pontiff-icating

by the way, i have been eagerly awaiting the call from the vatican to appoint me the next Poop. so, cardinals, get on the horn and get in touch. i have plenty of other offers from major churches, you know. if you read my blog, my vast theological training in things that look like jesus and/or the virgin mary makes me a rather hot commodity in the god business. my first act as Poop, after naming myself a saint, will be to change this chastity vow stuff because i refuse to quit trying to hump that little dog at the park who tries to hump everyone else.

incriminating photographs

WallyCat
Originally uploaded by cerasmus.

it has recently been brought to my attention that a number of incriminating photos have been taken of my cat-like behavior (which today included sprawling out in a big ole shaft on sunlight on the floor) that includes sleeping on the backs of couches and spending many hours grooming myself has been caught on film. to avoid the inevitable scandal that will rock the blogosphere i will post the pictures myself to demonstrate that i am not a felinophobe because of any possible feline tendencies myself, i just enjoy chasing them and eating their poop.

as a mea culpa to goddamn cats i would just like to say that a cat who owns some friends of mine makes an appearance on the internets today. well played, katya, well played.

giving meaning to 'oh shit'

this story made me laugh and laugh and laugh. i guess this is why there are "cat burglars" but no "dog burglars":

March 31, 2005 SAN DIEGO -- The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.
The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.
When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.
He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said.

i hope the poop bandit gets caught and punished for threatening poor old misty. i bet he'd have a good old time in prison being known as the guy who stole a bunch of shit.

more things looking like other things

here is a picture of jesus in a bathroom door. not as cool as jesus as cheese sandwich but a very creative use of anthropomorphism. since i walk around the house licking every speck i find on the floor in hopes that it is a stray piece of food i won't judge those who find comfort where they will.

what kind of dog are you?

i found this site online that includes a game you can play called "what kind of dog are you?" when i played i was a miniature bull terrier. a good mixture of toughness, stubbornness and mischeviousness in one little body. my mawma was a sealyham terrier. we don't know what that is but apparently it is from pembrokeshire, wales (same place as corgis--no accident i think) and they are described as "ready for a scrap with their rivals in spite of their diminutive size." sounds like my mawma.

go spratans!

i would like to give a shout-out to my friend mike who lives in seattle (and used to live with me and gave fine belly rubs). good luck to his michigan state spratans who are playing in the final four. the final four of what, i don't know but it appears to be something good. since my teams (the huskies and the salukis, for obvious reasons) are out so best of luck to the mean green team.

also, jay's team the memphis tigers (named after goddamned cats) are playing in the nit this week. i don't know what the "nit" is, i think i caught those once. so good luck to them winning over the nits.

anyway, it's not nebraska football but it is something. go naked apes.

barks and bites

i came across this story this morning, a good way to start off the week:

March 28, 2005 HOBART, Ind. (AP) -- While there's nothing special about U.S. Postal Service workers being terrorized by dogs, the size of one here is raising eyebrows.
Mail carriers said they were recently unable to deliver mail to homes along a section of Guyer Street in this northwestern Indiana city because of a 4.5-pound Chihuahua named Bobo.
"The little Chihuahua was 10-foot tall when he was on the street," said Florence Page of the Hobart Humane Society, which picked up the dog twice for running loose. "It's kind of comical, you know, but after a while it's not any more."
She said there were no reports of the dog actually biting anyone, however.

i started out my week with a walk and a little cat chasing. all in all, this looks like it is shaping up to be a great week.