What sissy did

This is a less gory recreation of what sissy did outside while my apes were making grillables.



Yes, she caught a bird and it made my apes go NOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD ETHEL!

Joe Stains, if you need help with your birdables I would be happy to put my sissy in a box and send her to you. I'm sure word has spread about the baby bird killer. So fierce is my sissy.

Here is a picture recreation of sissy being a meanie:

And here I am in the role of dead bird:

Supermodel!

The SUMDs nominated this glamour shot of me for Photo of the Month! A bunch of my pals have also been nominated and if you want to vote for any of us you should stop by The Bone Zone on Dogs With Blogs You have to be registered to vote. And doesn't this lovely mug inspire you?

Boooooks!

Maggie tagged me like a MILLION years ago to tell you about my five favorite books. I've been so slow because I am a bookish lad and I needed to think long and hard about what bookables I love to read. So I've made a list and to show my commitment to language I've decided to throw aside mathematical conventions of counting and will list some of my favoritest books. Not five. SOME. And if it bores you just scroll down 'til you get to the pictures of me as cow.

Here are some of my favorites:




This book is what it says it is! It is a HISTORY of PETS in AMERICA. It is awesome and talks about things like the evolution of dog food and our changing relationship with the naked apes and how that relates to historical trends. A little too focused on naked apes and talks about pets other than dogs (ewwww-goddamn cats!)



This book is by a feminist theorist and biologist named Donna Haraway who is so famous she gets to write books about hanging out with her dogs and reading listservs about dogs. That's what my ma ape does all day (or wants to) and she doesn't even get paid for it! She wants to get in on this gig. And also I like how it talks how apes form their selves through their relationships with US, the dogables. She has also written a book called Primate Visions that my ma ape is fond of. Because she's narcissistic and likes books about apes because she is one. Yeesh. Now back to dogs.



Ok, I'll admit I was a bit disappointed in this. I AM a philosopher's dog and so I thought this book was about me or, failing that, that looks like my pal BUSTER on the cover and that's got to be an awesome book, right? It's ok as light reading.



I admit I haven't read this book but I found it when I was looking for Donna Haraway on Amazon.com. I was curious because I thought philosophers WERE the dumb beasts (haha ma ape!).



This is Human, All too Human. by Friedrich Nietzsche. I like him because I am the ueberhund! And the title suggests being human stinks. Which it does!



This is a book called Zoontologies. That's a made up wordable! Awesome! I like the cover. And the editor's name is Cary Wolfe. Wolves are relatives of us.

Now, lest you think I am a non-fiction nerd I thought I'd share some of the fictionables that I like to read.



Ooooh. This novel has DOGS in it. Um, they don't always have a happy ending but it's still pretty awesome. It won the Booker Prize which is not nearly as prestigious as being a Wally Winner which this really is. It has some great things about ethics and animalables.

And now some less deep choices for light reading.



This book is about the Queen's corgis and how they are so awesome and the royal family (especially Charles) is kind of lame.



Paddington is a very smart little bear (from Darkest Peru) who is chub, loveable, and an eater of marmalade. He's a bit of a role model for me. My ma ape was a big Paddington Bear fan as a wee lass. She even had a Paddington costume that my granny made for her. Whoa. Sadly, she does not wear it anymore.



And Curious George! I picked this one because it's the one where he eats the puzzle piece and sometimes I have to see the doctor when I eat things I'm not supposed to (like bottles of Rimadyl). And then George huffs a bunch of ether--awesome! All I got was charcoal. And sometimes my ma ape says when I get into stuff around the house: "Wally was a good little dog. There was only one problem. He was tooooooooooooo curious."

Those are my bookables! I need to find some dogs to tag now!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

My BPP (Bull Pizzle Pal) GooberStan sent his good pal WooberWally an invaluable tool--a BPHT (Bull Pizzle Hunting Tool). He sent one to my buddy buddy IKE (also a BPP)

Can you see it?????


Yes, it is a CLEVER DISGUISE to make me look like a COW. Ike blogs about it on his blog. Here's how he looks in HIS BPHT (he says his eyes are red from a trip to the vet but I think it might be pizzle lust).



Yes, I guess Ike's waist is about the size of my neck. I would use this opportunity to suggest it might be my pizzle (and NOT my belly chub) getting in the way but this is a family blog. A very profane family that is discussing bull penises but still a family.

Here are the directions that came with the tool:



In short, our job is to LOOK like cows so that curious bulls will approach us and when they go to seal the deal--CHOMP! Fresh pizzle!

What do you think?



Could I pass?
To help in my search I have been researching the cows using the google and here is what I have found:

1) Cattles have ONE stomach with FOUR compartments. I need one of those!
2) Cattles chew their cud which is regurgitated stuff. So when the ma ape goes to clean up my barf so I don't eat it I can say "Back off my cud, ape!"
3) Cattles emit a lot of methane gas which is stinky and polluting. I already do that.
4) Cattles can get Mad Cow Disease! I think my sissy has that.

