Even Monkeys Get the Blues

Look at these chunky monkeys. They have to go on a diet.



Though I'm a little confused. I am so obviously not three times my normal weight. Why am I on a diet??? And how do I get tourists to visit me and feed me tasty snacks???

Secret Plans. Shhh!

I've been quiet lately owing to very important, top secret, classified activities. I can't tell you what but you might want to read this story in the New York Times: "Monkeys control robot arm with their thoughts."

It is not long before my army of monkeys and robot arms will be able to open the freezing box for me. And then what use will my ma ape be? Oh right, a robot arm will not be so useful in the middle of the night when it is thundering. Not so good for snuggling.

Naked apes, you've been warned. We will control you with our minds and our monkeys and our robot arms. You need us more than we need you.

Monkeys on the Rise!

Monkeys killed Delhi's deputy mayor, a follow-up to their 2001 invasions of Delhi government buildings.

Don't say I didn't warn you, naked apes!

Discrimination

Both my onkel Eric (an ape and ape afficionado) and my granny sent me this story about a dude who smuggled a monkey under his hat! He flew from Florida to New York and didn't get caught until some passenger saw the monkey on his ponytail. That's some quality airport security! Though I'm not sure why human apes are ok but little monkeys are not. Since the flight attendants described the little dude as quiet and not disruptive, I would guess Mr. Marmoset was much less likely to get tipsy, demand more bags of pretzels, pinch the flight attendant's butt and then spend the rest of the flight in the toilet. I'm just saying.

But, I've been trying to figure out what kind of a hat my ma ape needs if she is going to smuggle me onto airplanes. Maybe one of these: