Law(n) & Order

I call on you, the readers of my blog, to serve as jurors in this case in which the defendant is accused of high whines and misty meaners.

The accused:


The prosecutor:

The Public Defender:


The Judge (with Moose. With budget cuts we couldn't afford and judge AND prosecutor. Or a gavel.):

The victim: Ma Ape (photo approximation, actual victim in Witness Protection Program):



Here are court transcripts for you, the jurors, to consider:

Judge: Defendant, how to you plead?
Defendant: Not guilty by reason of Doofusatiude.

Judge: Mr. Prosecutor, the Evidence.
Prosecutor: For your consideration, photos of the victim immediately following the incident:

Prosecutor: How did you obtain these injuries?
Victim: The dogs were shouting at the neighbor dog. I tried to block them from the fence when the defendant...
Prosecutor: Could you point to him?
Victim: That one. That looks like a Doofus.
Prosecutor: Let the record show the victim identified the Doofus with his tongue sticking out.

Prosecutor: Then what happened?
Victim: He landed on my leg, tore my sock, and scratched my leg.
Public Defender: OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS A DOOFUS! AND HE KEEPS POKING ME WITH STICKS!


Judge: Any questions for the witness, defense?
Public Defender: I QUIT!
Judge: Please stop biting your client. Or at least bite him harder so he shuts up.

Closing Arguments:

Prosecutor: Dude's guilty as sin. Please convict and sentence him accordingly. Three years hard labor pulling me in a wagon and going to bed without dinner because I get his share.


Defendant (Now representing himself): I didn't mean to! I like to shout! Wally is short! What were we talking about???

Former Public Defender: I LIVE IN A MADHOUSE! PLEASE SEND HELP!

Judge: Jurors, your instructions are to weigh the charges carefully and record your verdict in the comments. The judge will also be accepting bribes in the forms of meatables. Please deliberate carefully.