Boys With Big Hearts

Bill Clinton had to go to the vet today to get treatment for his heart after chest pains. I have to go to the vet again tomorrow--after two days where we couldn't leave our house--because my heart is not getting better. I am, as they say, one sick puppy.


We have had some LOUSY weather here in Dela-Where that has trapped us in the house (and my ape with a shovel in her hand). The snow was so deep we almost lost the sheppys!


I have not been so sick that I can't do my part clearing the snow

Mmmmmmmm. Wudder Ice. (I do recommend avoiding the lemon ones).

And when I got filled up with snow I cleared some space by roaching.


I do look good in Nor'easter!

Pawlidarity

One of my number one ladies Randi had surgery today to remove some lumps and bumps and while she is waiting for her results we are all going to keep our paws crossed hoping for the best. Yes, it will make our walks and lifting our legs more complicated but we can do it!

Now, Randi had one lump removed from her side that she is a bit self-conscious about.

So I am reposting FRANKENWALLY to show her that all the best dogs are doin' it!

And then I KNOW this will make her feel better!

That's why they call me Nurse Wally! When I get that feelin'/I need corgador healin'!

WILD AT HEART!

It was a very exciting weekend and I have many things to tell you about including:

1) An Ape Burpday!
2) A Pawliday Party and subsequent abandonment
3) A Cold Day at the Dog Park for Oscar Bean, Stinky Teen
4) BIG SALE at the pet store

But first I wanted to give an update on my ticker. As some of you may remember, I collapsed last Thursday and my ticker was RACING. Here is a re-creation:

And here is what my ma ape looked like:

I maxed and relaxed all weekend and spent time watching the Britney Spears Documentary/Hour Long Ad "For the Record" and I could totally relate because I think my stress is caused by the Pooperazzi always chasing me, trying to catch me with greens in my teeths:

Today it was time for my triumphant return to the vet's office where I am always plied with snacks and attention.

They did a chest x-ray and confirmed that I have dilated cardiomyopathy. This will come as a surprise to no one but I have a BIG HEART.


This is not my actual heart but it gives you the idea, though because I am long my heart has actually shifted position and is lying on its side! The vet said that my valves are leaky which makes my heart work really hard so it has gotten BIG and MUSCULAR. and totally STUDLY. So all this time my ma ape has been in the basement lifting those hunks of metal I've been pumping iron WITH MY TICKER. The GOOD news, though is that I don't have any fluid in my chest or lungs so I'm still in pretty good shape. I'm going to start a drug called Pimobendan (which is very fun to say) for the ole ticker. It should help manage the symptoms and keep my muscular heart under control. I may have to love everyone just a little bit less to keep my heart from getting TOO big! I'm starting with loving Oscar less (though my ma ape says maybe I should take a break from lovin' ON Oscar so much. If you know what I mean.)

I owe big thanks to Charlie and Brooke because they gave me some advice and support over at The Bone Zone.

My Achey Breaky Heart

Well I went to the vet and it turns out I SWOONED. I had a syncope or fainting spell because of my bum ticker. My heartrate is way too high. Like 250 beats/minute. And I have high blood pressure. And the vet told me I have Tacky-cardia. HOW RUDE. I happen to know my heart is very classy. So I'm going to have a consult with the cardi-ologist (he specializes in cardigan corgis?) to decide what to do. For now I just have to take it easy. No shouting at the neighbor or brudder-humpa-humpa. In other words, no fun.

My ma ape has noticed a pattern wherein I have a medical emergency right around the holidays. Three years ago I had a back problem and then she spent all night with me in the ER after I ate my whole (sample) bottle of Rimadyl. And then two years ago the vet detected my heart problem (then manifesting as an arrhythmia and murmur). And now another ticker/vapors problem.

Maybe when I visit and they take me in the back "for tests" I am eating brisket while the vet tells me how to help him get $$ to pay for Christmas presents.

My lips are sealed.

