I call on you, the readers of my blog, to serve as jurors in this case in which the defendant is accused of high whines and misty meaners.
The Public Defender:
The Judge (with Moose. With budget cuts we couldn't afford and judge AND prosecutor. Or a gavel.):
The victim: Ma Ape (photo approximation, actual victim in Witness Protection Program):
Here are court transcripts for you, the jurors, to consider:
Judge: Defendant, how to you plead?
Defendant: Not guilty by reason of Doofusatiude.
Judge: Mr. Prosecutor, the Evidence.
Prosecutor: For your consideration, photos of the victim immediately following the incident:
Prosecutor: How did you obtain these injuries?
Victim: The dogs were shouting at the neighbor dog. I tried to block them from the fence when the defendant...
Prosecutor: Could you point to him?
Victim: That one. That looks like a Doofus.
Prosecutor: Let the record show the victim identified the Doofus with his tongue sticking out.
Prosecutor: Then what happened?
Victim: He landed on my leg, tore my sock, and scratched my leg.
Public Defender: OBJECTION! MY CLIENT IS A DOOFUS! AND HE KEEPS POKING ME WITH STICKS!
Judge: Any questions for the witness, defense?
Public Defender: I QUIT!
Judge: Please stop biting your client. Or at least bite him harder so he shuts up.
Prosecutor: Dude's guilty as sin. Please convict and sentence him accordingly. Three years hard labor pulling me in a wagon and going to bed without dinner because I get his share.
Defendant (Now representing himself): I didn't mean to! I like to shout! Wally is short! What were we talking about???
Former Public Defender: I LIVE IN A MADHOUSE! PLEASE SEND HELP!
Judge: Jurors, your instructions are to weigh the charges carefully and record your verdict in the comments. The judge will also be accepting bribes in the forms of meatables. Please deliberate carefully.
Labels: ethel, ma ape, naughty, oscar, Wally