Thursday, December 01, 2005

now you tell me

this might have helped me over thanksgiving with my little gut expansion problem: scientist cook up cure for cow flatulence.

i know i'm not a cow but i felt as big as one. and smelled as bad, too.

that's science for you. always a day late and a dollar short.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

news i like

here's what i read about today:

new panda cub (i like pandas because i look like them.) you can pay a lot of money for a ticket or watch it on panda cam. don't overdose on the cute.

scientists take interest in competitive eaters. they might want to study me. i had a wicked bout with gas last wednesday (i know! before thanksgiving!) that kept me (and my family) up all night. here is a highlight from the article:

"At the Glutton Bowl, I consumed over seven pounds of cow brains," he said. He placed third.

how can you not be interested in reading about that?

and cnn editorializes about dick "puppy kickin'" cheney.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

huskers bite buffaloes

congratulations to the big red who ran the buffs all over the field on friday. i've been celebrating ever since which may be the reason for my chronic indigestion. nice job by the klassy kolorado fans who got tossed from the game after tossing water bottles and other debris on the field during the fourth quarter. i guess the reputation for raping and generally being misogynist was simply not sophisticated enough, might as well take your hooliganism public. so it's nice to see them go down 30-3 to a team that lost by 25 points to kansas just a few weeks ago! couldn't have happened to a more evil team. well, maybe florida state (who also lost--ha!) it was a wally weekend.

a bit ironic

bad news for an advocate of a dangerous dog bill:

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - The author of a new state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend after his own dog attacked him.
Bob Schwartz, who also is Gov. Bill Richardson's crime adviser, was hospitalized at University of New Mexico Hospital on Sunday night with bites on both his arms, said Pahl Shipley, a spokesman for the governor.

A hospital spokeswoman declined to release Schwartz's condition, but Shipley said Schwartz is "going to be fine."

Schwartz has three dogs registered with the city: a boxer and two English bulldogs, said Denise Wilcox, who oversees Albuquerque's animal care centers.

Schwartz was instrumental in getting a law passed during this year's regular legislative session that would allow felony charges to be filed against owners of dogs deemed dangerous or potentially dangerous and that seriously injure or kill another animal or person.

unecessary surgery

a vet in brazil specializes in plastic surgery for dogs:

"Plastic surgery is good for dogs!" said Brito, 45, a Doberman breeder who has worked as a veterinarian for 20 years.

He can make protruding ears droop and uses Metacril to straighten bent ears. He uses Botox to fix inverted eyelashes. He has even tightened the mammillae of a couple of female dogs, whose owners wanted to show them after they had given birth.

i guess some dogs might need it. but clearly this face already approaches, no achieves, perfection.