Footballin'!

What time is it? FOOTBALL TIME! That means I get out my favorite jersey. And I get to teach the NEW APE about the BIG RED.


Even sissy Ethel loves football season. And my bum--look she's totally checkin' out my fine rear here.


Is it TIME YET?


My jersey says three things. "Wally" "Huskers" and "1." That is because two things are number one--Wally and the Cornhuskers.

I was SO MAD when I heard that the Cornhuskers game was not on the teevee but then the ma ape said we could have lamb shanks to eat so that worked out ok.


And after I ate I had to practice my football. Look at me fast like a Hoosker!


Try and tackle THIS!


And a special note to my friend Gertie who is (forced to be) a Michigan Wolverines fan. It's ok to laugh at your team for losing to Appalachian State. It is a little embarrassing to lose to a team who isn't even IN your division. I won't rub it in your face. Except to say that the Delaware Blue Hens would like you to turn in your blue/yellow helmets which you have shamed.

Wally's Eye View

My sissy was feeling vain and she asked me to take some snaps of her so I borrowed the camera-amera and took a few. Here is sissy from a Wally's eye view (roughly the same as the world seen by Ernest, I suspect):

Serious Ethel:


Goofy Ethel:


AHHHHH! Help!

Some of you have asked about the Big Ass. Here it is, as fluffy and luscious as ever:

Update on the Big Honking Ape

Some of you (Lorenza and Poppy) have expressed some concern about the well-being of Big Honking Ape (my supersweet prezzie from Sparky) because of the copious amounts of stuffing in the picture with him. Have no fear! The stuffing was the innies of my old weenie who has been bisected and his insides thoroughly inspected. (Note: photo may be disturbing to those who insist on intact stuffies and/or wiener dogs. Lorenza and Luckie--avert your eyes!)

Here is my old wiener, now in TWO parts (though, sadly, I must report that unlike worms, wieners cannot live after being cut in two). Also in this picture is Skelweenie (The Big Bone) who is healthy and thriving and laughing at Dead Weenie.


Here I am with my handiwork!


And here I am with Big Honking Ape--still in good shape!


And ready to play!

And I have found that his Honking noise is even COOLER at 5 a.m. when one or both apes are trying to sleep. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK.

Every Day is like my Burpday

Today I got a box from Mr. Spartacus Puggle! I was so excited my lights went on!


Back off, sissy! Your name is not on MY box. (Also, as you can see in the background, my sissy cleared the entire coffee table with her tail on the way to check out MY box. Naughty naughty sissy).


The box was FULL of eatables including some PB BISCUITS. I tasted them and enthusiastically approved! Some dried fruitable snacks (which I love and my sissy is indifferent too--yay! That's the best kind of snack. The kind I don't have to share). I also got a Doggy Danish and some BULLY PIECES! Mmmm. Bully chunks. Doesn't that sound tasty?


Sissy likes Bully Chunks.


Wally loves Bully Chunks!


But the best part was GIANT HONKING GORILLA APE! I had one of these a few years ago until my ma ape came home and found him beheaded, un-honked, de-squeakered and unstuffed. She has learned to put my nice toys up while she's gone. (If she's gone too long I get mad and rip up my toys. Seems a little self-defeating but I stand by my strategy). So this ape should last me! HONK!


Look how excited my ears are!


And here I am with the Sparky picture he sent me. I am giving him a big kiss "thank you." THANKS MAN!

The Devil in Me

We have been watching Jekyll on BBC America. It's an updating of the Jekyll and Hyde story which is, of course, about a scientist who invents a potion that brings out his wild (and homicidal) side. I asked my ma ape if she thinks I have a Hyde (the naughty one). She suggested that I might BE Hyde! She claims to have photographic evidence (note, all these photos were taken in a 10 minute span).

The one-eyed beast:

Both eyes activated:


Glowing red, looking ominous:


And, a festive monster!

The always exciting world of foodables.

My ma ape went to the store where she gets our HEARTABLES. Oh we love heartables. But my ma ape came home with heartables and vegetables!

