Cheeseburgers for Joe!

Needs no introduction:

12 Things for 12 Years of Joe Stains!

Today is both RANDAY and JOEDAY! It is Joe Stains's BURPDAY!  And he is 12 years young today (Side note: olds rule, babies drool!)  We gathered together 12 things Joe loves for his burpday.

Piles of Yankees!

Piles of bacon!

Piles of Steelers!

Oh hi, Sophie Brador!

Cheeses!

PB Sammiches!

Troy Polamalu's hair!

More Sophie!

Sunbathing (especially in the nude)

Mmmmm...pizzas.

Sidney Crosby (and the Pens)

Just Cuz!

Here's to a happy and healthy new year Joe!   Have a great one from us! (Even if Ethel refused to be in a picture with the boys!)

Scenes from a Series

I have been away from my blog, sad over the loss by the WORLD CHAMPION PHILLIES to THE TEAM THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED. This is what it was like to watch the game on Wednesday night.

Writhing in pain. Stop it, Matsui!

NO I CAN'T WATCH! (That's just cuz I'm blinded by the white hot glare of A-Rod's Ego).


And then, the sad sets in.


I'm going to have to send something to my friend Joe Stains who is still a stand up fellow in spite of being a fan of THOSE GUYS. I taunted him so I have to send him a present from my city. A bucket of Wudder Ice? Some cream cheese? Rocky flop sweat?


Maybe some glasses because he seems to have some problems seeing.

Joe, I can find it in my heart to feel happy for you because I like you almost as much as Derek Jeter loves himself.

And now back to Husker football!

The writing begins again.

With the Greatest of Eeeeees

Do you see how worried I am? Yes, I am a worried boy. And why?

Well, I have to say I'm worried about my friend Joe. You see him here.

You see, Joe is a Yankeeeees fan. And he is about to be CRUSHED with the Phileeeeees blast them into Smithereens in the WORLD SERIES. Poor Joe. Don't worry, it will be ok.

And here I am deep in thought. What kind of snacks will I make Joe send me when the Yankeeeees lose? Bagels and lox? Kosher hot dogs? Knishes? Cheesecake? Pierogies? Thin crust pizza? Or since he is in Arizona--CARNE ASADA!


P.S. Dear Phillies. I really want Carne Asada so please don't make me eat crow.

A Tail of Two Sheppys

Out of the deep mists...

Came a Peppy Sheppy

And then TWO Peppy Sheppys! Monsters in the Mist! The horror! The horror!

But then we got a burpday present for Ethel, sent specially by Khyra and Joe Stains--THE SUN! We hadn't seen it in like a WEEK!

Ahhhhh....it was the best present Ethel got! (Though we will share more of her prezzies later!)


This should be memorialized with a Family Photo. Patriarch in front!


And now here are the greatest gifts we gave to Ethel--THE GREATEST BRUDDERS OF ALL TIME!

BRUDDER DOOF.

BRUDDER ROACH!

Joe, we are trying to send you some rain but it is hard to make the weather move backward! But I will keep wagging my tail and tooting to push the clouds in your direction. Thanks for the sun, though!

Another Installment in Wally's Guide to Football!

Hi Dudes! See me smiling! It is because my favorite pro team THE SEAHAWKS finally WON A GAME. They kind of stink this year but that's ok because I stick by my team through thick and thin. (Me thick, them thin.) And I am also excited because my other team the EAGLES (E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!) are playing the Steelers and this is an important lesson for my baby brudder Oscar Bean who needs to learn about the football.


See, a few years ago the Stealers stole the Super Bowl from MY Seahawks. They are also the cross-state rivals of my Dirty Bird Philadelphia Eagles! And so here I am demonstrating how we Fly Like Eagles! See this hat? My ma ape found it in the Bargain Bin at the sporting goods store.

I am pretending it is Ben Roth-less-burger, the Stealer's QB. GET HIM!

Here I am calling a huddle with the dogs to plan our next move on the snack bowl.

Oh I'm so nervous I can't watch!


Hi to my friends Joe Stains and The Shermanator who are Super Steelers fans! Whoever wins I think we all deserve some snacks.

P.S.: Joe--E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! Do you need a box of monkeys to dry your tears? I also highly recommend a bowl of ice cream. It always lifts my spirits.

The Chillaxympics, Opening Ceremonies!

As many of you may know, Lenny (who has an impeccable human rights record) is hosting the PAWLYMPICS over at his blog and has events EVERY DAY. That is one ambitious wire guy! Some of us, however, live with Lazy Apes. Some of us may have been worried about the mandatory drug tests (I'm not naming names but someone does have some plump lips). I have commiserated with several of my pals who suffer from a similar malady (Apeus Slackus)--Stan Man, Sophie, and Joe Stains (representing the Republic of Gooberstan, The World [cuz she rules it], and the Yankees, respectively). We have decided that we will sit in the stands, drink beers, and heckle! It's going to be a GREAT TIME. I hereby call this the Chillaxympics. Because we are both chilling and relaxing! Anyone else who would like to join us, here is what you must do to celebrate the Dog Days of Summer:

1) Get in the stands and watch the Pawlympics over at Lenny's place! Hoot! Hollar! Heckle!
2) Prepare copious amounts of snacks, get some drinks from the Corgi Lounge!
3) Chill! Relax! Enjoy life!

Here is our team, representing the Dog's Republic of Wallymelon, in the opening ceremonies which involved the ceremonial eating the Frosty Paws and Blueberries and Wallymelon:



Our opening team member, ETHEL the EATER:


She's dainty but can get down to business when she needs to!

Oscar the Obnoxious! Who ate so fast we only got one picture!


And our anchor, WALLY TAMALE!


Often underestimated due to his advanced age he can down the 'paws like no other! You other dogs don't stand a chance when it comes to the Chillaxin'!


If you are participating in the Chillaxympics you may either send me a photo to post OR post one on your blog! Show us all how you are masters of the Chillaxing!

A Wealth of Riches

My ma ape has been neglecting me. Fortunately I have friends to step it up! This week I got two unexpected and wonderful prezzies from two of my bestest buds.

First, Joe Stains sent me a package with Nebraska Notebooks in it so I can make lists of all the things I need and all my hot babes! Unfortunately the pictures didn't turn out so I will show you what i made lists of later. But Joe knows that I am not all literary giant and he also sent me TOYS. A big red squeaky bone and a REMOTE:

Joe knows I need to be in CONTROL of the teevee. I hope this remote has a "Hills" button.

And THEN I got something WONDERFUL from ERNEST:

Yes! A Wimsey! This is Mosley in Missouri! And he was abused and neglected and now he's been rescued and Ernest is helping with his vet bills. Mosley had skin problems and anemia and hypothyroidism and a bad case of A-holeyis Owneris. But now he's living large with his foster mama who is going to keep him forever.

Thanks dudes!

A Mighty Stain

This morning I made a tribute to my pal Ikenstein, the proud recipient of the first Stain award, selected by the greatest Stainer of them all, Joe Stains.

After my early morning walk and breakast I settled onto the couch for my early morning nap. And then I sat up, leaned over the edge of the couch and barfed out the Really Expensive Breakfast my ma ape had just made me. Reversal of fortune. Vomitacious. Puke-o-Rama. There will be Barf. It was wonderful. 'Twas a mighty stain.


This picture has nothing to do with the actual stain. My ma ape just said the stain just made her nauseous and she refused to take a picture of it. It is pinkish-orange on our already nasty grey carpet. SO AWESOME.


I hope I paid adequate tribute to my fellow Stainers.