The Fourth of Joooooo-ly.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The fourth of July is a mixed bag as holidays go. On the one hand, I hate the goddamn firecrackers and they make me feel like this:

I mean, my ma ape was so scared she had to sleep on the floor with me and she was shaking so hard it made ME shake. Jeez. But then there are also a lot of snackables and grilling outside that makes me feel like this:

Like these. These are mojitos!

And look at this! A vegetable salad and a steak! And that steak was for US! But there was one steak for THREE dogs. How does that make sense? I'm telling you--no one around here can do math but me.

And look! Here is where part of our Wallymelon went. Into the biggest fruit salad in the WORLD.

And some of it went here--Oscar's first Wallymelon.

We all ate some, especially me.

And while the food was a-grillin' we got BONES.


Oscar loved his.


But he was very protective of it.


While I savored mine like a gentleman.


Now leave me alone with my din-dins, pooperazzi. It's like the damn Ivy around here. (pssst--did you get my good side?)

Meet ME, Oscrrrrrrrrrrr

Yo dudes!



MG! It's me--OSCRRRRRRRR.

Wally sez I can blog but it's only cuz we've been arguing because I want to get my own MYSPACE but Wally sez I'll just stay up all night hitting on chicks who are really creepy weirdos. It sounds AWESOME.

This is me with big brudder Wally and Monkey Stick and piles of stuffy innards:

Wally teaches me stuff like how not to grab his legs and how to ask for snacks. Sometimes we play this game with monkey stick and Ethel and Wally sings "The Humpy Dance is a chance to do the HUMP." Here are the rules of the game: Wally can hump me, Ethel can hump my head, I can hump Ethel but NO ONE humps Wally EVER.

Ethel is my big sis and we play bitey face and humpy face and chasey face. Too fun, man! Wally sez Ethel is a COUGAR because I'm totes just a baby but I think she's actually a DOG. But I don't know. Here I am with my other friend BULL. E. STICK. Wally taught me how to eat those and also how not to steal them from big brudder and big sissy. But I don't remember how to do that.

Wally sez that my name is literary and my ma ape has read about many Oscars in book. When she was a pup she read Oscar the Dachshund and Oscar the Seal. But my name comes from Oskar in THIS book:

Oscar is a little boy who refuses to grow up and also he can shatter glass with his SCREAM. And what do I love to do? SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!

Later, dudes!

P.S. I still want a MYSPACE because it has glitter backgrounds and music and I don't have to bother with all these WRRRRRRRRRDS. OMG!

Hey laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies!

Look what I got for the Fourth of July! I am ready for some FIREWORKS, baby!

Even Monkeys Get the Blues

Look at these chunky monkeys. They have to go on a diet.



Though I'm a little confused. I am so obviously not three times my normal weight. Why am I on a diet??? And how do I get tourists to visit me and feed me tasty snacks???

Science Says We Have to!

Yesterday I read this scienterrific study that says that Wallymelon is good for your ticker and--more importantly--your LIBIDO! And the scientists even compared its effects to VIAGRA:

In watermelons, these include lycopene, beta carotene and the rising star among its phyto-nutrients – citrulline – whose beneficial functions are now being unraveled. Among them is the ability to relax blood vessels, much like Viagra does.

I can add some anecdata that Wallymelon, especially when served with Randi, Samantha, or the Corgi Girls (just to name a few), most definitely has an effect on my libido! Most def good for my ticker.

P.S. Also I have to give many thanks to Ms. Ruby who made me this picture that is a CLASSIC!

Petition for Redress of Grievances

My ma ape is not world renowned for her math skills. But she appears to have a great deal of confusion when it comes to the dinner time. See, Oscar gets THREE chicken backs, Ethel gets TWO, and I get.....ONE!!!

What is wrong with this picture?

As you can see--I am the smallest and thus I should be getting the most chicken backs so I can grow bigger! Duh.

And as you can see, my brother is a snotty teenager:

Real original. He doesn't know how to do the tongue maneuver with panache.

Boredom tongue:

The tongue of disdain:


The tongue of mild annoyance.

Jeez. Will that kid ever learn?

Dogs Around the World

Look at this story about a woman in China who runs an animal rescue wit over 900 dogs and 100 cats. And she rescued 100 dogs in Chengdu after the earthquake.

I especially liked this quote:

"Chinese people prefer purebred dogs and the mixes probably won't be adopted," said Chen, adding that she cares for every dog until it dies. "But mutts are the most intelligent and the most affectionate. They really appreciate you."

And listen to THIS story:

One of her superstar mutts from the quake zone was a small, brown, short-haired terrier with alert brown eyes named "Qianjin," or "Forward." Rescuers said Forward and another dog — a shelty named "Guai Guai" — belonged to an elderly woman who was partially buried in rubble at a Buddhist temple that collapsed in the city of Pengzhou. The dogs stayed with their master while she was trapped for 196 hours.

"The rescuers told me the dogs were drinking rain water, then they would lick their owner's lips to help keep her from getting too dehydrated," Chen said.

Dogs rule!

SPCA on Saturday!

It's time for another tour of the ole SPCA and the dogs that could live in YOUR HOUSE. This week there were lots and lots of new ones which is totes sad but my ma ape says they are also overrun with goddamn cats and while I know that I am not supposed to like the goddamn cats it is very sad to see so many in the shelter I wish people would do the ole snip n' nip with their pets to avoid filling shelters with homeless goddamn kitties. Ahem, on to the dogs.

Chase. This little dude likes to play and is very photogenic.


Doug is a lab mix and this picture captures his personality pretty well. He's very excited about everything.


Paloma. She is an exotic beauty who wears eye makeup on one eye. She also likes to sit on people.


This dude is Rudy! He was my ma ape's favorite. He's a bit long in the tooth but that makes him a calm and nice gentleman. He loves getting pets and maxing and relaxing in the shade. He liked to rest his head on my ma ape's shoulder which is much more polite than my baby brudder who likes to rest his head in her crotch.


This is Cheyenne who recently had a litter of pups (spay and neuter, folks!) and she has a hilarious scream/squeal when she's excited. She's very friendly.


This is Bear! My ma ape thought he would be a good Sherman but he already had a name. He is HUGE and has a bad habit of giving bear hugs. But he's loveable and likes to play.


And then there's our old friend Big Red.

My ma ape was a little P.O'd because he had gotten adopted but they brought him back. First they said he lunged at children (which was surprising because he was nice at the shelter) but then they said that he lunged at teenagers (who doesn't, really?) and then when they brought him back they had a little beagle mix puppy. So, as it turns out, he didn't lunge--they just found a dog they wanted more. And then they wanted their money back. Sigh. People can be so dumb and I wish they would just be honest when they bring dogs back and remember that your lie could mean that a dog gets put down or misses out on being adopted because you were too embarassed to admit to a total stranger that you were impulsive. OK, that is the end of today's lecture.

Fortunately Big Red was no worse for the wear:

And I was not as jealous this week because when my ma ape got home she gave us all bully straps. Yup, I still got it.