Here is what she called a hiccup? Hic-um-up? Dunno. That's a whole one and then there are cut up ones in the bowl. I was not impressed. But I ate it anyway.


And then--something familiar!

But....whaaaaaaaaa?

It's yelly wallymelly!


We each got a bowl of it but the ma ape made us SIT and WAIT.


I got so mad I started shouting at her and become possessed by the spirit of the Great Yelly Wallymelly. Look at me! So patient and yet so hungry.


Finally after all the ape shenanigans I got to dig in! Sadly, there was not enough wallymelly to spell any names. Maybe we should have tried "Ike"


Even ETHEL wanted Wallymelly! She's so messy when she eats.

While I think I prefer the red wallymelly but I still got into Zen eating mode. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


And I even did my own dishes.

I Got Served

My ma ape says that my mouth has been writing checks my football team can't cash. I don't know what she's talking about cuz I always use her plastic. But my Philadelphia Beagles got SMOOOOOSHED by the Spitsburg Stealers. Good thing it's preseason!

But things worked out for me. Because my ma ape turned this:


Into this! Homemade pizzables! Mmmmm. My ma ape must have gone to Hogwarts to learn that.


This is me giving my Tastyable seal of approval to the pizzables. MMMMMMMM.


Also, I got to wear my bull pizzle outfit ALL DAY which was totally awesome so it wasn't so bad. A lot of dogs have said they don't know about football so I am going to work on Wally's Guide to Football. I'll give away the biggest secret about football: much more important than the game is the fact that the apes eat SNACKABLES during the game and they get excited and drop a lot and also when they aren't paying attention you can help yourself.

Gonzo is Gone!

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is resigning! The Bush administration is dropping faster than flies around a Turd Blossom. When asked why he was resigning, Gonzales remarked "I do not recall." Oh, I crack myself up.

For those who are not acquainted with Mr. Gonzales, he is the Attorney General and White House Council who referred to the Geneva Conventions as "quaint." And also appears to be suffering from serious memory lapses brought on by testifying in front of Congress. He should get that checked out.

Here I am celebrating in my best cow(boy) outfit and a deflated soccer ball:


And for those of you who are Daily Show/Colbert Report fans--they're on vacation this week! Tee hee! Do you think the timing was deliberate?

WINK

My sissy and I are learning to wink so we can flirt with our lovie dovies (you know who you are).

Subtle yet sexy.


Almost, Ethel, almost.

RAN-DAYYYYYYY!

Every Sunday is Randay cuz my friend Randi gets to do whatever she wants. She got to try WALLYMELON and then LOOK WHAT SHE DID! This is the greatest edible work of art EVER made:



I am humbled.

I am ready for some TAUNTING!

Tonight is SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. Ok, it's preseason so the game means nothin' EXCEPT that the Philadelphia Beagles are playing! And they are one of my favoritest teams! And it is even more important because they are playing the Pitts-burg Stealers! So that means that I have to be all tuff and trash talk with two of my best pals who happen to be Stealers fans--Joe Stains and the Shermanator (of Jackman Ave). And also my Onkel Eric.

So--are you ready guys?

Oh snap!

Look how tuff I am with my FOOTBALL.


And here I am in my EAGLES jersey that may look like "random green t-shirt from my ma ape's drawer" but is really a retro Eagles jersey, I SWEAR. And I don't know why I decided to put on my bull pizzle hunting outfit but it just seemed like it would make me look tuffer--dressing like a cow and wearing my ma ape's t-shirt--TUFF:


And here I am singing the Eagles song "FLY Eagles FLY, on the road to VICTORY." (And I'm trying to get the variations on "Chocolate Rain" from Ike's blog out of my head):


And my sissy wants to get in on the taunting cuz she LOVES taunting. And she has a new football cuz she shredded her old one.


And here's my tuffest stare-down with my mini-bull pizzle.


Fly Eagles Fly! On the road to victory! Eat Wally eat! Football season means more snacks!