man's best friend

this a lesson in why you should not be a bogart with your dog:

Feb. 17, 2005 Grapevine, Texas -- The owner of J.D. the Labrador may be wishing his dog weren't such a good retriever. Matthew Porter and two friends were playing Frisbee golf in a park Monday when a police officer who thought he smelled burning marijuana began questioning them.
As the officer was checking for outstanding warrants, J.D. waded into a nearby creek and emerged with a plastic bag containing the drug.
Porter, 25, was charged with possessing drug paraphernalia. Micah Hays, 24, was charged with marijuana possession. J.D. was turned over to the third person at the park, who faces no charges. J.D. also faces no charges.

monkey business

more fun scientific studies, this one showing that like their naked ape cousins, other apes will give up resources in order to look at certain other apes, but only really hot or powerful ones (these are often mutually exclusive--see, donald trump's hair). here's an article about it written for the regular apes and here's the original article, for science apes.

the article pointed out that you naked apes are more like your hairier cousins:

In a study titled "Monkeys Pay Per View," neuroscientists at Duke University discovered that rhesus monkeys will give up a portion of hard-earned perks for a peek at pictures of the dominant leaders and nubile females in their troop. But they won't pony up to look at faces of subordinate simians."People are willing to pay money to look at pictures of high-ranking human primates. When you fork out $3" for a celebrity magazine, [said one researcher], "you're doing exactly what the monkeys are doing."

i think, though, this shows how you naked apes are really copying the rest of us in the animal kingdom, though i guarantee we would not give up any resources to look at pictures of goddamn paris hilton. for all your culture and civilization you still just want to look at each other's butts. i guess this explains my love of dog shows, beethoven movies, and britney spears specials on e!

and i would like to congratulate carlee, the pretty german shorthaired pointer who won westminster. you would have had your butt kicked by mutts but well played anyway. sorry harry potter (my cardigan corgi friend) that you did not take the crown (though you deserved it). fortunately, the westminster kennel club posts pictures and videos of the judging online so i, just like the naked apes, can sneak a peek at some nubile canines.

let the penguin soar

i came across this article while googling "gay penguins." what?

Penguins 'have a right to be gay' By Metro 14 February 2005

Gay campaigners are demanding that a zoo stops trying to force its gay penguins to go straight.

Bosses at Bremerhaven Zoo in Germany flew in female penguins from Austria to tempt its males after discovering most were in same-sex relationships and not producing offspring.
But gay pressure group HOSI attacked 'the attempts to interfere in their natural instincts of these birds'. So far, the gay penguins have not been tempted.

shake your fabulous tail feathers my friends! my theory? these penguins have been exposed to too much gay-themed literature which an Alabama legislator has wisely proposed that we ban (don't believe me? look here.) can you think of your own anthropomorphic explanations? would you like to send your suggestions for social engineering of zoo animals? it's a fun game--try it!

be mine

if anyone is looking for a valentine, i am available. i am low maintenance and require only regular belly rubs and snacks. with the occasional "good boy" thrown in the mix, too. be aware that i am not prone to monogamy and will slather love and affection on anyone who does the same to me, especially if they have snacks.

valentine's day is a nice prelude to my birthday (which ought to be a national holiday, write your congresspersons). and this week is the westminster dog show. the new york times had an article about josh, last year's winner who is living large in retirement. josh, a newfie, looks a lot like me in the head, showing that i would clearly win if they weren't prejudiced against us mutts.

this weekend i got to go to the dog park where i did a nice job of maintaining order. i subscribe to the "broken windows" theory in which any disorder can lead to greater disorder--so whenever dogs are making too much noise, growling, or wrestling i have to break them up. unless, of course, they are running too fast for me to catch up. speaking of police, last night's simpsons stunk, but i did appreciate the king of the hill episode in which the moral of the story was ooooh, we hate cats!

happy valentines day to me!