Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Law(n) & Order

I call on you, the readers of my blog, to serve as jurors in this case in which the defendant is accused of high whines and misty meaners.

The accused:


The prosecutor:

The Public Defender:


The Judge (with Moose. With budget cuts we couldn't afford and judge AND prosecutor. Or a gavel.):

The victim: Ma Ape (photo approximation, actual victim in Witness Protection Program):



Here are court transcripts for you, the jurors, to consider:

Judge: Defendant, how to you plead?
Defendant: Not guilty by reason of Doofusatiude.

Judge: Mr. Prosecutor, the Evidence.
Prosecutor: For your consideration, photos of the victim immediately following the incident:

Prosecutor: How did you obtain these injuries?
Victim: The dogs were shouting at the neighbor dog. I tried to block them from the fence when the defendant...
Prosecutor: Could you point to him?
Victim: That one. That looks like a Doofus.
Prosecutor: Let the record show the victim identified the Doofus with his tongue sticking out.

Prosecutor: Then what happened?
Victim: He landed on my leg, tore my sock, and scratched my leg.
Public Defender: OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS A DOOFUS! AND HE KEEPS POKING ME WITH STICKS!


Judge: Any questions for the witness, defense?
Public Defender: I QUIT!
Judge: Please stop biting your client. Or at least bite him harder so he shuts up.

Closing Arguments:

Prosecutor: Dude's guilty as sin. Please convict and sentence him accordingly. Three years hard labor pulling me in a wagon and going to bed without dinner because I get his share.


Defendant (Now representing himself): I didn't mean to! I like to shout! Wally is short! What were we talking about???

Former Public Defender: I LIVE IN A MADHOUSE! PLEASE SEND HELP!

Judge: Jurors, your instructions are to weigh the charges carefully and record your verdict in the comments. The judge will also be accepting bribes in the forms of meatables. Please deliberate carefully.

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15 Comments:

Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Will there be a spin off soon???

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

2:45 PM  
Blogger Beckett said...

Not guilty by means of mental disease or doofus!

3:32 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

Hmmm...much can be said about the qualities of a Doofus, remembering that none of what is said can be verified, because a Doofus seldom repeats the activity in question, and never repeats an activity when said activity is desirable or non-malicious. Therefore, the Doofus identified as the defendant in this case cannot be held responsible for his actions, unless he can replicate them on command at some future point.

gussie

4:40 PM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

I'm kinda with Beckett on this!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

5:14 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

I vote for Wally to be pulled around in a wagon. It doesn't really matter who does it, just as long as some dog does.

xo
SB

8:26 PM  
Blogger Suki Sumo said...

Who has the best meatables? I rule in favor of the best meatables! What can I say? I love treats.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Randi said...

I SECOND what Sophie said....

Wally needs a wagon...just don't fall off the wagon..

My ma ape has tears of laughing joy streaming down her face...

She LOVES Law & Order...esp. that nice cuddly Vincent D'Ofrio fellow..

& she LOVES LAW(N) & Order that much more!

Love & Licks,
Randi

9:35 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Three years going to bed without dinner sounds hard!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

10:02 PM  
Blogger Jacks, Narra, Tuchuck, and Rousseau said...

In defense of the doofus GSD, we non-partisan bystander GSDs would like to point out that raw meatables have been known to retard maturity. (No, we are not using the work "retard" pejoratively.) We say, everyone go vegan! :) Oops, sorry--we're a couple posts behind...

JNTR

10:12 PM  
Blogger Tee said...

I vote for pulling the wagon with wally in it. Public Prosecutor, your new job is to take photos.

Woo hoo Can't wait for the next entry.

Licks and Wags

Tuffy of DOg Woods

10:28 PM  
Blogger Moco said...

I am thinking that your house is crazier than ours. I realize that is hard to believe considering we have the crazy old bat, but you guys sure get into a lot of messes. Guilty-not guilty-pass the meatables.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Joe Stains said...

omdog, I don't even know how to weigh in on this one. I can't really believe that Doofusism can be a defense, or Tanner will be able to get away with *gulp* murder. I guess I just have utter sympathy for all involved, especially your Ma Ape. OUCH

1:47 AM  
Blogger Beckett said...

Wally, my ma ape and I are wondering if you have a side business doing pottery & social commentary: http://www.missmalaprop.com/2009/04/wallyware-handmade-pottery/

And if not, why not?

Beckett

10:43 AM  
Blogger the Corgi Girls said...

Harooo, you pups are a hoot! Give your mumsies kissies though, that sure looks painful!

6:48 PM  
Blogger MJ's doghouse said...

oh gosh wally...do you think you might have to cut ma apes leg off...that could get badly fected ...doofus slobber could not be good...she could turn into a rabid beast.......be very very careful wally...walk gently...and keep all your eyeballs open...

7:09 PM  

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