Feeling Poorly

As you can see from my pho-tos I am feeling a bit under the weather. This morning I scared the *insert HBO Word Here* out of my ma ape. I had either a syncope (fainting spell) or possibly a seizure. We were out for our usual 5 a.m. walk when a rogue Jack Russell ran at us and we barked until the owner came to get the rogue dog and then I fell over and stiffened. I came to quickly and fortunately we were close to home and I made it myself and promptly demanded breakfast.

So now I have to go to the v-e-t. My ma ape suspects this is related to my bum ticker and I might have to start meds. I have plans to move in with Dick Cheney and eat freshly harvested babies or whatever he does to keep his heart working.

Beware of Rogue Russells.

Paging Dr. Pippa

A few weeks ago my friend Pippa had a poorly tum and suggested a pizza cure. Apply one pizza directly to the mouth. Well, we have needed such a thing.

On Monday my baby brudder Oscar had a poorly tum and it was coming out of both ends. My ma ape spent a lot of time scrubbing on the carpet.


Today it was my turn to be poorly, though I was not nearly as bad as the baby brudder. Just one wee barf. And at least I don't try to eat it like someone I know. Just thinking about his grossness makes me do this.


I am trying to convince my ma ape that we need the Pippa Pizza Cure. And maybe some TastyCakes for good measure to turn our sour tums into solid smiles:

Spin Doctor

My ma ape says I am a fraud, a witchdoctor, a snake oil salesman, a quack! In spite of my TLC she felt like this all weekend:



And so she had to go to her vet and now she's being treated for GIARDIA. Ha! A reminder--who did NOT give her giardia?


I'm still a doctor--above all else, do no harm!

A Pair of Sights!

My baby brudder Oscar got to take his first trip to our regular V-E-T yesterday! My ma ape was a little worried because the staff at the SPCA was scared of Oscar because he growled and snapped when he was there. But Oscar was a total gent. Except for the fact that he wanted to play rasslin' with the visiting vet student. He passed with flying colors.


Um, except for one problem. See, we didn't realize that when we were adopting Oscar we were getting not ONE pet but about four--Oscar plus the three friends he was smuggling in his belly!
Yes, Oscar brought home a pair of sights. And he shared them with Ethel!


The V-E-T looked all our poops yesterday and found Oscar had three pair of sights and shared one with Ethel. Only ONE DOG had CLEAN POO. Yes, the corgador reigns supreme! The vet said they found three things under the microscope.

First was hookworm that looks like this when enlarged 1000X. It attaches itself to the dog's small intestine without an exit strategy:



Next was the wimpworm, I mean the whipworm, that causes diarrhea. Also called a Turd Blossom it looks like this under the microscope:

Finally is the worst one, the one that Oscar shared with Ethel, Gee Ardia. These little boogers hide out in an undisclosed location and are sometimes hard to detect and they stick around for a long time. It is almost too terrifying to look at under the microscope so make sure there are no kids around:


Fortunately both the boogers are on some pills to get rid of these bastards. I don't have to take any pills (but I do get to have some of the pill containers--CHEESE). Oscar has also had a microchip implanted in case he gets lost. (Private note to Grammie: See, he is One Of Us now!)


Meanwhile I have been making sure to maintain my health in the heat with a heaping helping of Frosty Paws. Ethel is a little uncertain:

But I dive in! My intestinal fortitude is what keeps the creepy crawlies out of my gut!

And here's a bit of food porn, a shot of our freezing box where the ma ape keeps the frosty paws. It's right by the door so when we come in from the heat we can cool off with homemade paws:


Stay cool, dudes!

On the Runs

I must apologize for my disheveled appearance.

And my absence from the dog-o-sphere. I have been down.


And out.
With a spot of Montezuma's revenge. Or more like three or four dozen spots, some in our yard, some in the neighbor's yard, one in the basement...you catch my drift (and may even smell it).

I am accepting applications for nurse.


I am also working on blog security. And checking the locks. I don't want any squatters moving in. To let you know how ungrateful those little jerks are. I wanted to show you this:

This is the Gooberstan Offical Fun Fest Birthday Gift Extravaganza. Stan, that ever generous dude, suggested that instead of getting HIM a toy you get a toy for a dog in need. Well, the StanMan is worthy not just of ONE gift but of a whole darn bag. So we put together a bag o' toys and took them to the SPCA. They thank you, Stan!

