from the fence when the defendant...
Prosecutor: Could you point to him?
Victim: That one. That looks like a Doofus.
Prosecutor: Let the record show the victim identified the Doofus with his tongue sticking out.

Prosecutor: Then what happened?
Victim: He landed on my leg, tore my sock, and scratched my leg.
Public Defender: OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS A DOOFUS! AND HE KEEPS POKING ME WITH STICKS!


Judge: Any questions for the witness, defense?
Public Defender: I QUIT!
Judge: Please stop biting your client. Or at least bite him harder so he shuts up.

Closing Arguments:

Prosecutor: Dude's guilty as sin. Please convict and sentence him accordingly. Three years hard labor pulling me in a wagon and going to bed without dinner because I get his share.


Defendant (Now representing himself): I didn't mean to! I like to shout! Wally is short! What were we talking about???

Former Public Defender: I LIVE IN A MADHOUSE! PLEASE SEND HELP!

Judge: Jurors, your instructions are to weigh the charges carefully and record your verdict in the comments. The judge will also be accepting bribes in the forms of meatables. Please deliberate carefully.

Shenanigans

Security cameras in operation while the ma ape was at the grocery store have picked up strange activity.

Long noses trying to cover up the camera.


Ape arms being ripped from their sockets.


Squeakies squealing like stuck pigs.


Stuffy carnage.


Possible evidence of a culprit.


And this.


A guilty party wouldn't return to the scene of his crime, would he?


The granules on the nose mean nothing. NOTHING.

I need a lawyer.

Harshin' my Vibe

Some of you may not know that I am an avid practitioner of Doga. I am quite good at meditation (with additional tongue contortion).


I stretch out.


And then scrunch up! (Granny with an N for Nebraska calls this cow/cat pose but I refuse to admit that I do a cat pose).


My sissy lacks my zenlike calm.


And she is totally a bad influence on me. Why, this week alone she has 1) peed on the couch (and she's not even allowed on the couch!) 2) stolen a box of biscuits from the table and munched on them 3) stolen jerky from the table and eaten it.


I feel like Ponyboy in the Outsiders, a basically good kid who is hanging with a tough crowd. See Sissy trying to convince me to join in some sort of nefarious plot?


This is the face of a dog trying to stand up to a great deal of peer pressure from a Bad Seed.