Bloodsuckers!

It's Friday the 13th and look what my ma found on me!


Yes--a vampire! A little bloodsucking beast attached itself to my cheek. It scared my ma and led to a thorough body check and vigorous belly-rubbin'. I think she was looking to see if I had any zombies or frankensteins hidden in there. I need more garlic to make me less attractive to the bloodsuckers, I guess.

I'm so embarassed. My sister is calling me tickhead and keeps telling me that while it was drinking my blood I probably didn't get enough oxygen to the brain and now I have brain damage. Takes one to know one, SISTER!

Yeah, I'm ticked.

The Stuffy Graveyard

Ode to a Pile of Dead Stuffies

Oh stuffies, your squeakers once so proud
You made me angry when you squawked too loud

I tore your stitched bits asunder
Your inner softness I did plunder

Greenie frog with voicebox in bum
(Squeaking from your butt is a bit dumb)

Christmas hedgie once with hat on head
Nothing left but brown shell, you're dead

Mini wiener dog your skin was too thin
I reflect on what a friend you might have been

And grey elephant with your quiet grace
I got mad so I tore off your face

Squeakies, oh squeakies, you gave me hours of play
Your mortality makes me ask, who will be my victim today?

Friday's Corgadors

Meet Zachary! He's actually a Sharporgi (or maybe a Porgi Bull Terror?) Cute, eh?

Look at these puppies! They used to be homeless in Alabama but now they're in New Jersey (poor, poor puppies--ha! Kidding!) and looking for new homes. My ma ape finds chunky legs/feet irresistible so someone please go adopt them before she can get her grubby paws on them and puts me on babysitting duty!

Wet Wally

It's raining cats and dogs outside and I still have to go for a walk. Look how pleased I am about having to spend the morning all damp. Someone fetch me a spot of tea and some scones, please! Eh, scratch the tea. A plate of pastries should suffice.

Good Night Mr. Vonnegut.

I got up this morning with an e-mail from my granny letting me know that novelist Kurt Vonnegut died. What a bummer. He wrote books. He liked dogs. All in all, not a bad life.

Cabin/Spring Fever

So, I'm mad. It's spring and I know that April showers bring May flowers and that crap but it's 40 degrees, damp and I'm MAD. I may have taken some of my frustrations out on squeaky frog. But look how I can make my eyes match my squeakies. Cool, eh?



I started pulling stuffing out his butt and then I was worried I'd get in trouble for ruining ANOTHER toy so I hid (with him) under the table. Look how remorseful I am.


I apologized to froggie and we're cool now.

Wally, Political Prisoner

My ma ape learned today from a friend of hers in Beijing that my blog is BLOCKED in China! They must worry that I am the purveyor of truthiness, the master of righteousness, and the fighter for freedom and justice around the world!

Or maybe they were shocked by the picture of my perfect bum?

Rescue Me

The NYT Magazine has an article this week called "New Tricks" about how with an increasing demand for dogs (yay!), more are winding up in shelters (boo!). And often their ill-prepared former owners never trained them so the dogs are a bundle of behavioral problems. So they talk about how shelters are finding new ways to market to, attract, and match up new owners with potential adoptees. It's a shame we can't do behavioral testing on the naked apes and, more importantly, put them to work in ape obedience classes. "Sit! Stay! Make dinner! Stop surging!"

I found my mawma via Petfinder. My picture was awful and did not capture my photogenic nature. I refused to sit up for the camera and kept rolling over when they approached me with the camera. And yet that picture was PERFECT for my ma ape. And so, I rescued her. She's darn lucky, too. I don't know what she did with herself before me.

What the Easter Bunny Brought

Bones! (these are not the bones of the easter bunny, however).

An Easter Corgador

Meet Cecil. He's a corgador in Arlington, VA. His legs are so short they're almost just feet! AWESOME!

Sunday Funday

So it's Sunday which means a day with the apes. BO-RING! So we had to find ways to entertain ourselves.

I took my seal for a walk.


I took pictures of my sis for Maxy V. He is shorter than her so photos from my vantage point give him a good idea of what it will be like to gaze up into her eyes.


I decided to teach my sis to blow raspberries.


She got a little too much tongue into it and drooled all over herself.


And then we got wild and rampaged around the house. It was a great way to convince the apes that....


We need to play in the outisde! My sis is excited...


As usual, she pounced on the ball.


And mooshed it in her mouth (No gentle mouthed dog is she! Don't say I didn't warn you, Max.)


But someone wound up with the ball in the end.


I also had a little water refreshment from my foldable bowl.


And, since everyone else is doing it, here's a picture of my bum! Nice, eh?


I hope everyone got woooonderful things from the Easter Bunny.