Of Birthdays Major and Minor

Edgrr has been blowing up our twitter telling everyone that it is his burpday when his burpday, in fact, is not until August 21st, Sunday.  He is SO EXCITED because he's never gotten to have a burpday before.  Fortunately we were able to ease him into it with a pre-Edgrr burpday celebration of our ape being one year closer to decrepitude.  The ape made this peachy cake but it was so good she didn't have time to take pictures before it was nommed into oblivion.

We got her some things we KNEW she would love!  Our beautiful smiling faces and, you can kind of see in this picture--RAIN! She needed it for her plants that GranNE planted for her and she gets so tired hauling the hose all over the yard for the waterings.

We did have some help in procuring the rain, however, from The Other Ape who got our ape these awesome waterproofs sandals!  Surely that coaxed the rain out of hidings!  And then ma ape, Theo's ape and The Other Ape went to a documentary called Rise of the Planet of the Apes!  An chimpocracy, orangetangery and gorilla tactics is maybe just what this country needs!

We also did some funny stuffs for our ape.  Wheeeee!  Roly poly Potus.

Ed played with his Otis doll.

And then we opened our card from GranNE!  She sent us some of the green stuff, surely to buy us party supplies for Ed's burpday!  Thank you so much GranNE!  The card said "You don't have that old person smell yet."  Aw, it was nice of you to lie to the ma ape, GranNE!

Then we made our ape happy by doing hippo impressions and eating i screams.

Ed ate so fast all his pictures came out blurry.

Oscar's eyes crossed.

And Ethel ate ever so delicately.

And then our friend Theo's Ape gave our ape THIS!  It is Wally as a Foo dog!  She has always thought Wally looked like a Foo Dog!  Foo Dogs are actually guardian lions and now we have Wally Foo to protect us from evil.

If this is how we celebrate a minor burpday like our Ma Ape's imagine the blow out we're gonna have for Ed's!  Look out world!

ETA:  We totally forget the BEST part!  CHEESEBURGERS FOR JOE STAINS!  The Other Ape brought us burgers for our regular Joe Stains remembrance!

So That Happened

It has been the MOST BUSY week ever. Other than maybe the week when my ma ape had a burpday while she and I drove across the country to move from Seattle to Delawhere. Also, at some point I went crazy. But this busy time I did not. So here's the story of Wally's Very Busy Week. First, my ma ape had a burpday and she is 9 million years old. I got her a GREAT present--beer! Beers with dogs on them are the best.

And another great present--ICE CREAM FOR US! Because the weather decided to get hot just in time for the moverating. So here I am nomming a bit of sweet potato n' molasses cream because I know nothing maes my ma ape happier than watching me be happy.


And then I had to move out of my old stinky house. It was a rental. And it was carpeted and too big. Here we are in the almost empty house. See the funny face I am making. That's to show how gross the old house was.

So we got a new house! Here are peppy sheppys showing they can still wrestle in the new house on the pretty floor.

And here I am on the stairs that I can go down but not up so we got carpet squares for them. That's important so I can get to one of my favorite parts of the day, going to bed.

And here I am being CRAZY! When we got to the new house my brudder's crate was there but the mat was gross so we threw it out and put in my Grammie Blanket. So even though I hateables the crateables I got in so I could have my Grammie Blanket!


And here's our new fridge stocked with beers!

And this is the guest bedroom. We had to make it up because something else happened--my GranNE and Gramps came! And here's the guest bed with the quilt my Great GranNE made for my ma ape! GranNE thinks we're going to tear up and/or pee on the nice quilt. I don't know why she would think we are naughty. Just cuz last time she was here I took everything out of her bag to find the granola bar at the bottom. I was helping unpack!

And here I am with my brudder Oscar on our new rug. We look supes handsome. But Oscar has not been supes nice. He was really mean to my GranNE and Gramps like he was totally guarding the new house and he looks scary with his teeth out. It is stressed out my ma ape and she thinks she needs to do a lot of work with his guarding/stranger issues.

So we made him go for walks with them and gave him lots of snacks and now he knows that GranNE and Gramps are great. See, here is Oscar helping my GranNE do some gardening.

And then I got a NEW BOX with a NEW BED like Joe Stains' Snuggle Ball but probably bigger because I am a big guy. But the bed is REALLY big.

Which turns out to be just right for Wally.

And here is part of the backyard, one of the parts with hostas (and see the screen up there flapping in the wind? Yeah, Oscar did that.) Oh, and what is that in the hostas? Is it Oscas?

No! A corgador in the weeds!

I discovered I can crawl around under the porch like a mole. Awesome!

These are some things that happened. I am going to get some rest so I have plenty of energy to beg for snacks from GranNE and blog some more!

The Winds of Justice

They blow in my ears but NOT apparently on the DOG BLOGS.

The JURY has reached a verdict:

NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF DOOFUSITY OR MENTAL DEFECT.

He is free to doof another day.

Law(n) & Order

I call on you, the readers of my blog, to serve as jurors in this case in which the defendant is accused of high whines and misty meaners.

The accused:


The prosecutor:

The Public Defender:


The Judge (with Moose. With budget cuts we couldn't afford and judge AND prosecutor. Or a gavel.):

The victim: Ma Ape (photo approximation, actual victim in Witness Protection Program):



Here are court transcripts for you, the jurors, to consider:

Judge: Defendant, how to you plead?
Defendant: Not guilty by reason of Doofusatiude.

Judge: Mr. Prosecutor, the Evidence.
Prosecutor: For your consideration, photos of the victim immediately following the incident:

Prosecutor: How did you obtain these injuries?
Victim: The dogs were shouting at the neighbor dog. I tried to block them from the fence when the defendant...
Prosecutor: Could you point to him?
Victim: That one. That looks like a Doofus.
Prosecutor: Let the record show the victim identified the Doofus with his tongue sticking out.

Prosecutor: Then what happened?
Victim: He landed on my leg, tore my sock, and scratched my leg.
Public Defender: OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS A DOOFUS! AND HE KEEPS POKING ME WITH STICKS!


Judge: Any questions for the witness, defense?
Public Defender: I QUIT!
Judge: Please stop biting your client. Or at least bite him harder so he shuts up.

Closing Arguments:

Prosecutor: Dude's guilty as sin. Please convict and sentence him accordingly. Three years hard labor pulling me in a wagon and going to bed without dinner because I get his share.


Defendant (Now representing himself): I didn't mean to! I like to shout! Wally is short! What were we talking about???

Former Public Defender: I LIVE IN A MADHOUSE! PLEASE SEND HELP!

Judge: Jurors, your instructions are to weigh the charges carefully and record your verdict in the comments. The judge will also be accepting bribes in the forms of meatables. Please deliberate carefully.

In Which There is Further Confusion

My baby brudder Oscar was very confused that he was not invited to the Oscar ceremony. So I told him it was NOT a ceremony for Oscars but he was not appeased. So I told him perhaps his invitation was sent to another Oscar.

Or maybe Ethel swiped his invite because she is a mighty fine Oscar impersonator.

Here are some other confusing things this week in which things are like other things. My GranNE was GranCA this week because she was in Palm Desert visiting her sissy (different than my sissy) and she sent me pictures of her and my gramps as well as this pho-to:

Apparently they have been turned into MOUNTAIN SHEEP. This is a troubling turn of events. How will she feed me snacks with NO THUMBS? Can she give butt rubs with those horns?

Also this wee my ma ape is doing her best roof imitation.

She has shingles! Grody to the max, ma ape! And then I had to have a little talk with Wall-E about the difference between Wall-E and Wall-Y. As you can see from this photo, Wall-E is a space robot. I am a space alien.


So that's your Wallosophy lesson for this week. Sometimes things are like other things but there can only be one Wally.

Send help, Please!

We all know what a hopeless trollop my ma ape is, falling in love with every dog she meets at the SPCA. But today she has fallen head over heels for a hopeless brute. With floogers on his face.


She cannot resists the dudes with big heads and jowls. (Note: this picture makes him look MUCH smaller than he is. He's probably 180=200 pounds).

His feet are roughly the size of me. I could use his jowls as a blanket.

It's time for an intervention on the ma ape. STOP HER before she ADOPTS AGAIN! (More SPCA Saturday ahead...)

Dr. Wally Is On Call!

So some of you have been expressing concern about my ma ape but I assure you there is no need. Here is the state of my ma ape's health:

No, she is not actually a horse (though she has a very horsey robust hind ends), she is healthy as a horse. Well, other than the mysterious stomach ailment last Thursday night which may or may not be traceable to the kisses I gave her after eating my chicken back.

No, my ape who is feeling a bit poorly is the J Ape, the one with the nice camera that takes loverly photos of me. Since J Ape is behind the camera I don't have a picture so let's just pretend this is J Ape.

The J Ape has been having ticker problems. I am working on a theory that he has been jealous of the attention I have received on account of my ticker problems and, of course, he wants to be cool like me so he is making his heart too big, too. Dr. Wally's diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally).

It is not easy for those of us with the Big Hearts and Soulful Eyes:


I do quite good work with the medical diagnoses. For example here is my sissy:

She is fine physically, if a bit long in the legs, but she also suffers a bit from ADD inasmuch as she has some problems paying attention and it leads her to pace endlessly and lose her toys to her snotty baby brudder. Dr. Wally's Diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally.)

Here is Baby Brudder Oscar. While he is passed out in the grass here, he is fine--if a bit on the thin and leggy side--at least on the outside. Inside that head? There be dragons. This dog is loopy. Dr. Wally's Diagnosis: JELLY (of Wally).


I am certain that any national health care program will include the services of Dr. Wally. In addition to my mad skillz diagnosing I can also do a laying on of paws that will surely cure whatever ails you. Except the Wallyjelly, because I know that I am a lot to live up to. But remember, you do not need to make your heart big to be like the Wally. Just 23 hours a day of napping (with snoring), copious snackeroonies, and sibling bossery should do the trick!