A Mighty Stain

This morning I made a tribute to my pal Ikenstein, the proud recipient of the first Stain award, selected by the greatest Stainer of them all, Joe Stains.

After my early morning walk and breakast I settled onto the couch for my early morning nap. And then I sat up, leaned over the edge of the couch and barfed out the Really Expensive Breakfast my ma ape had just made me. Reversal of fortune. Vomitacious. Puke-o-Rama. There will be Barf. It was wonderful. 'Twas a mighty stain.


This picture has nothing to do with the actual stain. My ma ape just said the stain just made her nauseous and she refused to take a picture of it. It is pinkish-orange on our already nasty grey carpet. SO AWESOME.


I hope I paid adequate tribute to my fellow Stainers.

My Nip/Tuck!

I'm back from my little nip/tuck! My ma ape had second thoughts cuz it was just a little lump and my blood tests don't show any problems but the vet said it was a good idea so they can test the tissue and so it doesn't get any bigger. She was still skeptical BUT did it anyway. I was STOKED to get botox. I've been practicing how I want my face FROZEN. I also wanted more junk in my trunk because who doesn't want more of a good thing?

Here we are in the car on the way there! I am a little concerned. Will I fit in my skinny jeans after my tummy tuck? Do I also need a brow lift?


My sissy came with me so they could look at her EXPLODE-A-BUTT and make sure it was healing fine which it is.

And we had to get weighed. Look at how shocked I am by my sissy's chub! She gained a whole pound! (Um, so did I. Scale's broken, I tell ya.) Look at this 114 pounds of doggie goodness!


My sissy gets worry eyebrows while we wait. She is a big baby and has to sit on my ma ape's lap.


I'm smarter than her so I totally know that they can find me on my ma ape's lap so I hide under the bench or between the bench and the wall. Genius! So this next part they took me in the back for my surge-a-ma-ree so I'll let sissy tell you about how she pined for me while I was away.


WE didn't PINe at ALL. We GOT to go to the BASEBALLS FIELDS and plaYYY! Totally FUNNN! I forgot I even had a BROTHER!!! I FOUND a BASEBALLS!


I was totally super good and they just gave me lidocaine for the surge-a-ma-ree and I just laid on the table like a good boy. Until I was waiting in the cage and then I heard my sister come in and I cried like I was dying and the vet techs got scared I was hurt. Then my sissy cried out to me and I cried back and it was like a total sob fest and I stopped crying as soon as they took me out to my ma ape. They shaved a little spot on my chest so I am totally metrosexual now and I have THREE stitches which means sissy has to be nice to me.


My ma ape tried to get a picture of all of me but you can't see where I had my surgery. But here I am all tired and ready to go home. It all only took 30 minutes which was just long enough to get me duck jerky which I totally deserved.


Thanks for all the well-wishes. I will also accept hugs, smooches and bussie kisses.

PUS BUTT!

My sissy's butt exploded! She has to go to the vet today to have him look at her pus butt! The picture on this page looks exactly like her bum so she has to go to the vet. HA!

I'm definitely going to be spending less time back there:

GROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Unwelcome Visitors

Lately I've been doing a lot of this.


And this (roaching while grimacing)


And feeling like this.

The culprit is a deadbeat named Al Urgee who squats in places where he is not welcome. Last month he made my friend Stan feel like this:

What a jerk! (Al, not Stan who is a stand up fellow!) I think Al must have stolen my address from Stan and come for a visit. He's been hanging out in my ma ape's nose and he's been making me itchy. I have some bald patches and scabs from scratching so much. We had some images of Al enlarged and saw THIS:



AHHHH! No wonder I'm so irritated! Get this dude offa me! My ma ape has been slipping me some bennies! This dude Benny Drill has helped me sleep through the night and make me less irritated and irritable. It's been working a bit. I hope Benny chases Al off so I can leave him


behind.