Friday, January 07, 2005

free barney!

so barney, who lives in the white house, got a little sister named miss beasley. i hope dick cheney doesn't try to eat her. i hear he kicks puppies for exercise. i'm just saying. i feel for old barney. unless he secretly pees in bush's shoes. or takes big dumps in the oval office while el presidente naps. i sent him an "i pee on bushes" button to wear on his collar and he never sent me a thank you. it's a damn good thing that the president has ample time to make fucking promotional videos for a puppy. it's the bait and switch presidency--like when we get in the car to go the dog park and end up at the vet. yes, our new attorney general is a guy who happens to like torture but look! we like cute puppies! seriously, naked apes, you voted for him. and still you think letting animals vote would be bad. could we do any worse?

but, seriously, how great would it be to be a presidential pet?
my favorite white house pets:
1. yuki, mutt, owner of lbj and a wonderful singer (like me)
2. him and her, beagles, also owned lbj
3. fala, terrier, who owned FDR.
4. pete, a bull terrier, owned Teddy Roosevelt, pulled down the French ambassador's pants once. hehehehehehe. it's extra funny because he's french. (don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are french and i love their fries)
5. buddy (RIP), a lab and bill clinton's only pal after the Stained Dress. seriously, dogs will forgive anything. unless you forget our dinner. But why do they call it the doghouse? wouldn't be awesome to be in a house with dogs?

the most awesome political dogs? are british. maybe royalty isn't so bad. short legs rule!
barney, you can come live with me. miss beasley, too. but don't try to be cuter than me.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Dogs that do more than blog

I'm still real bummed about the tsunami. poor naked apes. apparently animals--the non-human kind--can sense natural disasters and many of them survived because they ran away from the ocean when they sensed a change in atmospheric pressure. i guess that's our evolutionary trick--we know when to get out of dodge. when my pal morgan senses a thunderstorm coming she starts to cry and tries to get under the bed. she's kind of afraid of everything, though--tsunamis, thunderstorms, trains, things falling off the coffee table, herself. that's kind of evolution run amok.
this story made me feel a little better--a dog that helped out his pals the naked apes. we know better than to bite the hand that feeds us. i have to say, though, it's about time you stupid humans got with the program and started recognizing our god-like qualities.