Saturday, December 22, 2007

Get Well, Ms. La Brador!

My girl Sophie is sick for the second year in a row at Christmastime! Like my ma ape, she must be a Scrooge! There is something wrong with her (Sophie's, not my ma ape's) liver. I offered her mine, since it is already good and gin-soaked.


Here I am fretting about my blonde bombshell:

Sophie is on Anti-Bs so here I am biting a B. Just for her.

And here is a shot of my bum, just because that will surely make her feel better:

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Friday, December 21, 2007

I am not amused

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Nature Film (in pictures)

I would like to thank the girls of the Corgi Lounge for giving perhaps the most accurate description of my athletic prowess EVER:

it looks like a lion about to take down a zebra on the animal planet or discovery channel, BOL!

I'm not sure why they felt the need to burst out laughing but I'll assume it is their amusement at the zebra being TAKEN DOWN by the ferocious lion. So, in the spirit of a great nature film, I give you Nature Red in Tooth and Claw starring Wally and Ethel. Please read the narration in a pompous and booming voice. This is Mutual of Omaha's WILD WALLY KINGDOM:

This is the Ethel, one of the fastest creatures known to man or beast, known to reach speeds of 30 mph when there is a Tennis Ball at stake.

The Ethel has not only freakishly long and fast legs, she also has a fearsome set of chompers, best used for disemboweling The Tennis Ball:

The only known enemy of The Ethel is this small but ferocious beast, The Wally, a rare and precious being. See how he stalks his prey, stealthily putting his ears back to make himself both more aerodynamic and less detectable.

The Wally's preferred hunting method involves the bark and poke in which he whines, barks and eventually pounces on and pokes his prey with his nose. Can you see the fear in the eyes of The Ethel who is trying desperately to ignore her harasser.

Note The Ethel's sheer terror as she is confronted by the beast.

As she reaches for the prize--The Tennis Ball--he attacks!

He is on the prey!

The Wally moves in on his quarry-The Tennis Ball--rescuing it from the mouth of The Ethel.

Yet another successful steal in the life of The Wally, a mysterious and wondrous creature of the wild.

He leaves The Ethel to contemplate how she has been bested by this remarkable animal.

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Granny in the House!

What is this handsome surprised face for?

My granny AND gramps are coming in three weeks. I'd better get to work practicing on my begging. How's this?

My sissy and I have been busily decorating. She made two new stains in the dining room with some barf (Joe--sissy may be angling to become Queen of the Stains) while I did my bit on the stairs last week. I have also spread some stuffy fluff around the house.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Who is Faster?

Sissy is unquestionably longer.

And has the ability to change directions.

And she can occasionally defy gravity.

But I've got a secret weapon--my jet propulsion ears!

And my jetpack jowls.

And a grin that could stop anybody.

Don't let this picture fool you. I LET her get away from me. And also, I swear my sissy was named in the Mitchell report on performance enhancing drugs. She borrowed HGH from all those Yankees or else she'd have legs like mine.

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Your Smarter Cousins

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I've been meaning to blog about this but it turns out the naked apes' chimpy cousins are smarter than them! Chimps outperformed college students at memory games (no word if the college students were tested before or after the kegger):

Monkeys performed about as well as college students at mental addition, U.S. researchers said on Monday in a finding that suggests nonverbal math skills are not unique to humans.

The research from Duke University follows the finding by Japanese researchers earlier this month that young chimpanzees performed better than human adults at a memory game.

As for the teams, both were paid. Boxer and Feinstein (the chimps) got their favourite reward: a sip of Kool-Aid soft drink. As for the students, they got $10 each -- enough for a beer or two.

As if to prove the idiocy of naked apes--AP, chimps are not monkeys, they're apes!

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Worth a Thousand Words

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All's Well That Ends Well

So I was a little bummed because my friends Glenn and Amy could not visit because of a stupid Noreaster! Stupid Noreaster! I suspect their cat Katya was somehow behind the weather, conspiring to keep them home. But she'll get hers (more on that later). Glenn and Amy are belly rubbers extraordinaire and they have never even met my sissy Ethel! But they were stuck in Almost Canada. Since I'm sure they are feeling horribly deprived I thought I would fill them in on what happened while they were gone.

As usual when I am out and about, the pooperazzi were out in full force.

Some dogs played fetch and, inspired by Sophie's pearly whites, showed off their clean clean teeth:

Other dogs got beaned in the face.

Some of the finest roaching was accomplished.

And then some of the finest in chasing.

But here's the greatest news! Since my friends couldn't make it to my house they were desperate for some canine love. So they adopted this girl! Haha! Now Katya will have to put up with a dog FOREVER! Congratulations little Beagle Girl! You've found yourself a nice home. I happen to know for a fact that you've picked yourself out some softies so use those big brown eyes to wrangle maximum snackables and scritches.

So even if I didn't get visitors something good happened this weekend! The best laid plans of a cat were foiled, a dog got a wonderful home, and I got a wizzle stick to ease my disappointment.

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