Saturday, October 06, 2007

What a day!

It was an exciting day! I had to eat the moozle I had not eaten the night before. Mmmmmrrrrph. Good!

And sissy and I had to go on a walkabout but it was HOT and I didn't want to stay out very long. Too humid!

And my ma ape went to visit my friend Buko and she said I couldn't go because I might be mean and steal Buko's duck jerky. But in Buko's honor--and to get ready for tonight's football game (Nebraska vs. Mo-ssouri) my ma ape made mini Buko (Coconut) pies with raspberryable Ns! And tonight not only are the Hooskers playing but also the Cubbies and the Phillies (not against each other, though at least that would mean that ONE of my teams would be winning!)

Man, I can't WAIT to see what we get to eat for tomorrow's Stealers/Seahawks game. Go 'hawks!

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Exclusive Interview! by Tad!

I thought that maybe this interview would probably be bought by Vanity Fair but they haven't called yet. Here is an EXCLUSIVE--a big interview by TADPOLE:

1) ETHEL, what do you think about all day long? Clue us in on what goes on in that frantic little mind of yours!

Ethel: Look at me thinkerating! Here is what I'm thinking: tennis balls, tennis balls, things covered in tennis ball fuzz, tennis balls, wally, tennis balls, wally covered in tennis ball fuzz, tennis balls, bunnies, tennis balls, deers, wally, tennis balls

Wally: Tad, I see you are wise emphasizing the little mind.

2) WALLY, are you lobbying to get "Corgador" accepted by the AKC? Describe what the breed standard would be.

Excellent question, Tad. I have mixed feelings about the AKC. On the one hand, they are biased and refuse to let me compete because a) they are breedist b) I am sans some important bits and c) I would win every time. On the other hand, I do like shiny trophies and I'd love to be a pageant girl, especially if I could be like Miss USA and wind up in rehab.

But here's the potential breed standard:
Height: 19 inches.
Length: 29 inches stem to stern (not counting tail).
Weight: Should be around 150, actual around 43 pounds.
Head: Enormous (to fit a constantly expanding brainable)
Walk: Jaunty
Speed: Superfast, possibly supersonic when running to the kitchen when the fridge door is opened
Coat: Lovely silky black with some salt n' pepper in the tail and headable area. White patch on chest preferred.
Teeth: Some.
Unique features: Fluffy and pert bum, beautiful howlin' voice, must roach regularly.

3) WALLY, you coin many terms that we lesser dogs adopt into our everyday language (meatables, wallymelon, etc). What's it like to be such an important DWB cultural leader?

First, I'd like to say that there are no lesser dogs. Only naked apes and cats. Tad, I'd like to think that I've introduced many dogs to new foodables and languageables, though as with any great artist I am inspired by my audience.

4) WALLY, we all know how much you love your foodables. What's the worst foodable your Ma Ape could make you eat? (hypothetically, of course - we know she could never MAKE you do anything....)

Oh jeez. This is a HARD question. Not only because my ma ape could never make me do anything but I can't really imagine food that I don't like! I have eaten wasabi peas and sheets of nori and grapefruitables and spinachables, you name it, I've probably eaten it.

So I will have to say--NOTHING. If my ma ape fed me nothing, that would be the worst thing EVER.
5) WALLY, your sissy Ethel occasionally has a slightly manic aura about her in pictures. Are you ever frightened of her unpredictability and slightly bizarre behaviors?

Afraid of this Tad? I could see where you might think this. She is crazy. But the truth is--she is afraid of everything, including herself sometimes. (Maybe not afraid of tennis balls or deers). And, frankly, I rule the roost. I decide when, where, and how we're going to play. I get to clean the dinner bowls. And if she ever doesn't do what I want I just tattle on her cuz I'm totally a mama's boy and she'll take my side because who could say no to this face?

Thanks for the great questions, Tad! Have you ever considered doing this professionally? Interviewing me, I mean.

If YOU'D like to be interviewed, let me know! Here are the rules:

1. If you are interested in being interviewed, leave me a comment saying, 'interview me' along with your pee-mail address.

2. I will respond by posting five questions for you. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

What the?

All right. I want to know right now which one of you got the GOP elephant drunk, leading it to apparently rear up and CRUSH 2008, all while wearing his prison stripes! Maybe if you go to rehab you can have your party and Britney Spears's children back, oh errant pachyderm.