I hope this strategy will pay off. Thank you GooberStan! You shall share in the bounty of my hunting!

What He Said

Moo Tube Mania!

My pal Sherman sent us Moo Tubes which is VERY EXCITING and my ma ape wanted to give them to us right away because she thought they would be excellent for funny photo ops. She could not have been more wrong. There was nothing funny about how we ate our moo tubes. In fact, it was a lesson in dignity. Look:


In fact, I believe I look so regal the Queen would curtsy to ME.


Yup, nothing goofy here.


Even sissy kept her composure.


With only a minor bout of sillyface.


And one run in with weirdness.


I couldn't finish mine in one sitting so I stealthily hid it where no one (especially no sissy) would EVER find it. But then the ma ape was trying to figure out why the laundry basket of clothes she had just taken out of the dryer appeared to have been rifled through.


Mmmmm...moo tube fresh scent!

Everybody Loves a Big Ass

For ME?

I wanted to post about something happier than my last post so I thought I'd post about the two greatest things EVER. Food and PRESENTS. And even better, food and presents from my BFF Sherman of Jackman Ave!

Look--here I am upset because my sissy is opening MY box. Her name is NOT Wally Corgador so she is committing a FEDERAL CRIME by opening it.



But then I pulled out the letter from Sherman and Sherman said I DON'T have to share if I don't want to! Look how happy THAT made me! And look how handsome Sherman is in his picture.


But then Sherman said that Penny wants to be Ethel's BFF like Sherman is my BFF. And Ethel doesn't make girl friends often so she and Penny can be BFF. They have a lot in common like being tall and skinny and having long legs and liking to chase things. I hope Ethel does not bite my head, though.

Here Ethel makes a SILLY face while she eats her bully strap from her BFF Penny.


And here I take my bully strap that my BFF sent me. Notice how I don't make a silly face at all. So dignified.


And here I am chewing the bully strap while Toe Mato watches. Sherm sent me the Mater, too! And I don't even have to get in trouble for going into the garden for getting it!


And here is the Deedle Dee rat that makes a LOT of noise when you bite his belly. The ma ape likes when I play with this while she's going to sleep. Sherm said his mom got tired of the noise so she sent it to me! How sweet!


There's more stuff (like DIET snacks that Sherm says are just called diet for our mum's sakes and not cuz we're FAT) that I will show you later. I've gotta go play with my new toys!

Man is the Killer Ape

This is for you Michael Vick.

According to the indictment, dog fights were held at several locations in other parts of Virginia as well as North Carolina, South Carolina, Maryland and New Jersey. The indictment says a purse was set for each fight, ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars.

The indictment also claims that in the summer of 2002, at various times, Peace, Phillips, Taylor, and Vick performed "testing" sessions at the property in Smithfield. After the testing, the indictment says, dogs that performed poorly were put to death by Peace, Phillips or Taylor. In April 2007, the indictment says, an additional "testing" session was performed by Peace, Phillips, and Vick. Afterward, it claims eight dogs were hanged, drowned and/or slammed to the ground and killed.

I take it back. My poop is too good for you.

Dog Bites Bike!

My French chien are coming through for me in the Tour! My favorite rider is Chicken, aka, The Flying Dane. (I have been told he is not an actual chicken nor may Sherman and I eat his back. We will have to see about that).

Today my friend French Yellow lab did his best to sabotage other riders, and in this video you can see Monsieur La Brador taking out German rival Marcus Burghardt. (No labs were harmed in the making of this race. I cannot say the same for the bike.)











Look at how the dog knowingly glances up at the camera--oops!

Ruby Rules!

Ruby Bleu not only named me a Rockin' Guy Blogger but she made THIS rockin' picture to talk about her first experience with Wallymelon! Look! I have eaten so much Wallymelon I have BECOME ONE!

(I hope this was not a comment on my body shape--ha!)

Ruby Rules!

Clash of the Titans

Corgador vs. Lurcher.


Corgador wins.

Time Capsule Tag!

So GooberStan tagged WooberWally to list 5 things I would put in a time capsule. And at first I tried to jam as much meat and ma ape in my time capsule as possible but then the ape explained that it is not what I would want in the future but what I would want the future to know about me. So here you go, future:

1) My Cornhusker jersey



2) Pictures of my two sissies




3) Freeze-dried Wallymelon



4) Bully sticks!


5) The picture that Ike made for me of the BPP.


I will tag my pals: Tadpole, the Brat Pack, the Dogs of Jackman Ave, Marvin, and Ike!

Is it 8 p.m. yet?

Can't nap. Must stay awake. As you can see, my sissy and I are a bit OVEREXCITED??!




What's got us wound up like clocks??



Maaaaaaaaaaaa......Is it 8 p.m. yet?