Scenes from a Series

I have been away from my blog, sad over the loss by the WORLD CHAMPION PHILLIES to THE TEAM THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED. This is what it was like to watch the game on Wednesday night.

Writhing in pain. Stop it, Matsui!

NO I CAN'T WATCH! (That's just cuz I'm blinded by the white hot glare of A-Rod's Ego).


And then, the sad sets in.


I'm going to have to send something to my friend Joe Stains who is still a stand up fellow in spite of being a fan of THOSE GUYS. I taunted him so I have to send him a present from my city. A bucket of Wudder Ice? Some cream cheese? Rocky flop sweat?


Maybe some glasses because he seems to have some problems seeing.

Joe, I can find it in my heart to feel happy for you because I like you almost as much as Derek Jeter loves himself.

And now back to Husker football!

The writing begins again.

City of Brudderly Love

This is a proud day for those of us from (or in proximity to) THE CITY OF BRUDDERLY LOVE! See these loverly brudders?



We're stoked because WE WIN! No, not the World Series. YET! We won something FAR more prestigious! Watch and see!

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Wall-O-Ween!

Yesterday was one of the greaterest holidays--Wall-O-Ween! Dedicated to being scary and begging for snacks. That's like a regular day for me. Here are some things that happened at my house.

My GranNE sent us a punkin carving pattern for a Jack Bo Lantern. That's Bo Pelini, coach of the Huskers!


And our yard was totally spooky. It scared some little kids, in fact. And that was before me n' my sibs shouted at them!

And then a mob ran through our neighborhood with pitchforks and torches. Um, I don't know.

And then my ma ape went to the SPCA and OMD LOOK AT THESE SCARY THINGS!!??!?!


And my ma ape had an inflatable black cat. Really? Am I supposed to be scared of this thing? Who would be stupid enough for that?

Oh right.

And then? Mmmm. Candy. Not for dogs. We had bones!

And then my ape turned into a zombie.


So I ate her brains before she could eat mine.

And then it got REALLY scary when the World Series started and the Yankees won! NNOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh the humanity!

Help us out, Vice President! Unless that is Zombie Joe Biden! Oh no! (Zombie Joe Biden, please eat A Rod)

With the Greatest of Eeeeees

Do you see how worried I am? Yes, I am a worried boy. And why?

Well, I have to say I'm worried about my friend Joe. You see him here.

You see, Joe is a Yankeeeees fan. And he is about to be CRUSHED with the Phileeeeees blast them into Smithereens in the WORLD SERIES. Poor Joe. Don't worry, it will be ok.

And here I am deep in thought. What kind of snacks will I make Joe send me when the Yankeeeees lose? Bagels and lox? Kosher hot dogs? Knishes? Cheesecake? Pierogies? Thin crust pizza? Or since he is in Arizona--CARNE ASADA!


P.S. Dear Phillies. I really want Carne Asada so please don't make me eat crow.

Phil-Ease!

We're grinnin' because the Phillies are going back to the WORLD SERIES! It was so much fun to win last year--let's do it AGAIN! Like this:


That is how we J-Roll!

The Sporgador!!

Behold the sporgador!



Sophie La Brador has christened me with a new name: THE SPORGADOR! She recognizes my incredible fandom that has lifted the Phillies (almost) to the World Series, in addition to my considerably less successful fandom for the Seahawks and Cornhuskers that, um, may help them break even this season. She also knows that I should be the mascot of the SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS! And why? Because I look damn fine in green (yes, that is one Roughriders bananadana, courtesy of Sophie's ape):



And you should know that my sportgadorness is not limited to watching sports, I am also a participant. Here I am rassling BooDog Stuffy. He roots for the Dodgers.


But being the sporgador is not all fun and games. It is hard work. My GranNE sent me this video the other day to celebrate my hard workin' self. She said it was for Narra but I know she was thinking of me.



And I do work hard. Here's a story that my friend Sam's mom posted "Walking with shelter dogs better than friends for seniors" which is about my job as a personal trainer:

Seniors benefit more from regular walking sessions with shelter dogs than from scheduled walks with friends or a spouse. That's the finding from a study to be reported at the annual conference of the International Society for Anthrozoology that begins today in Kansas City.

I train my senior ma ape on the regular. Look at me motorin'!


To conclude the sport report with the sporgador, here I am letting the opposing team know how I feel about them:

Now let's go get us some hot dogs!

Red October!!!!

You might not even know but it is RED OCTOBER! It is named that because the Phillies are playing postseason baseball and are going to be WORLD CHAMPIONS just like they were last year!! Here is their PAWESOME song!



And then you get to play DOG PILE!

We've been making piles of dogs for practice.



I hope the Phillies play the Yankees in the World Series and then I will have Khyra and Joe Stains over to watch baseball together like a pair of grumpy old men and a hot chick and we will drink beer and belch and shout at the teevee.

And there is MORE RED for OCTOBER! HUSKER FOOTBALL! (Note: my sleepyface in this photo should not be taken for disinterest but for disgust that they did not start the game until 9 p.m., well past my bedtime.


Last Thursday was like the BIGGEST GAME of the year with Nebraska v. Missouri and who do you think won??!!!???



HAROOOOOO! And this is Nebraska's greaterest player, Ndamukong Suh. (His name is Suh. How do you do?)

He and I are both rare specimens of athletic prowess and I suspect that we might be long-lost brudders:


Oh my gosh I feel so sporty.

We won! We won! We won!

Rain can't keep us down (or can't khan't kheep, in Khyra's words!)! We won the world series! And then catcher Carlos Ruiz ate closer Brad Lidge right out on the mound. Nom nom! This calls for some bully sticks!

Red October!

The local news here has dubbed the World Series RED OCTOBER which is, of course, a reference to the Phillies' predominant color, the Russian Revolution, and probably Socialist-in-Chief Barack Obama who is involved in some sort of conspiracy involving Acorns, birth certificates, Indonesia, Marxist ideology, Joe Biden's hair plugs, Sarah Palin's wardrobe and hanging chads. It might have something to do with why the Cubs have not won a World Series since before the rise and fall of the Soviet Union. Just sayin'.


Keeping up with their conspiracy theories is exhausting. Especially since there is a REAL conspiracy involving supernatural forces, thwarted dreams, and lots and lots of rain. Yes, the game last night was postponed during the 6th inning due to torrential downpours and winds (though it was not too rainy for me to have to haul my butt out of my nice warm bed at 4:30 to go for a walk. But I digress.)

The news here is reporting that the events may be indicative of the CURSE OF BILLY PENN. Apparently Billy--who sits atop City Hall--is a bit of a diva and hasn't let the Philly sports teams win since the city allowed buildings taller than his statue to be built.


Isn't this a spooky Halloween story? Some dead dude who is now a statue won't let our sports teams win. Or let the &$%^& fifth game to be OVER.


I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

Phor the Phillies!

My bud Joe Stains--who has kindly promoted me to his girl Sophie's special guy while Joe is away from the internets--has embarked on a brave adventure. In order to help his team the Pittsburgh Squealers, he is being nice to his brother to put some Good Karma out there in the universe.

I am testing this as well to help out my Phillies who are tied 1-1 in the WORLD SERIES. So here we are. Snuggling only for the Phillies and for some Brudderly Love Karma and certainly not because we like each other.


Cuz he's a total Doofus. No really.


Go Phillies! (Shhhh...the baby's sleeping.)