And speaking of rampaging beasts, read this from Ann Coulter:

If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and “We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’’

I must confess it saddens me to no end that we dogs continue to be disenfranchised while this woman not only gets to vote but gets a syndicated column. My sissy has emitted gas clouds (see below) that are more intelligent than this gas bag.

This is my look of disapproval. Naked apes, is this all you've got?

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Something Lighter

When you need a little cheering up is there anything better than a smelly bum joke?

Peeeeeeee Yoooooooooou!

And while my ma ape considered repairing the Big Ass, its decapitated head has become some sort of elaborate signaling method between me and my sissy. All play is initiated with an offering of The Head.

The Big Ass is dead! Long live the Big Ass!

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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Goodnight, Greatgranny

This is a picture of my great granny and my granny. My great granny passed away this afternoon. I only got to meet her once but my ma ape loved her so she must have put the great in granny. Good night, great granny, and we send Wally smooches to my granny.

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Stan IS the Man!

Last night we came home from walkies there were not one but TWO boxes for Wally T. Corgador waiting on the porch!

The first? From Only Natural Pet Products. It was fully of my ticker meds and hot spot spray for my itchies. BO-RING!

But the second was from KANSASS! And what lies near the borders of Kansas? The Republic of GOOOOOBERSTAN! And inside the box was a letter with SMOOCHES from my StanMan AND a GREAT magnet of him at his athletic best. Look! We put him on my freezing box right at my height (for when I need emergency smoocheroonies).

And the box was a box FULL OF NOSES! How awesome is THAT. There were moozles and snoozles and beef puffs (of unknown origin). He said he ordered them from in NEBRASKA! Sweet! My granny is in Nebraska. Do you think I could order her on the internets and have her arrive on my doorstep in a box? I will look into this. (You can try, too, Stan, but then you guys have to visit me. I don't like to share). Inside the box were TWO of everything cuz Stan is jealous that I have a sissy so he's nice to mine. Look at all this stuff!

But I'm SO MAD because he sent my sissy her FAVORITE thing--squeaky balls! She runs around the house squeaksqueaksqueak until she kills the d**&(*($% squeaky. Only I get to squeak! I also got two bananadanas. My sissy is indifferent to them but I'm a bit of a dandy and love to get dressed up. One is a cool hula bunny (is that some cultural icon, Stan?) and the other is RED for the HOOOOOSKERS.

Here's the problem with sissies, Stan. They try to snake your snoozle!

Be patient, sissy one. We both get snoozles!

I approve. Heartily!

Sissy enjoys as well.

I loved mine so much I didn't even notice my ma ape putting on the bananadana while I was chewing!

Thanks so much Stan for introducing us to the new wonderful food of NOSES. Now i know if I get hungry I can always do a little nibbling on my ma ape's shnozz. She can consider it free rhinoplasty.

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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Not So Lazy Sundays

On Ran-day we have to do what we want! And so we went to the field and I saw this:

It's hard to tell what it is but it is a sock in a tree. Or maybe a sock tree. Someone is trying to grow their own tube socks which is kind of silly since you can get packs of ten for $2. Apes, can't live with 'em, can't open the fridge without 'em.

All sissy wanted to do was fetch fetch fetch:

And again...

But what is this? In-ter-ception! D-fence! D-fence!

Aaaaaand...he's off!

And it was a good day for watching sports as well as playing them.

Sissy smiled.

And I smiled!

Why? Cuz 1) I picked the Women's World Cup winners! The Deutschland! and 2) the Phillies made the playoffs! (in baseball, not in women's soccer) Yay! Ran-day is the best day of the week. To celebrate? Chicken-sicles for dinner!

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Unwelcome Visitors

Lately I've been doing a lot of this.

And this (roaching while grimacing)

And feeling like this.

The culprit is a deadbeat named Al Urgee who squats in places where he is not welcome. Last month he made my friend Stan feel like this:

What a jerk! (Al, not Stan who is a stand up fellow!) I think Al must have stolen my address from Stan and come for a visit. He's been hanging out in my ma ape's nose and he's been making me itchy. I have some bald patches and scabs from scratching so much. We had some images of Al enlarged and saw THIS:

AHHHH! No wonder I'm so irritated! Get this dude offa me! My ma ape has been slipping me some bennies! This dude Benny Drill has helped me sleep through the night and make me less irritated and irritable. It's been working a bit. I hope Benny chases Al off so I can leave him


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